Wednesday, May 9, 2012

The best damn hostess in all of LA....or something like that

So there are several reasons why my new hostessing job is extremely entertaining. The other day as I was standing at the front letting my mind aimlessly drift off into space (hey what else am i going to do standing around for five hours)... i suddenly overheard (eavesdropped whatever) this woman talking about her child. Basically she was talking to some other housewife biatch and I can't tell if it was the alcohol talking....(i get it some time housewives needed to get loaded too)or if she was just completely off her rocker but she started talking about how she was at Disney land and her child wandered that wasnt the abnormal part the weird part was when she goes "i mean i have lost her a few times before but only like for 5 minutes...but this time i was actually scared" um excuse've lost you're kid a few times before no big deal...I'm thinking how irresponsible can you be. I can see maybe you're kid wandering off like once or twice but they way this lady said it so casually like its no big deal was sort of scary/ hilarious (in my head this woman has lets her kid disappear on the regular but in actuality it was probs like twice before but still shouldnt the bigger question be why are you not concerned everytime you lose you're kid i mean there are lots of crazies int this world...i should know i am one of them...ok that makes me sound like a creepy creepy weirdo kidnapper which i assure you i am not...i am actually a very good babysitter so if any of you need someone to look after your lil rugrats call me ;) ) i guess the important thing is she found her so its fine ...its not like a wallet lady this is you're child (which thinking about it losing a wallet actually does suck cuz you have to go through the hassle of canceling then replacing everything not to mention now the only nice thing you're louis wallet is gone forever and now you want to throw yourself in front of an oncoming subway car ...ok i may be slightly projecting a lil but that lil louis was my baby of sorts..) anywho i'm not trying to compare a louis wallet to a child but hey at least a louis wallet doesnt yell or scream and then run away from you...jk...(is it weird as i am writing this i am totally thinking wow i would probably be that mom only worse cuz id probably be drinking all the do you think the kid would get lost in the first place...probably a good thing as to why i don't have kids right now... In other news that makes me sound less like a psycho baby hater...the other thing that keeps me extremely entertained at work ( and by entertained i mean it makes me so irritated if i was a cartoon character i would have smoke coming out of my ears) is people blatenly ignoring me walking past me and trying to seat themselves. Come on people I have one job to show you to a table let me do my crappy mindless job so i can look competent and not get fired a fifth time. And then there are those people who i sit and they decide they dont like where i sat them so they decide to move which ultimately screws over the servers..or my favorite are the people who request a booth ( now let me explain something about these said booths. our restaraunt is very small and the booths are reserved for three or more people because most of the rest of the tables are just two tops...if i sit two people at a three person table and suddenly a lot of big groups walk in i'm totally screwed because i have nowhere to sit them not to mention the servers get annoyed and i used to be a server so i know how that goes on top of the fact that i really dont feel like getting yelled at by anyone because they think i am a moron which i am not i just can't help the fact that i deal with idiotic people) so when i get 2 people who ask me if they can sit in a booth i have to tell them its reserved which either them leads to a) sucking it up dealing with it or b) yelling agressively at me (listen buddy the food is gonna taste the same no matter where you sit) do you really want me to waste 5 min of my life and yours explaining to you the aforementioned rules of why you cannot sit at a booth...i dont think so.. and even if you do you'll probably still think that i am lying to you...this is my job i dont make the rules i just abide by you want me coming into your crappy work establishment and me telling you how to i don't know trade bonds etc...something i know nothing i dont think why on God's green earth would you try to tell me how to do mine...i get you don't think its a big deal but it is a BIG DEAl and i can't get fired from another job becuase you feel like you need a cushy seat for your ass (and by the by it is just two of you you really don't need all that room cuz you are just gonna find some gros way to snuggle up to each other and make obscene kissy faces neither which i nor the rest of this restaruant let alone sociecty needs to see)so please please kind sir and madam kindly sit in the damn seat that i showed you and take pity on this poor girl who is just trying to do her job so she can go out there in the world and live her dream.... Thank you and goodnight!

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