Tuesday, May 1, 2012

The return...

So Reason # 477 not to work as a cocktail waitress...besides all the drunk F***cks tripping you, shoving you and bumping into you...I don't even mind being groped a lil here and there but if you are going to grope me the least you can do is toip me...dont just stand there and smile and then put you're money away as i akwardly look at you to give me money...listen asshole i;m not standing here for my health give me my damn money or next time you ask me for a drink you will be wearing it...I mean really asshole what planet do you live on that you think it is acceptable to not tip..I got you a drink now give me my damn dollar before i punch you in the face)I can deal with the occasional ass grab if you are giving me money but i absolutely draw the line at 70 year old men who dont speak english trying to shove their tongue down my throat and then trying to give me 3 dollars for the mouth assault. Come on I am worth at least $5.(yes that actually happened...i promptly quit the next day) In other news I started hostessing. Now we all know I have as good of luck as octomom's kids (thank you ivan for that reference)so of course the day day that I start this new job would happen to be the exact day that i get a scratched corneia and have to wear my glasses ( i hate wearing my glasses i think i look like shrek)I also thought it would be a good idea to try and look pretty by curling my hair...#FAIL...it kept flipping and curling in all the wrong directions so instead of looking cute and pretty i ended up looking like i just stuck my finger in a light socket and electrecuted myself (lets put it this way I should have been riding the special bus with a helmet that day)This obviously would be the day when 6 hot men(all of whom i wanted to bone)...walk in. Yes they were typical la tool bag douches but they weree hot la toolbag douches (hey i don't judge i don't tend to see hot men who could potentially want to bang me in my world and when i do its an anomally and i must pounce) any who i see them walk in and they look real familiar so i just assume they work at fiesta (yes fiesta is a gay bar that i frequent but in my defense it is the only bar around town with cheap drinks (2 for 1) and it has an extremely hot bar tender who i may or may not have let feel me up a time or two....whats a lil boob grab anyhow if it gets me free drinks...its really just economical i'm poor and he's hot) anyway so i see these guys walk in and i was like oh do you all work at fiesta to which they just stared at me in horror and go "um no we work at the griddle" (translation of the griddle:overly trendy place breakfast place where hipsters go to die...you used to be able to find me there a few times a week when i had a steady job...hey im not above trendy places where hipsters go to die) you would have though that i just asked them if they're grandmother was a street hooker who liked to turn tricks for a dollar...So i don't flirt...i'm really akward at it and in my head i'm still that 7th grade buck toothed freak who when she gets around a boy her brain turns to mush and words dont come so i just akwardly stare...needless to say i turned total caveman status around these boys and then they proceeded to all hit on the same shiny barbie doll girl in the bar...(i say if you are going to hit on girls at least make it be different ones...don't tell you're friend to scam some squirrell (wow i sounded very dude like there) and then proceed to go trying to get the same tail the second he walks outside for a fag(fag meaning cigarette not a weho twink...although if it was a weho twink that would explain your friend moving in on your girl)so in the end i guess it ended up being a good thing that i looked all shrekina like cuz while la tools are pretty to look at in the end they are still la tools...and the only thing useful for a tool is hammering...infer what you will on that one..

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