Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Please sit there some more...

So the other day I was working and it had been an extremely extremely slow day...and then i got a mad rush...ya know one of those where everyone has this weird chip in their brain that tells them to eat at the exact same time, be as demanding as possible, overload the one poor girl that is left there to wait out the monotony, make her dance like a monkey and run around like a chicken with her head cut off and then get irritated with her when she doesn't miraculously sprout another ten arms to grab your ketchup while still getting someone else there check and refilling the assholes glass who decides to chug it every ten seconds like a real douchebag (different blog for a different day) so on this particular lovely sunday evening after i have had the shit throroughly beat out of me all i want to do is go home...i see it i see it the end is coming the manager is about to close the kitchen in 3..2..oh look liz more people that just walked in...yippee kay yay...i get three extra tables of people who probably will tip like shit and make me stay an extra hour.... i always find it funny when people walk in right as you are about to close and you let them sit but kindly explain (not me of course...i clearly would tell them to get the f out im about to go home...they are infringing on my oh so precious in n out time that i have been dreaming about for the past few hours) my manager kindly says "hey guys we are closing the kitchen soon, please just hurry up and order" and then people get all butt hurt and angry like you are rushing them....i'm sorry did that offend you that i am a human being that has a life that does not revolve around serving you all night til the cows come home. you choose to walk in here and we kindly (again not me....i will cut a bitch..jk ;)....not really)sat you all you have to do is hurry the fuck up...do you think you can do that huh mr. do you? anyway they all do...not without first giving me a dirty look...listen lady i am queen of the bitch face i can do this all night and stare at you with a stank eye...i was born to... on a side note one of my 'late' tables asked me if we served non-alcholic beer i said i'm sorry we are all out. I walk away to harrass another table to hurry the f up only to return and this women asks me for two chilled glasses she then informs me that since we dont carry non alcholic beer her husband went to the car to get them their own....hold the fuck up....first of all who in their right mind thinks it's ok to bring your own drinks into another restaraunt....NOONE.....the asnwer is noone thinks that is ok....we dont even let people bring in sodas lady what in you're right mind would make you think that it is ok to bring non alcholic beer into our establishment...clearly she isnt in her right mind to begin with becuase what kind of human even drinks non alcholic beer...certainly not for the taste...i only drink it in high amounts to inapropriately make out with everyone at the bar (kidding mom kidding...it was one time ;)) so after that great debacle i finally for real this time i see the end is near...i see these gluttons take their last bite i run up to them drop their check tell them i am getting ready to leave and need to close out...well two the tables take the hint and pay me and the other one...looks at me as if i am some super human monster that just ate their baby...and ignores me.....I'm sorry am I offending you by asking you to pay so I can leave....i have seen a lot of rude things but i have come to the conclusion that ignoring someone when they ask you to pay is probably the motherfing absolute RUDEST thing you can do...clearly you are just the worlds most selfish and spiteful person and you really don't give a shit about anybody else's comfort and life but you're own...you obviously have no concept of the fact that i am an actual person not a robot and maybe i would like to go home and stare lovingly into someone's eyes too (i mean i don't...but you don't know that....i fully intend to stare lovingly at my in n outs animal style burger...and maybe the drive through guy in a creepy way....)don't fucking ignore me and then completely disregard that i just said i was about to leave becuase you are a douchebag....i will hunt you down sir and throw some very insulting insults you're way...i would say make you feel bad but clearly you are a human with no soul.... so if you take anything away from this my fellow readers....god bless any of you who made it to the bottom of this rant...take this away...when someone says hey id like to get the f out of here can you pay me....pay them...unless you want to get beat up in the back alley...kidding kidding...i would never beat someone up...(i would just find someone bigger than me to do it;) just kidding....or am I?

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