Aspiring Actress: My story in my own (snarky) words

face down in the dirt... Baby jesus can you help a sister out?

2012-02-09T13:31:00.000-08:00

So it's definitley been a while since i have posted anything... I'm sure every one misses the snark (hell i miss the snark and i promise eventually it shall return) but to tell the truth i havent felt so snarky lately....mainly because life hasnt been all that funny...to tell the truth its been down right knock you down kick you in the crotch spit on you sucky (that was my best attempt at sass) this blog post isnt about being sassy this time around. Its about being honest and sometimes honesty isnt all that funny. (well it kind of is when i am making fun of myself cuz i can be real stupid like sometimes but this time around it isnt about that...its about trying desperately to have faith when everything seems at its worst) so here goes truth time...since moving to la this is the 4th job i have been fired from...ok i know it looks bad...like who the fuck gets fired from 4 jobs in a matter of like a year...bingo me im the lucky winner of that prize...in my defense i didnt do anything i just keep running into unfortunate circumstances( 1st job my boss ended up being a nazi anti christ paranoid fuck- not my fault, 2nd job plain and simple i wasnt armenian and those bitches stick to their own kind....im not being rascist im being honest...and if you are laughing its cuz you know im right...i may be able to pass looks wise for a persion but the second they start opening up their mouth and trying to talk to me in a different language i was screwed........3rd job I went on vacation and when i came back was told they no longer had a position for me...awesome... 4th job i got hired for a month as a hostess....it was like being the unpopular kid in highschool again but this time around im not trying to fit in cuz oh im not 15 anymore and i really dont give a fuck...lets be real im more of a beer and football kind of girl while this crowd was more of a hoity toity lets sit around and drink wine and pretend we are intersting when we really know nothing about life or culture but we use big words to make you think we do...i should have known i was a gonner at this place when i turned to my manager one day who might i add was a straight male in his 30s and said wow i can't believe joe paterno has died...and he goes..."i have no idea who that is...if it has anything to do with sports i don't pay attention...I'm mean if thats what your into i guess thats cool that is just not my thing"can we say tool!!!! oh and further more even if you don't follow sports do you watch the news or fucking read the newspaper because if so you would know him as the guy wrapped up in the penn state scandal...ignorant douchehead) At this point you are all probably thinking ok take the hint get a real job...and i get it but the reason i have bounced around is because as you know i am in pursuit of a dream...a dream that i will never give up and i will always die trying to do. Why because it is the only thing i have ever wanted as long as I can remember it is the only thing in this world that makes sense to me and i also like to think i'm kind of good at it.I'm not in it for the fame or fortune (if i wanted that id go make a porno or release a sex tape i mean its seemed to work for those kardashian toolbags...) its whats been in my heart. Its the thing that i love and can't explain why. I dont think most people get what it is to be a struggling actor most people just look at you and laugh it away and say yeah there is a lot of rejection...i hope you like waiting tables and being broke (to these people what i want to say is go f yourself you asshole clearly you're life is boring and you are only ragging on me because you chose to have a life of stability rather than following your heart) Actors should be commended because in spite of this soul sucking crushingness they get up and do it again day after day. (the best way i can describe and make people understand what we go through everyday is to equate it to the worst break up of your life (some days it literally feels like you're heart is being ripped out of your chest and stomped on over and over and over again until its a pathetic pile of dust) yes i realize this sounds depressing but the reason we go through it is the hope that one day it won't be like that anymore to me the only thing worse than defeat is giving up. I'm not trying to be a debbie downer there is a silver lining of hope folks. So this is where my faith has come in its not something i openly talk about but its a feeling i want to share. in light of all this crap going it begs me to ask the question dear baby jesus what the heck is going on in my life. I know this would depress most people being fired 4 times...lets be real it depresses the hell out of me and the not knowing where life is going to take me has given me the greatest anxiety of my life but here is what i am starting to realize out of the worst most tragic time in my life when everything seems the worst and i quite literally have nothing else to lose this is when i need to turn to the baby jesus most to have him get me through. (yes i am actually saying this... and yes i do realize i am quite the contradiction because i have used the f word about a million times and now im talking about the big man upstairs...)i'm not trying to be preachy or judgy and i fully support everyone's specific beliefs in things... but if i can reach just one person with my words than i feel it will have all been worth it. So here goes. This dream that i want that i have wanted since i was five years old it's an impossibility... everyone i have met or have talked to has basically slammed the door in my face...every opportunity i have tried to do has in one way or another been an epic fail...i literally have noone to help me...(ok i know this sounds like im about to jump from the balcony and off myself...but go with me on this one it will get more up lifting) everyone says everything is possible with God so if you can read this i want you to know that hopefully i will be the living proof of that... I full on believe that he has a plan for me and intends to do something great with my life...he put me here for a purpose ( i have no idea what it is and i do wish he'd speed up the process) but going through this just makes me have ultimate faith because i have nothing else i quite literally have no where else to go and noone else to turn to...(i have no choice but to ask him for his help and have ultimate faith that he will carry me through) well baby jesus the ball is in your court... im pretty down and out and im openly coming to you for help so that all who read this will witness a miracle and maybe just maybe they will come to believe that you are there and you hear us when we cry out for help... because this career is so impossible anything that happens is nothing short of a miracle that you have crafted.

things you don't really want to know...

2011-09-21T11:27:00.000-07:00

so I was waiting tables the other day and i guess i have a knack for people telling me akward things that I really don't give a fuck about. But for some reason people just love to share the details of the weird intimiate life with me. I go up to this table and I and ask with a lovingy look at each other and then a look at their way to precoicious three year old and go..."we are trying to have another baby..." um akward...to which i just stare back with a weird half smile...all while i am thinking a)eww thanks for that less than stellar visual (they were def not the most attractive apples out there).. great now i have to gauge out my eyeballs at the thought of you two doing it (insert gagging face here) and b)i dont give a fuck about you and your baby making plans all i asked you for was your order do you think i have time to stand around and wait all night while you two imbuciles decide on what pasta you are going to split..no...i have about five million other tables to attend to who im sure wont feel the need to tell me about their baby making abilities...sick...(most people dont even like to make eye contact with me...probs cuz i am giving them the death stare when they ask me five million stupid questions about the menu..you have eyes i see them in your head read the damn thing yourself...i actually had one biatch ask me if we made our bolognse sauce with sauce (oh yeah she went there) ...to which i responded with my classic blank duh you are a moron face to which she then responded with well i went to this place in italy where it wasnt made with sauce...well then lady you are a moron and meat sauce without the sauce....everyone say it with me...is just meat (i should be a detective my deductive reasoning powers are stellar)...they gave you meat on a plate lady...we dont roll like that here...)

and in other akward run in liz is a moron news....i just happened to walk in on a guy customer as he was peeing...(in my defense it was the end of the night and i was just going to empty the trash and turn off the lights) when in i walked on him as he was peeing...this is why girls are way smarter than guys cuz we lock the door to avoid such an akward run in...but the akward part was they still hadnt paid so i had to give them their check after this said incident (all while i am trying to avoid eye contact with him and his wife..especially the wife cuz now i know what his husbands pecker looks like....) but then i am having problems getting his card to run through the machine ....of course i am..and he has to come up to me and have a discussion about his card....all while i am trying not to look at him and get this damn payment to go through as soon as possible so they will just get the hell out of the restraunt....one day i will hopefully look back on all this and laugh...hell im laughing at it now....

the cheese grater from hell

2011-08-25T14:03:00.000-07:00

so i work at this italian restaraunt as you all know and after every meal we bring out we have to ask them if they want fresh parmesean chz...pretty standard at an upscale italian restaraunt (althought lets be honest how upscale can it be if they let me work there) most everyone oohs and awws and is like oh yes i would love some...great... i dont know in their minds what they are thinking when i say 'fresh parmesean chz' but they always seem to be astonished when i bring them back a huge wedge of chz with a metal grater that i get the pleasure of grating...i always love the fascinated looks and comments...'wow that is really fresh' or 'wow thats a big wedge of chz' in astonishment like i just gave them the fucking holy grail of life.. no shit sherlock i just said two minutes ago that it was....( its a wedge of chz i'm surely your husbands allow you out of your cages once in a while to see the world...)but my absoulute favorite part of this experience is when these morons like to point and laugh with a cute little smile and say 'i like a lot of chz lets see those muscles work' or the equally so clever ' i bet you get a good work out from grating that...lets see you work...' listen jacktard i am not a fucking circus monkey here for your enjoyment and if you continue making me stand over you grating chz until my arm falls off i will take that said arm and beat you with it do death...capisce... also dill hole i really appreciate the pointing and laughing... that makes it extra fun for me..while you are pointing and laughing if i accidentally slip and grate my finger into your food that is so not my fault...after all who doesnt enjoy a lil skin or fingernail in their food (sick..too far...did i take that too far...ah well...)further more if me grating this wedge of chz over you keeps you that entertained there is definitly something wrong with the world..(no wonder there is so much bad acting out there people will be amused by anything clearly)...

and in other liz can not shut the fuck up news...i told a 76 year old man to 'shut up' i thought it was cute ala ann hathaway in the princess diaries...i thought it was an expression everyone knows...clearly i forgot this guy is from a diff generation so when i was on the phone with him and he was like "hello sweet heart havent talked to you in a while did you forget about me" (he talks like a mix between a mafia ganster and barbara striesand when she says hello gorgoues)"and i was like 'oh shut up' the second it came out of my mouth i was like oh shit...and to make matters worse my roomate had a horrified/offended look on his face like i just destroyed his most prized possesion and then kept mouthing to me how could you say that... the old man was like 'oh you tell me to shut up..i see how it is...' fuck me now i am scrambling trying to play it off and laugh and switch the subject immediately...clearly he does not get my humor...i think in the end it turned out ok cuz i am supposed to be meeting him for lunch this weekend...he is getting up there so hopefully a lil old age senility will set in and he'll forget the whole debacle...or i could just tell him to 'shut up' the whole time and make that my endearing thing...thoughts?

yet more proof that babies hate me

2011-08-12T13:21:00.000-07:00

so my cousins just had an adorable baby girl (Guilana Nicole). While I was back in nyc for the wedding i decided to stop by and see her. So we get there and my mom immediately busts in and completley monopolizes the baby for like 2 hours (which honestly is fine by me cuz babies scare me and im afraid im gonna be like lenny in of mice and men and squeeze them to hard on accident and their head will pop off or something like that) so here we are my mom rocking and cradling and all sorts of man handling this child for like 2 hours then they go to give me the baby to hold which i am scared shitless of but there is no good way to say i don't want to hold your baby cuz i might break it...so before i could run away my cousin is putting her into my arms...im like ok fine i can do this i used to babysit that totally qualifies me to hold an infant...so they place the baby in my arms and all that keeps going through my head is my 6th grade cpr class about holding the head...so they give me the baby and literally not even 3 min later the baby turns and pukes on me...seriously seriously...it doesnt puke on my mom who is doing acrobatics with it or its mother or father who it must instictively know will be around for the rest of its life but no it must have sensed my fear and puked all over me (at this point my i add that literally two minutes before this happened i had just told lesley that i wouldnt talk shit about her kid in my blog... right after this happened she turned to me and goes...oh crap im going in the blog aren't i...i was like yup..sorry just to good of an opportunity to pass up...out of everyone i am the one to get spewed on...figures...on the upside at least is was baby vomit and not puke from a long night of drinking...) so i give the baby back and clean my shirt and then a few minutes later they want me to hold her again...fine i can do this...so they give her back to me and the baby goes limp...i start panicking...great i have just killed their first born this is going to put a real damper on social gatherings and the holidays...lesley is like oh dont worry she does it all the time....holy hell she does that all the time... not funny i have heard of dead mans float but dead baby sleeping is not a game i think i want to play again...somewhere in her little head i am convinced she knows she is fucking with us (and the child manipulation begins...genius)...no wonder she smiles and laughs in her sleep.....

and in other liz is never going to find a man news...i ran into the hottest guy i have ever seen in my life at fed ex...(i have a knack for finding guys at post office places...maybe i should just set up camp and hand out flyers for myself....) and he was quite possibly the nicest...he was with his dad who was so sweet...(they gave the fed ex lady a hug for helping them) and they were from ny...i could tell by their accents and the fact that they werent dressed like every other douche tard in this city.. he def was the man of my dreams...and check it he was there because it was his gfs bday...(ggrrr of course he had a gf why wouldnt he he looked like a freaking super model) and he had sent her 24 long stem roses but not just any roses...blue roses...(at this point i need to pause here to say that the only thing going through my head at this exact moment was alanis morrisettes isnt it ironic song... yes alanis it is ironice because my life is fucking full of ironies so the gods can laugh at my misfortune becuase nobody knows this about me but my favorite roses of all time are blue roses..i had no idea you could actually buy them) any one who buys blue roses is automatically a winner because it means that he is unique and thinks outside the box and if he is thinking outside the box with that imagaine what else he is thinking outside the box with (i'm talking about trips and jewerly etc... get your mind out of the gutter people). He was there picking them up becuase they were supposed to be delivered to her house but the fed ex people fucked up and since it was her bday and he wanted her to have them for her bday he went out of his way to pick them up for her and bring them to her so she could have them....dammit why can't i find anyone like that...I can't even get a guy to drive 5 min down the road to pick me up for a beer date...( When i told my dad about this his response was "yeah well they were probably dyed cuz i don't think you can grow blue roses" gee dad thanks for that oh so helpful advice not hang in there not you'll find someone like that for you but yeah they are probably not real...gee dad when did you get your degree in hortucual studies... real helpful...) I was also tempted to give this hottie my number and tell him to call me if things didnt work out with this girl but i thought giving my number to him in front of his dad may have been inapropriate...i mean imagine if we ever did date if he were to break up with this biatch then ill always be known as that girl who hoared herself out at the fed ex store...on second thought if he was doing shit like that for me hell yeah id be happy to be know as that...jk..... CALL ME!!!!

akward is as akward does

2011-07-21T11:18:00.001-07:00

so i am convinced if you look up akward in the dictionary you'll probably find a picture of me and i am oddly ok with it. The other night i was at a club with my boys we are trying to make our way through the crowd when i see this really tall guy that looks a lot like adam lambert i have had a drink or 2 so i just stare at him and turn to ivan and go 'wow that looks a lot like adam lambert' thinking i am being oh so discreet (let's be honest i am pretty loud) to which ivan goes 'that is adam lambert' to which i just continue to stare...i dunno why but for some reason i think this is just the oddist thing i have seen (to me its more strange than seeing a siamese twins) im almost pissed like wtf can't you just let the little people have a place to drink their sorrows away...not only 5 min later i start talking about our mutual friends and how hot i think they are (insert some inapropriate jargon here) and of course they then walk up right behind me...whatever they are hot and should know given the chance i would jump their bones..gay straight into dogs i really dont care i ll make out with you...

speaking of inapropriate i have a tendency while working to overhear (ok lets call a spade a spade sometimes i like to eaves drop and by sometimes i mean all the time...) last night i was working and i had this couple talking to their friend about how they got drunk and had sex..im thinking wow how inapropriate to tell at a restaraunt and then i remembered myself and all the inapropriate word vomit things i say and quickly shut the f up...i mean i am judging this poor lady while she is whispering what in the world must people think about me when i am the loudest most inapropriate bitch around town...no wonder people run away in fear...

so the best thing about working at an italian restaruant is you get to tell butt loads of people the specials...over and over and over again until you are blue in the face. My favorite part of this is when i ask would you like to hear the specials and people just sort of oddly stare at you and are like well sure we'd love to...let's be honest you don't really give a flying fuck just as much as i dont want to tell you...im sure at this point i give them the dirtiest look possible and casually glance down at my book where i have them written down...im not suave enough to memorize them...and im lazy...to which point most people ask me to repeat myself...what am i a parrot...and then most of the time they order something off the menu anyway...news flash people...if i ask you something and you are not interested and i clearly dont look interested in telling you then please dont make me waste my time and energy on spouting this shit off...especially when you can walk two feet and look at the board where it is written down....some people i swear..

the doctors visit from hell

2011-07-09T11:42:00.001-07:00

so this is what happens when no insurance will cover you and you end up getting insurance from the equivalent of like a prize out of a cracker jack box. You end up going to some shady doctor above a 7-11. literally the office was in some shady strip mall above a ghetto ass 7-11. I walk in and its like i have just entered the twighlight zone. I am pretty sure that this was a front for some russian mafia operation posing as a dr. office. I go in and nobody really speaks english. the receptionist isnt exactly sure if they take my insurance but she says they will see me anyway. I also have to fill out a bunch of paper work. Ok fine that is pretty standard if you are going to a new dr. Gee thanks lady please bill me a million dollars for this whack ass visit. I am then ushered back into the office where this 'nurse' proceeds to take my vitals with things that i can only describe as toys from a childrens dr kit that i used to play with when i was like 5. She shoves a plastic thermoter in my mouth puts a weird thing on my finger to 'take my pulse' squeezes my arm with that blood pressure thing and then times my pulse with her cell phone????? they also have an old skool scale that they make me step on and she cant figure out how to use it so she plays with the little wieghts on top and then instead of waiting for the little tab to get in the middle and be even she just gestimates how much it is. That is some fine quality service right there. One of my first signs i should have run from there screaming was when they asked me to sign an agreement saying i wouldnt sue them if anythng went wrong...i thought i just have a sore throat what could go wrong....kiss of death those words are but hey i have had a sore throat for like 3 weeks and i just need antibiotics at this point. as i am waiting for the 'dr' i see this man across the hall with a look of sheer panic on his face...he has to get blood drawn and these oh so qualified nurses whip out a medical book and start flipping through it looking at the diagram trying to figure out how to do it...ummm isnt that like nursing one oh one...both this guy and i shared a casual wtf we are screwed glance before they shut the door to draw his blood. I swear to god it felt like i was in some wierd twighlight zone zombie movie where they do weird shit to you and you know something weird is going on but nobody is talking about it and then a few days later bodies start appearing... after about ten minutes the 'dr' finally arrived. I swear on mks life the description i am about to give is in no way exxagerated..she walks in looking like a beat up russian drag queen with dark sunglasses on some weird flower print gypsy skirt bozo the clown hair and liptstick around her mouth...you know like when you are five and you get into mommys makeup and put it on like a clown...that was this lady...she then puts on her stethiscope and starts listening to my chest i can barely breathe because i am holding in my laughter...am i being punked seriously where is the hidden camera...she then looks at my throat with that flashlight thing tells me she doesnt think i have strep but she is going to take a swab anyway...when i ask her why my throat has been sore for three weeks she just looks at me and goes i dont know...gee asshole thanks...she then tries to swab my throat but cant get the thing open...finally she does and she 'takes the culture' she writes me a perscription for some antibiotics and i grab it and run the f away as fast as i can....pretty sure that that was not a real doctors office and that i didnt even see a real dr or any one of the medical industry...i am seriously hoping i run into a tv doc at this point i mean they arent real but hell i think they would give me better help than this...it is hollywood after all....

when in rome...

2011-07-07T14:11:00.000-07:00

so the other day i was eating with ivan and j who else at a pretty po dunk ghetto place i like to call denny's. Most of the time i can be seen there looking like a hot mess stuffing my face with eggs and bacon and any other unhealthy option you can think of (why cuz i am a fatty) so on this particular day we were so blessed to sit behind shane west and his date? hooker? one night stand wannabe? (for those of you who dont know shane west he played the reformed douche with mandy moore in a walk to remember) from what i could tell he was still a douche now some of you might ask the question why the f was shane west at denny's hey listen folks he's just like one of us maybe he is just a big fan of moon of my hammy but the better question i think is why would you ever take a date to denny's. so ivan casually air whispers that shane west is sitting behind me and of course me being so suave turn to look when i hear this tw*t ass bitch that he is with ordering a side salad with no dressing and pretty much everything on the side...ok you anorexic rabbit...i get wanting to be an actor/model so you have to eat "healthy" but come the f on you are at a denny's know where you are...when in rome aka denny's eat like the fat kids or get out...

in other liz put her foot in her mouth news...maybe not such a good idea to tell the lead of a play at the equivalent of a broadway house in la that they suck...yeah i did that in so many words... so the story goes like this i went with matt and sam (some friends visiting from back in ny) to see superior donuts at the Geffin playhouse. After the show they had this thing called talk back tuesday where the audience which i can only equivocate to that of a dinner theatre crowd asked really 'intellegent' questions like omg you dont really have an accent you mean you are not really russian. so after that fine display sam decided to stay after and actually ask an intellegent question to some of the actors who were hanging around. Long story short we all start chatting. I believe the comment was made by the actor that its to bad more people in la dont go to see theatre shows and my instantanouesly reply was "well maybe if there were good actors in la...oh shit wait that is not what i meant to say" immediately followed up by liz turning into a caveman speaking and then finally recovering enough to say "what i meant to say is if people werent so consumed with image maybe the acting would be better and people would actually want to see theatre" (of course it wasnt so eliqount as that and there were def more curses inserted in there... yeah i need to learn to shut it or at least only say what i am really thinking to my friends and not to i dunno the lead in the play who coincedentally also has had two hit films this summer. yeah im not winning any prizes at least he is able to get a gig while i just look like the bitter bitch who judges them...well here's hopin it all comes full circle so i am plenty sure that when i get up there i will have someone tell me to my face that i suck too...and when that day happens i will just look at her and be happy that i had the opportunity for this girl to see me and tell me i suck..

I just had a super hot guy help me park my car...

2011-06-23T14:02:00.000-07:00

so literally he helped me park my actual car (get your minds out of the gutter people) I was trying to pararell park my car in front of my building when i am suddenly aware that like ten people are staring at me. I suck at parking but parking when people are watching is awful. I start breaking out in a sweat and then cursing the day i was born (ok maybe not that dramatic) and then this super hot guy comes up to my car and pretty much laughs in my face. I mean he was so good looking i let him. Basically he was like sweetheart you aint never gonna park that car...(part of me wanted to punch him in the face and prove him wrong the other part of me wanted to be the damsel in distress girl for once) so i gave him a look and a little giggle and said something that probably would have set back feminism 100 years... "you should know i cant park im a girl" now before you go getting your panties in a twist i get it most girls can drive and park etc... I just happen to be real bad at it and i am not going to sit here and pretend that i am good at it. Ive been known to give a 'love tap' or two while parking. So anyway he goes "let me do that for you"...im thinking hell yeah you can. so i jummp out of my car and proceed to let this handsome stranger in it(after he tells me dont worry i wont steal it...honey you are so gorgeous i dont even care if you do..at least this way if the police bring you in on stolen car charges i can find out your name...) so he can give me a quick tutorial on how to parellel park. Let me side note here real quick to say i am a crazy (i may hide it well but crazy none the less) and as he was parking my car i kept thinking how cute our babies would look and what a romantic story it would be to tell our friends that we met and fell in love cuz he helped me park ...awww...so cute i smell a movie moment (i also think i have been watching to many romantic comedies now that i am detoxing....). and it would be a nice thought if i wasnt so akward. I am sure at this point flirty girlie girls would have been like "hey im liz by the way thank you so much for helping me out... whats your name" and started some cute flirty convo maybe have gotten some digits....but oh no no no since it is me I just akwardly stare at his beauty ask him how long he had been laughing/watching me try to park, give him a half smile and walk away...all while thinking what a dumb ass i am that i should have flirted and gotten his number and then after i mentally beat myself down i figured what the hell at least ill get a good story out of it...

What does this look like to you...

2011-05-30T13:06:00.000-07:00

So the other day i happened to witness a horrific thing...I saw a cop pull over a car full of kids...it was a residential street and these kids literally were doing nothing wrong they went to park and the cop car pulled in behind them...he took the drivers keys and asked him for his registration..the cop then asked the driver if he knew why he pulled over the kid...the kid said he had no idea and the cop didnt offer a reason...the cop then proceeded to write the kid two tickets one for an expired registration (oh by the way the registration wasnt expired the kid actually renewed it and was waiting for the new one to come in the mail from the dmv) and another ticket for not having an la license...interstingly enough the kid was not given a ticket for the reason he was being pulled over...yet again no reason was given...Did i mention that there were four kids in the car and they were all BLACK!!! now i am no albert eisntein but you can bet your ass if it was 4 white kids 1) they would not have gotten pulled over and 2)they would not have gotten pulled over...Disgusting behavior and this is why people think all cops are assholes...they are nowhere to be found when someone is trying to shoot you but fuck if you illegaly change lanes without your blinker they are all over that shit...

In other news i have gotten a new job at a little italian restaraunt by the beach...its a really cool little spot and most people are very chill...although you do have your exceptions this one woman felt the need to complain about how i pronounced some of the words for the food...guess what bitch i actually am italian and maybe the way you think words are pronounced are wrong cuz you are a whitey white...(i really wanted to call her an uneducated ho but i need this job) so i just smiled and said thanks...and obviously just use it to write about...

raise your hand if you know what the hell is going on....

2011-05-23T12:33:00.000-07:00

So as we all know i had to start the oh so awesome job search again...well needless to say it wasnt going so hot..however a ray of sunshine fell into my lap...seemingly out of the blue this woman called me who i had interviewed with like back in nov called me and asked me if i was still looking for a job and that she had a position open...apparantly she remembered really liking me and thought i would fit in really well....sweetness...this almost seemed to good to be true...of course the skeptic in me is thinking if it seems to good to be true it probably is but the other part of me that is trying to be optimistic because i really needed this job...so i like the anal rentive person i am call to confirm the night before about training but there is no awnser so i just leave a message....i dont hear back from her the next day but i figure the responsible thing to do would be to show up anyways...so i get there and there is no sign of this chickadee...not only is there no sign of her but she is also not picking up her cell...so i walk around and find supposdly the owner he speaks very little english and seemingly has no idea that i have been hired there. He keeps trying to hand me an application and telling me to come back another day and i keep trying to explain to him that i have already filled out an application and interviewed and i am here to train...at this point another waitress shows up and i try explaining it the situation to her at which point she goes i have no idea i just got hired this is only my second day...she then tries explaining it to the owner that i am here to work not to interview at which point he looks at me shakes his head and goes "i dont know..i already hired girl this morning" wtf...i am thinking in my head so i just sit there siliently raging and tell him i will just wait for the girl who hired me and talk to her...chaos then breaks out when two of the waitresses who were supposed to show up both call out sick and there is no one to train me and did i mention no one can get a hold of the head girl...finally another girl shows up out of the woodwork who then informs me that today is a "wierd chaotic day" and that the manager will get in touch with me to come in another day and train....awesome....chaos chaos chaos....i later learned that the job i was supposed to get went to a chick that the owner hired without telling the manager...however god is good and they have another restaraunt that some girl just quit from....i can't ever imagine why...and i can take that spot....oh how i love the never ending cycle of surving...well kids it looks like im not gonna end up living in a box...yet

when you are going through hell grab some vodka and keep going

2011-05-11T20:42:00.000-07:00

p.s this video is in reference to the girls that i worked with at the restaraunt....

so basically as you all probs know this is the 2nd restaraunt job in la that i have gotten dismissed from (I am not gonna say fired cuz in both instances i wasnt technically fired...the first time around i was given my paycheck and told "thank you" p.s that owner was a frigin hitler nazi evil prick and yelled at me from everything to giving a customer to many napkins to not charging for extra tomatos...seriously..and this time around well i wasnt told anything...i was never fired and i never quit i was just not put on the schedule...when i tried to ask the owner he told me to take it up with the server manager who makes the schedule and that bitch hates me...when i asked her about it she told me to talk about it with the owners...basically it was not a job worth fighting to keep because a bunch of the girls started spreading viscous rumors about me and one of them was stealing cash from my checkbooks...again i seriously don't think normal people end up with these fucked jobs im just special...)so anyway as you can see it totally is not my fault...seriously you'd think if i was to get fired it would be for something i actually deserved like telling a rude customer to fuck themselves or something but no such luck....anyway having said all that my friend mariel told me to try to start my own business doing personal assistant work, errands etc... so i took her advice and decided to try it out...well i get a response from a seemingly normal woman asking me if i am available to work in may...at this point i am super excited and jumping for joy i immediatley email her back and ask her what her specific project is and what she needs... I didnt get a response or so i thought...but then i checked my spam oh indeed she did email me let me share that with you now...

Re: Wrong CL Ad, Please Read (thats the subject)

Hey, this is Kim. I had replied to you're resume posting on CL earlier today by mistake (I sent you an email asking if you were able to come in this week). We are looking for a new receptionist to come in next week for our office (I work for a research company and I was EXTREMELY tired when I got in earlier) and I believe I may have your ad mixed up with someone elses ad. I was actually meaning to get in contact with a person who has an ad a few spots above yours, not the one you posted, but I ended up responding to your ad unintentionally, thats why my message seemed so vague. I did not want to be rude and not answer your email incase you were waiting on a reply from me, I just wanted to let you know that it wasn't your ad I was responding to.

i would think this is ironic but the way my life is going this is actually just the norm...seriously this shit doesnt happen to normal people...no response would have been better than this but this is just degrading...aka u suck but that other girl is awesome...at this point i could laugh or cry and right now i am laughing cuz that is just pathetic...

this would only happen to me....

2011-05-09T16:22:00.000-07:00

So the other day I had to be in downtown la to film something. We were emailed very detailed instructions on where to park and what parking structure to park in... for most normal people this would be fine however since its me we are talking about i clearly found a way to mess this up. Let me pause here to say driving in downtown la is like driving in the city and if you don't know where you are going it is super confusing and because i am too cheap to crack and by a gps i really can't afford to get lost and or in an accident because i am that stupid asshole driving around lost. so here i find myself downtown in approximately the area that i should be...there are like 3 parking garages to chooose from. I somehow manage to pass 2 of them and cannot turn around ( its just all one way streets and im afraid of getting lost if i try to turn around) so the genious that i am just pulls into the next available garage. Thinking its fine its sunday it wont be that expensive...wrong again the sign says 20 dollars... the other parking garages were 5...i try to back out and turn around but i cant because there is now a line of cars behind me and i am forced to go up this circular structure of death...oh yes this is the most awesomest parking garage i have ever been in and by awesome i mean its blew like a slutty girl in highschool. It had a circular path that wound its way up about 5 times...i was getting dizzy in my car from going up so many times i thought i was going to puke...it just kept going and going and going...at this point i am panicking and feeling extremely claustrophobic but cant stop because there is no way down until you get to the top and there are cars on my ass beeping at me...it was like a bad roller coaster ride from hell....i finally get to the top and park...thanking god that i didnt just pass out from the anxiety of that. Did i mention i am running late for my call time or i think i am...so i get out of my car and somehow manage to miss the big ass sign that says elevators..i am now in a blind rage at this parking garage with no way out. i feel like a rat trapped in a cage and i irrationaly want to beat the crap out of the person who built this shitty parking garage of death. I finally find some shady unlit staircase and decide what the hell lets just take it thinking it was the only way i was going to get down...i start walking down the staircase thinking wow i am definitly gonna die here...its smelled like piss and im pretty sure at the bottom was going to pop out some homeless guy and knife me...and all i kept thinking was f me i just got the iphone i dont want to have to get mugged....i finally make it down the stairs no homeless people in sight...not that im prejudiced homeless people need a place to sleep to...in fact if i dont find a job soon i many be sharing this stairwell with them....i get outside and have to walk through a gate...its at this point i realize there is probably no way back in...whatever i dont have time to think about it i thnk i am late (which it turns out i wasnt) i get all the way to set and i realize i forgot my pregnancy belly..so i have to go back to my car and get it...super freaking awesome...its then that i realize i cant go back the way i came cuz all the doors to the shady stairs of death are gated off...i am now flipping my shit i walk around this damn thing like 3 times and finally figure out it is a parking garage attached to a mall...i use my deductive reasoning skills to figure out that if i just go in this mall that maybe i can get to the parking garage from there...ding ding ding....my brain finally started to work...i find the elevator make it back up to my car realize i had parked pretty much directly across from the elevator curse myself for being stupid take the elevator back down and book it back to set....at which point i proceed to tell everyone on set of my parking garage horror story to which they just say you could have just parked next door for free....damn it...at this point i am way to aggravated to move my car and just say f it and decide to leave it there...bad descicion cuz it ended up costing me like 30 bucks...and again i am awesome...i dont really know why this stuff continues to shock me whats wacko for everyone else i have slowly excepted as my normal...

i may have well have just crammed a dozen feet in my mouth

2011-04-22T17:55:00.000-07:00

so here is a tid bit advice when you are about to talk sh*t..don't do it cuz u never know who might know who...especially in this town that i live in...allow me to explain...i was out with one of my freinds and i started talking total smack about this completely random person...( I believe my exact words were "that person is a total bitch..")or so i thought this person was random until my friend goes I actually am friends with that person i was at their wedding and they are really nice...at this point im not gonna lie i want to frigin die....and im sure this person is actually really nice i dont even know them...talk about inserting foot in mouth this was like inserting every foot in the place in my mouth...i mean there is no amount of rope i could use to dig myself out of that hole i might as well use the rope to go hang myself...so i do the only thing i can do at this point and go "i'm sure they are nice...I am probably the bitch" lets be honest we all know how judgy mcjuderson i can be...so the lesson here (well more for myself) is to shut the f up and stop talking shit...

in other news i was eating with ivan at a salad place in the gayborhood and i realize i am staring at this dude...yes we all know i akwardly stare at men like they are the last piece of meat on the planet...to which ivan goes rather loudly i might add "liz stop staring" yes i was staring but not for the reasons ivan thinks...i was staring cuz i realized that this dude was breckin myer (like from clueless) ok now i know it prob looked like i was staring bcse of who he is but that is not the reason at all...my first thought was why the hell is he eating here (aka in the heart of west hollywood...i wonder if he likes the peen) and then my second thought was oh shit he is on that new show franklin and bash that i did extra work for i hope he doesnt recongnize me as being that obnoxious extra...yeah i admit it...i am that concieted that i was afraid this dude who has probably seen thousands of extras in his day was going to recognize me as that dumb bitch (who prob made fun of his height...he is mad short) and say something (although in my defense the day that i did extra work for that show was the day that he was obsessed with one of my friends from background and the day i had to do a fake shot with him...so it could have been possible) although i do realize that if i wanted to remain completely inconspicious i should not have started staring in the first place...

in other non related news...i have been interviewing for jobs all week and i realize i am bad at interviews...as you can prob guess by now i dont have a filter and that is prob not the best quality to have when you are applying for a job...literally i can hear the little voice in the back of my brain telling my mouth to shut the f up but the words just seem to fly out inapropriatley anyway...for example one guy asked me what the worst job i ever had was and why...and when i told him it was working for 5 years at an executive office center with crazy he goes why did you stay there for 5 years to which i responded i dunno im probably a little crazy myself...being crazy...hmmm...prob not a desirable quality you want to have in a future employee...or another place i interviewed the guy asked me if i had any ailments or sicknesses he should know about...to which i laughed in his face and go "why would you ask me that noone has ever asked me that before" (and lets be honest even if i did i would never tell this dude who would be employing me) and if you think that is the inapropriate part of the story think again...cuz he responds by saying oh well my x, well current..well actually x girlfriend gets migraines...i just want to be curteos to people like that...i go "hmmm x girlfriend let me guess its complicated its one of those relationships" who does that i mean seriously not only do i laugh in his face but then i insult him as a human being...and i wonder why people arent jumping at the chance to higher this sassy ass bitch....

although shameless plug if anyone knows anyone hiring in la i may be slightly bitchy but i am a really good employee....

a lil blast fromt the past..

2011-04-14T14:00:00.000-07:00

so for whatever reason for the past few weeks my blackberry has decided to randomly send me emails from myself....the weird thing is it keeps sending me the same email over and over of a scene i had written about 4 years ago for a showcase ( ironically i wrote the scene based on a book i had read and that said book is now being turned into a movie....) any who i am taking this as a sign to publish it on my blog... its kind of rough but never the less enjoy....

Kate: I never meant anything to anyone…correction I never thought I meant anything to anyone until him. Don’t get me wrong, I had a best friend but it was more like I was there for her more than she was ever there for me.

Bethany: I can’t help it that I was born privileged and beautiful. It’s not my fault that I always got the attention.

Kate: But we were typical best friends… we had sleepovers, talked about boys, shared each other’s clothes, we would talk about our ideal guy and whom we wanted to marry. I wanted to marry Devis green

Bethany: Devis Green was such a loser. He had these big bottlenose glasses and pocket protectors. I mean what the hell is that. Plus his head which by the way was huge, I’m talking like bowling ball size massive, was always buried in a book, but I figured he’d probably make a lot of money someday so naturally he became my first boyfriend.

Kate: She also got into to Princeton. My dream ever since my parents took me there when I was little.

Bethany: I told her I got in. I didn’t even want to go there. I just applied so I could be near her. Fuck Princeton. Do they even know who my father is? Whatever. I know it sounds stupid, but when she was around I felt safe and no matter where I was I knew I was home.

Kate: I was still supportive and happy for her though because after all we were best…

Bethany: Best Friends what a joke. No matter how self absorbed I may have been I did not deserve what happened.

Kate: I never meant for it to happen.

Bethany: Sure, I was always in the spotlight, but that didn’t mean I wanted her to be in the shadows.

Kate: He was there for me in a way she never was. A way she never could be. I didn’t even think of him as her fiancé. He just became this incredibly amazing person that I wanted to be around all of the time.

Bethany: I honestly thought she was always content at playing second string to me. Let’s face it: some people are born leaders and some people are born followers. I never intentionally tired to upstage her. I thought she like being my sidekick!

Kate: It’s not that she was selfish. I just don’t think she had it in her to think of anyone but herself.

Bethany: I made her life easier. She had no pressure to be popular and keep up appearances. She just got to tag along with my image, which I have to say was pretty great.

Kate: But that was how she was and I loved her anyway.

Bethany: Truth be told, I was always a little bit jealous of her. She was the smart one with good grades and a family that cared about her really cared about her and not just appearances, like my family.

Kate: I didn’t want to have feelings for her fiancé, it just happened one night. We were all hanging out having a good time, I told this really awful joke that no one got well except for him. He looked at me in a way he had never looked at me before, it was different and special and in that moment I knew things were never going to be the same.

Bethany: He was gorgeous with a great job, and on paper he looked great. The guy that everyone wants to take home to mom, you know the type. We made a beautiful couple. We just looked like we went together. Like salt and pepper or oil and vinegar although they don’t really go together but anyway you get the point.

Kate: It was a chance for something real for the both of us. It was finally my turn to find happiness. It wasn’t just a fling, something I did to get back at her. To tell the truth, when I am with him I never even think about her.

Bethany: The only problem was I just didn’t love him

Kate: I love him. Real love, all consuming, can’t live without him kind of love. And He loves me.

Bethany: We belonged together. I was the pretty popular one. The one that everyone always chose. How can he possibly choose her over me? I mean look at me hello!! I would have made it work. I did not deserve her betrayal.

Kate: I never meant to hurt her but I can’t be sorry for finally finding happiness. All those times I walked in the shadows and now it’s finally my turn.

"let's give em' something to talk about..."

2011-04-12T14:51:00.000-07:00

so moving from ny i didnt think buildings could get any closer to each other and when i moved out here the proximity of my neighbors and the surrounding buildings was clearly not something that was on my mind bcse i was too busy trying to find a place to live before i ended up in a nice little box on the street...(clearly i wasnt thinking because the place we ended up in or rather i should say i ended up in bcse the other half of that equation is no longer present...that is a different blog for a different day...one in which i have not talked about...yet....hey i have the right to do anything i want...it may not be the right thing to do (wink wink nod nod) but i still have the right to do it...sound familiar...however i am just choosing to do the right thing at this moment...who knows how long that will last...) any who when I moved in here 8 months ago i didnt realize how close the neighboring apt was to mine...literally i could take a stick like they do in friends and poke the people in the window across from me...which leads me to my story...when i first moved in i was awakened at all hours of the night by a very lively couple...and by lively i mean they were bumpin like bunnies on a regular basis...fine by me you crazy kids have your fun and ill pretend to ignore...its so loud it literally sounds like someone is banging it out in the next room (for a while i thought the x roomate was...) so a few times every week -good for these kids for keepin the romance alive- i hear this crap...too bad i dont actually know what apt it is cuz i would prob be tempted to get a stick and poke like in friends or at the very least get some popcorn and invite my guy friends over (free porn...i do what i can to be a good friend..lol...yes i know very sex and the city of me...) so anyways i have learned to ignore ( my sister by the way was horrified when she came...it was like 2 in the morning and we were mid conversation when they started going at it...it sounds like a dying cat by the way...so they are either doing something very very right or very very wrong...you decide..and all the sudden mk goes" what is.." stops mid sentence a dsgusted flash of recognition passes on her face..and then she proceeds..."omg eww sick gross"...so anyway flash forward to a few days ago when my lanlord calls me...i try to avoid him like the plague these days..but he had been calling me for the past few days so i knew i had to awnser...im thinking he is gonna try to evict me or something..imagine my surprise, relief shock and horror as he basically tells me that a new tenant has moved in and she is complaining about these "noises" she has been hearing coming from the other building at all hours of the night...and he then asks me if i have heard them too...i tell him yeah all the time...the whole freakin neighborhood has heard them they might as well charge admission and make a lil money off that sh*t...he then goes ok well i have to talk to the other landlord about that...i mean how is that convo gonna go...um excuse me but ur tenants seem to be screwing at all hours of the night can you kindly tell them to keep it down or threaten them with eviction...can u imagine being evicted for "being too loud" i mean now adays people are worried enough about how they are going to pay their rent and now they have to be concerned about their volumes...on the other hand they can buy each other muzzles...from the sounds of them they would probably be into it...

banks are not my friend this week...

2011-04-08T15:08:00.000-07:00

so on like monday i decide to be a nice person and go make a deposit for one of my friends (he was at work) and apparantly i choose to go to the only bank of america in los angeles that should be considered more of a daycare than an actual bank...not by the actual people there but by the insane amount of children running around...i decide i am gonna try to ignore the ankle biters but they must sense my fear and they come running up to me anyway....the kid in back of me was standing uncomfortably close and everytime i moved up he literally would move until he was practically standing on top of me...i dont care if you are 12 if you are standing all up on me i will throw a swing...(ok maybe not a punch just a light shove) and then i witness this mother with two kids one of whom was prob like 5 and sitting in a stroller and the other one couldnt have been more than like 2...the 2 year old apparantly thought that the bank was his own personal playground and he kept running clear around this place...its not like his mother was distracted...she had finished her transaction and was just staring at her son running rampant..at one point the munchkin tried to push open the door and the mom just stood there and watched him like she was on drugs...hello lady your kid is about to run out in traffic and you are just standing there...and ok some parents can give a kid the evil eye look ( meaning i dont have to say anything just wait till we get home and then you will get the beating of your life...a look i am well versed in) so as not to act inapropriate in public but this was not one of those looks...she just looked confused..and instead of running after her snot nosed lil person (literally he had snot running down his face) she makes the 5 year old chase him down with a lolipop...yeah lady thats a punishment...and she's gonna wonder in about 10 years where she went wrong when she is bailing her kid out of jail ( ok maybe that is a little harsh...but come on pple...there is nothing wrong with a lil spanking here and there...i mean thats how i was raised and i turned out just fine...well relatively speaking...)

and then on wed i had to go into my bank because tues night i lost all of my credit cards and my ids...(you can all use your imagination to figure out how i did that one) so i had to go intot the bank to get a temp card until mine come in the mail...omg the girl i talked to could not have been any weirder...she totally reminded me of jennifer jason leigh when she stalked bridgette fonda in the single white female movie...she was staring at me like she was envisioning skinning me alive and then wearing me as next years fashion (p.s before she worked at the bank she worked in fashion...creepy) so i basically go to sit down and she is staring down my shirt...im thinking this has got to be in my head this isnt really happening and then she goes oh i like your watch and your bag...i was like oh great now i am the wierdo bcse she was just staring at my watch and my bag and i was thinking she was staring down my shirt...but then she starts asking me creepy weird questions like where i hang out and where i live and stuff (ok i know it sounds like they are all perfectly normal questions but it was the way she was like saying them and leering at me...)im trying to be normal...which means i am completely akward and squirming in my seat and my friend j who was there with me being the friendly person that he is goes oh where do you hang out...im thinking good question now we know where to avoid..and after she responds he goes oh we live right by there sometime we should hang out...at which point she get up to get my new temp card and i give j the stare of death (ok maybe not that dramatic) because now a)either she is going to think he asked her or or b) she is going to think he asked her out for me....either way akward.. i do not want this girl near me ever... so then he goes oh really shoot sorry cuz while he was just trying to be nice i am literally being paranoid that this girl thinks i am hitting on her...(just cuz i frequent not straight bars does not make me not straight...not that there is anything wrong with that..but lets be honest i like men parts way too much...)she comes back with my card and i run out of there so fast you would have thought my hair was on fire...but the best is when we are making are speedy get away j turns to me and goes "that girl was totally wierd when we first walked in she was totally staring down your shirt" i was like "i knew she was looking dwon my shirt..." validation that i am not crazy and that this girl was totally swf...and then j and i decided she was creepy and we must avoid that bar like the plague from now on in case i ever run into this psycho...

p.s i know what you are all thinking if he thought she was creepy y would be like we should hang out( no he wld never put me in a bad situation....i can get myself in enough trouble without the help of anyone...there is a reason i had to go to the bank in the first place to replace my stuff..)awnser he is the nicest human being possible and is freindly to everyone and tries to see the good in everyone...which i find a great quality and makes for one hell of a hilarious story:)

i think kinkos just kicked my ass...

2011-04-03T14:05:00.000-07:00

p.s this song has nothing to do with my blog post...i just like it...

so my bday was on thursday and i turned older than id like to admit and my day started off by recieving a lovely text message that went something like this (happy bday...its sucks to know that we are this age and have accomplished nothing with our lives..this person shall remain nameless however i lived with her so long we cld be considered a common law marriage ;) lol ) yes it is hard to be of my age and know ive accomplished zilch...but what are ya gonna do at least i don't look (or act my age...as my sister so lovingly pointed out) however i will say the smoothest thing i have ever seen done was on thursday night when ivan took me out to dinner...sushi and saki saki and more saki and then a few saki bombs...and all of the sudden the waitress comes out with this huge fried icecream thing with a candle and some guy with a snare drum or some type of japenese drum start banging out happy bday...ok now i know what you are thinking...big deal anyone can 'go to the bathroom' but secretly sneak off and tell the waiter its my friends bday and of course the said bday friend pretends not to know but secretly does and then acts embarrased when they get a cake and everyone sings to them....however this was not the case...i have no idea how he did it but dude never left the table once nor did he secretly say anything to the waiter cuz i was with him the whole time...it was like a magic trick...yeah im four...you people may think i am lame but i thought it was awesome....

and in other random news the day after that i had some meeting that i had to go to where i had to print out more resumes and bcse my old roomate took the printer when he moved out (i wont mention names but his first name rhymes with man and his last name durphy) so i was forced to go to kinkos to make copies...now when normal people go to kinkos they walk in make their copies and walk out but when this winner walks in she spends 20 min in there not being able to figure out why the stupid paper keeps coming out horizontal instead of freaking vertical...i worked at an office for 5 years i should be able to figure this out...i try everything (just like eniko taught me...lol) i make sure the setting is on 8 by 11 vertical...i select the vertical paper tray...i try feeding it through the top...and nothing it still keeps coming out horizontal and the bottom of the resume is cut off...i then create a paper jam and am forced to have the kinkos lady come over while now there is a growing line and had these customers had pinch forks i would have been lynched...so she comes over and can't figure it out so then the supervisor has to come over...and you want to know what the problem was folks....the paper that i was trying to copy wasnt 8 by 11...thats right i forgot the paper was smaller than what i thought...why bcse i am a moron and apparantly saki and beer have killed all 3 brain cells that i have left...so after the kinko ladies silently judges me and helps me fix the problem ( and by that i mean just putting a normal size peice of white paper over what i was trying to copy to make the machine think it was 8 by 11 so it would come out vertical) it was time for me to staple my resume to my headshots...and hear is where the real fun begins because apparantly i pick up the one stapler in the place that has defunked staples(just call me mr. bean) and every third one is coming out all cockeyed...you know where the staple gets all bent and doesnt go through all the way and then it gets stuck in the stapler and you have to open the stapler to fish it out and if you are like me you get cut by the crooked jagged staple...i finally finish and run out of the store with my tail between my legs...of course kinkos wouldnt be that easy silly girl why would i ever think something that is supposed to take 5 min would take me anything less than an hour...

yes this is my life...seriously

2011-03-27T13:11:00.000-07:00

(thats ivan and the other chikadee is mk..two of my loves :))
so my life is definitely whack... this is how my weekend turned out

thurs night: I decide after a heinous day of a horrendous agency meeting ( i get an email a few days ago from an agency that has the name of a geomotry figure...first mistake to go with anyone that takes their name after a geometric figure...i failed geomotry...anyway i decide to go cuz i literally have nothing to lose...so i go in on tuesday they give me commercial and theatrical sides to read...they put me on camera and then they send me home...i get a phone call the next day from some talking head saying they would like to sign me so please come in to fill out paperwork...again i feel like this is super sketch...but i go cuz hey i love living on the edge..and i want to see what this place can offer...the awnser to that is nothing they can offer me nothing except to tell me that since i "dont have any credits" (thanks captain obvious...that i already know) its going to be hard to get me auditions but this agency really believes in new talent...by the by this was all said to me by the 'administrator' because there was no agent available to talk to and when i asked this said 'administator' to talk to an agent who would be representing me she just turns to me and goes 'well i used to be a manager so i can awnser all your questions and if you were one of our clients you wouldnt want an agent taking time out of their busy day pitching you to talk to a potential client that wouldnt be fair' um excuse me lady that is exactly what i would want...i would want some other poor slob like myself to get their questions answered...needless to say i never got to see an agent but i did get to see a lot of random sketch balls walking in and out of this office running around aimlessly...so yeah im prob not gonna go with this one) after this exprience i decide to go with ivan to a club we frequent on thursdays...ivan and i apparantly cannot be left alone without a chaperone aka our friend jon bcse we get into fights...it was around 1 am and we were getting ready to leave anyway and i see three guys and ivan about to fight (or this is how it went down in my mind) and of course being the scrappy b*tch that i am i jump in the middle then somehow me and some little queen get into it and then ivan is holding me back while two other guys are holding back the other guy and then security ( a big black dude mind you) picks me up a little 100 pound girl (literally picks me up by my pants) and throws me out...wtf...i am the littlest one and i am the one that gets thrown out...let that be a lesson...i may be small but get me mad enough i will throw down...and evidently prob win...im not gonna lie i kind of feel awesome that i can be that threatening...so let that me a lesson dont mess with me or my friends..i will cut you...

in other wierd news apparantly when i am working as a waitress i am also doubling as random drunk girl and matchmaker extradoinare...let me explain.. i walked up to a guy on friday night to clear his table from the random half empty drinks and he just looks at me with an akward stare so i say "um are you done with these" and again he stares at me blankly i then proceed to take his drinks and he leans over to me and goes "oh you work here...i thought you were a random drunk girl that was coming up to me" ok buddy a) check your eyesight and b) if i was a random drunk girl you would not be the guy i would be going up to...you would be lucky to get me going up to you (id like to think this is bcse i have some sort of human dignity but lets be honest...its prob cuz i am too drunk to stand and am akwardly being held up by one of my boys...and by boys i mean j, ivan or jon..none of them which i hook up with just to be clear..) and then on sat night i was asked by some akward 50 year old hefty looking guys to send over some drinks to the 20 looking models at the next table over...these ladies werent drinking so when i went back to the older gentleman to tell them their offer was declined they then asked me to send over some dessert to them...again these women politely declined...so i had to go back to the men and tell them these ladies were not interested (totally akward...and this just goes to show that sometimes no matter how much money you have if you are an old man dog....it just aint gonna happen)

only me...

2011-03-20T19:56:00.000-07:00

so my life is more like a reality show trainwreck than anything else...but i write about it all for your entertainment (hopefully you read it and laugh and think wow her life is fd thank g-d its not me cuz thats what i would think...jk) so the other day i had to go scouting diner locations for the upcoming film i am producing..we have to go look in the most po dunk places because we are a very low budget film and cant afford to pay a lot for this location..so basically we need to find some hill billy who knows nothing who will let us film in his diner for two days..um this is a little harder to do than one would think because hello this is la and even in the most po dunk of places people are hip to us and are eager to make a quick buck...so i go with this other girl producing the film to try to find potential locations...(fyi we take my car cuz the other girls car was pretty nice and mine was more ghetto and we didnt want to give the impression that we were hoitie toitie girls..cuz when you look at me i scream mrs money bags..in reality i prob scream hot mess get this girl to finishing school...im more like darlene from the 90s sitcom roseanne) so anyways as we are driving around the middle of nowhere looking for diners we walk into this one place that looks like a cowboy bar from the 1970s and everyone( and by everyone i mean like 3 people in there including the owner) crowded around the tv watching breaking news about how there was just a shooting up the street at a mcdonalds...and what makes this even better was we figure out we have to drive directly through the scene of the crime to get to our next location..awesome...that would happen to me...go for a simple day of scouting out locations and get caught among a shooting...good thing i dont eat mcdonalds..

and in other news my sis is def my dads favorite and i believe st pattys day has solidified that when my sister and i called my dad after we had an irish car bomb shot (well i made her do it let's be honest) and with the time change it was like 3 in the morning his time..i figured he would just let it go to vm which he would have if we had called from my phone.. but then i forgot my sis is the favorite so he obviously picks up cuz we called from her phone and he is seriously pissed cuz he thinks something is wrong and then my sis hands the phone to me and makes me talk to my now angry dad.. after i hang up my sis goes yeah i figured dad would pick up cuz its me and he prob thought something happened to me and to add insult to injury she adds yeah we prob shouldnt call him late at night cuz he has heart problems and gets anxiety attacks in the middle of the night...great not only am i a bad daughter for giving my dad a possible heart attack i apparantly am a moron for forgetting my dad has heart problems...ok people in my defense i was a few drinks in...hey it was st. pattys day and i had to get in touch with my irish side (yes i have an irish side...but for real my grandma was irish im 25% kids...) we will just see who is the favorite in a few years when i get my oscar...haha in ur face mk..jk lovs you...and if you are reading this please suck up to dad so he doesnt cut me off...thanks :)

Mumblers need to die!!!!

2011-03-07T16:56:00.000-08:00

Ok so that may be a little harsh...but i have recently started working at a new establishment where most of the clintele speaks another language...not only can i not understand their other language (clearly i am as white as they come...well white speaking and when people ask me what i am and i respond italian and they respond with well can you speak it and i cleverly quip back with only the curse words...quick side note...i went over to a table of guys the other day and this exact interchange happens so of course i say "no but i can cuss you out in italian" to which these guys were like we want to hear...so or course i say it...sorry dad...i then learn that this just happens to be the table of the owners lil brother...yeah i just told my owners lil bro to go f himself in italian...awesome)but i also cant understand when they mumble what they want...i then have to be the jackass who repeadtly asks "im sorry what did you say" with a polite smile on my face while thinking in my head speak the f up how the hell am i supposed to get you anything when i cant understand what the hell you are saying. and the best is when i ask them to repeat what they want they just akwardly stare at me like i have just sprouted two dragon heads look at each other say to each other what did she just say...they then have to decipher what the idiot white girl has just asked them in their native tongue..while probably giving me a few of their own 'special' words, while i am just standing there like a moron repeating myself like a god damned parrot..they then look at me after they have deciphered my so multilayered question of can you please repeat that give me a look of disgust and then they still mumble what they want...so i then now get to place the awesome guessing game in my head of deciphering wtf you just said...the best was the girl who i heard speaking english and then when i asked her what she wanted she stared at her friend to interpret they spoke in their language and then the friend had to look at me and tell me what her friend wanted...listen bitch i know you speak english i heard you... dont look at me like i am the asshole when i am just trying to help you...and this is when the rage comes out..get excited for more stories to come

Welcome to my silly life...

2011-02-26T14:02:00.000-08:00

If you read this then you are quite aware of all the akward run ins i have...its prob just because i am an akward person...but anywho i have this habit (well problem really lets be honest I think im being discreet while ivan says i just blatantly stare with judgement written all across my face..he's prob right) of staring at really hot guys (most of the ones in my neighborhood dont like the ladyparts so its fine to stare at them and sometimes you find a diamond in the rough meaning they're actually straight) so im walking to the post office today and run into such a gem...insert akward moment here...i see this adonis (like my use of the big word...i think it roughly translates to a really hot greek god) anyway im just in shock over how hot he is that i completley walk into the glass door obvi he sees this and then when i try to smoothly recover and open it the wind blows the door back at me and then i akwardly get stuck in the door..(think laney boggs akward in that horrific freddi prinz jr movie of the 90s "she's all that") and to add insult to injury literally that door was heavy..i then see him in the post office with his super hot model girlfriend who i bet does not walk into doors...

if thats not bad enough for one week i also have a knack for saying inapropriate things...case and point a few days ago i was giving someone a ride to their car when i happened to be blocked in by a ups truck and a bmw...to which i made the comment "all people who drive bmws are douchebags" i'm sorry but in my experience most people who drive bmrs are kind of stuck up pricks...not all...but most...so i manage to manuever around the ups and the douchey car with some of my smooth driving skill moves (lets be honest i suck at driving so how i didnt hit either of them was a bloody miracle) and i pull up to the parking lot and ask what car is theirs... they go "it's this one"...ding ding ding you guessed it folks its a beemer and im an asshole...of course it would be a bmw cuz i just trashed all people who drive them and this is my life...as ivan would say of course that would happen to you...its you

I'm a server not a servant..don't get it twisted

2011-02-18T13:15:00.000-08:00

So I just recently found an awesome serving job at night at a lil bar and grill specializing in middle eastern cuisine...now if this restaraunt specializes in middle eastern food chances are drum roll please the clintele will most likely be of the middle eastern descent...now i dont want to steriotype(but i am going to) most people..not all..(come on every nationality has there steriotype...ill even call out my own people..greasy italians who are prob in the mob...who get insulted when people think they can't afford things but then bitch about how expensive shit is when said person is trying to insult them) but most people of that region tend to be a lil demanding and overbearing and treat people more as if they are servants beneath them...not all bcse some of the clientele have been very nice and gracious others will spill a drink on you and then look at you like you are scum of the earth when you dont rush to clean it up...anywho i had this one table who didnt speak any english except for two word..."diet coke no ice" now i dont know where you are from but in america when we order we are considerate and everyone orders at the same time and when your sever asks you if you need anything else you dont just akwardly stare at them say nothing have the person next to you ask for a "diet coke no ice" and then when they go fetch the item and return to the table then ask for "uh 1 more diet coke no ice" this happened about ten times ( i literally was running back and forth to the kitchen for about 20 min fetching this one table diet cokes cuz everytime i would go back to the table someone else would ask for something in spite of the fact that i kept repeatedly saying does anyone else need anything...apparantly in other countries they like to play the game lets make asshole waitress look like a monkey and see how many tricks she can do before she explodes)p.s you are not my only table... dont get that shit twisted i only have so much patience when it comes to stuff like that and pretty soon those aholes were going to be wearing there "diet coke no ice"

...and speaking of being italian on a random side note when i was growing up the only italian i learned how to speak was the curse words...like when my mother would be driving and say things like a vanabla or other choice words..it wasn't until i got older that i realized how dirty italian curse words really are (roughly translated they mean in one form or another go f yourself however the literal translations are a lot more intense and agressive...no one can curse you out and wish death upon your house like an italian...we may be catholic and praising god in one breath but in the other we can be vindictive wishing death to all who cross us..or maybe that is just me...) anywho i was on set a few weeks ago and i dropped something and bent down to pick it up and one of those choice italian phrases popped out of my mouth...which would have sounded like gibberish to anyone around me...except lucky me standing right behind me was one of the production guys...and you guessed it he just happened to speak italian fluently...he goes what did you just say and i responded "oh fuck you didnt just understand that did you" to which he responded with a little chuckle "oh yes i did" ( i wont get to vulgar but the literal translation of what i said had something to do with shoving one body part into the other...and not in the pleasant sense...use your imagination to figure that one out kids)...so let that be a lesson to you or really just me...shut ur pie hole even if it is in a diff language cuz you never know who will be listening in...i can't seem to catch a break i get in trouble no matter what language i speak...

also this being hollywood i see hotties all over the place...most of them not straight...so imagine my excitement when i was sitting with my friend j and i see a hot guy walk into this obscure coffee shop we were at...i keep staring at this hottie thinking i should say something...then i realized who it was..noah wyle (aka the kind of dorkie dr from er who had the rich grandma who owned the hospital...) and yes ladies he is a lot hotter in person than on tv...of course i was akwardly staring but only bcse i thought he was cute not bcse of who he was but then i thought oh crap he prob thinks im staring cuz i recgnize him and im not im just checkin him out but now i cant say anything cuz i dont want him to think i am sayin something cuz of who he is....damn u hollywood hotties

this is my life...

2011-01-31T17:14:00.000-08:00

So for whatever reason weird stuff just has to happen to me and my friends...(if you read this blog you already know this)

a few weeks ago I got to be the lucky winner who got to do background on jason biggs new show...now as much as i enjoy sitting in a chair for four hours while he and his castmates talk about such educated things like putting there balls on someones pillow and taking a picture of it (thats the best practical joke ive ever heard of...way to go jason...ur so awesome no wonder all the girls swoon) i dont really want to overhear your stupid conversation when you should be filming ur show and knowing ur lines stop fing wasting my time i have better things to do than sit around while you and ur castmastes talk about stupid dumb ass shit when you should be going over your lines (and for the record i dont really care that they changed a few lines in the script...part of being a professional is knowing your lines...dumbass...if us lowly nobody actors are expected to go into an audition offbook regardless of wether we got the script 5 days or 5 minutes before than you should know your fing lines...there is no excuse and people like that make me sick) note: im not specifically talking about jason he actually knew his lines pretty well but his other "bro" costar kept fucking up and acting like a douche...he also made some pretty shitty comments to us lowly background along the lines of shut the f up...ok dude actually if you shut ur face for two secs you would realize u are the one doing all the talking and if you tell us to be quite one more time im gonna go tell you where you can shove it... ok keep in mind i literally was sitting at a table not allowed to speak for like 4 hours...um clearly this isnt gonna sit well with me but i was tryin ( i mean after all as bitchy as i want to be to these aholes i cant get myself thrown off set cuz i nd the crappy 50 dollars i am getting paid to sit there) so im trying to contain my rage when this bitch girl sitting across from me insists on playing with the prop food and trying to eat it and then dropping rotten chex mix in front of me....i literally had to hold in the vomit...at one point though after she tried to eat the rotten piece and put it in front of me it all got to much and i said something to the effects of "eww thats so gross" well surprise suprise just as i say that J. Biggs comes walking by and the mother fer shushs me....r u serious... u the king of eloquent conversations about balls on your pillow and you are sushing me...give me a break...he and his "bro" continued to clown around at which point he tripped over the chair that i was sitting in and fell into me...no worries im not important im really just a glorified 50 dollar prop...trip away... what i should have said in all reality was "jason if you want to talk to me you can just ask you don't have to throw yourself at me"....

in other weird news... me and my friend decided to go to an open call for modeling...first of all walking into a modeling place in la is basically like walking into a morgue...everyone looks like someone has just died no one smiles and the reception is silently judging at all times...judge away bitch cuz just like you are sizing me up im doing the same to you right back...so clearly i am an inapropriate person and me and the modeling world would never mix...why bcse i have a personality and the people in that world have nothing but blank stares (my favorite thing ever) also this particular receptionist had a particular nasty bug up her ass because she clearly saw me walk in for the open call saw that i wasnt the right height requirenment said nothing let me sit there for like 15 min before the sign up began and then when i went to sign up oh so sweetly let me know it was only for girls 5'7 and above...(stupid biatch...be afraid if i see you in the street bsce i may not be tall but i have a lot of rage and i will most definitly cut a dumb bitch...) anyway i digress...as i was sitting there waiting with my friend....this said friend starts texting me that the dude sitting next to him in the waiting room is someone that they have made out with...which i found to be hysterically funny and i proceed to bust out laughing so hard that i am now crying and about to wet my pants while the 7 ft giants (im sorry i mean models) openly judge me and roll there eyes...go ahead i dont care cuz im probably having more fun and bringing more personality to this stuffy lil room than it knows what to do with...so most people like myself would run away from the said dude they made out with...but not my pal...this person went right up to the dude and was like hey i know you at which point the kid goes "oh um yeah...you look diff in the light" and awesome....I can officially say had we not left on our own im pretty sure we would have been escorted out of there for disturbing the peace and snobbery....

oh and if that isnt enough wierdness i started a new job (waitressing/cocktailing...when she asked me if i had experience with drink i said yes...and by that i mean i have experience drinking them so technically it was a lie) and on the first day i managed to charge fuck up someones check and break a bunch of sugar holders. but my absolute favorite first day story is when the owner comes up to me and goes "um excuse me mam....are you even old enough to server alcholol" two reasons this is funny a) he called me mam when he thought i was like 17 and b) he clearly had no idea that i was a new staff member...this should def be an inneresting experience for sure :)

seriously...where is my muzzle

2011-01-17T18:35:00.000-08:00

so everyone knows i have a knack for inapropriatly speaking during background work and today was no exception. Here is some background on the inapropriate comment. Basically some douche tard who was supposed to have a line in the show i was doing background for today decided he had better things to do than show up for work (complete ahole...just fyi 1 line of dialogue on this show was worth a grand) so they just pulled a lucky mfer from background taft hartleyd him on the spot and gave hime the line (so kiddies there is hope...lucky sh*t like that can happen when you are contemplating your miserable life doing background thinking jumping out the window of the shitty holding might be a better option (oh wait thats just me)...not to me of course..but to others..) so basically me and this other girl started talking about bump ups (for those lucky enough not to be familiar with the background terms it means that they have to pay you more money when they ask you to do anything but sit or walk) aka making out with a stranger, shoving a banana in your mouth(u know who you are ;))or giving you a line...these are all things which they are required to pay you more for...it was at this point in our discussion my friend aliana said that she once got a bump for making out with someone to which my obvious reply was "screw it ill make out with someone girl, guy, a tree whatever if they pay me more" it was at this point i see the person standing directly behind aliana looking at me and giggling...i then realize that this person chuckling at me is jim belushi (thats right folks the star of the show...oh and did i mention he is also the brother of john belushi) great clearly i have embarrased myself inapropriately yet again but thats not all...he goes to do his scene...and clearly i am staring off into lala land (the special place in my head...not actually the landscape of la) and i feel someone staring at me...alaina then turns to me and goes "dude jim belushi is totally staring at you" clearly...and prob not in a good way...prob more in a i pity this pathetic girl way...she must really be hurtin for cash cuz she just admitted she wld make out with a tree... after his scene he then passes me while he is getting back into his beemer (a car he is way too old to drive by the way...fyi you dont look cool you just kind of look like a creepy chester the molester...yeah i went there) looks at me and starts singing to me...listen buddy this may impress some other fools but clearly i am not that chica...(clearly you prob think you have a chance cuz i just admitted i wld make out with a tree...but im not that girl...unless you give me a line and then maybe you'll get a shot...jk) also we all know i hate being stared at so either sh*t or get off the pot...meaning say something to me or stop fing staring at my stupid face...i already know i am accidentally inapropriate...

in other news i made out with a guy on sat night (so haha in your face mom) granted i think he was not straight but thats besides the point...he kept calling me beautiful and telling his entourage of boys that he thought i was so beautiful...clearly me being the bluntest person on the face of the earth responds with "what are you gay or straight i can't tell" (did i mention i was at a gay bar...and no i am not gay..i just hang out with a lot of gays...i mean guys..that i love and are the most fabulous people on earth so all you homophobes out there can shove it) at which point he grabs my face and shoves it down my throat and then goes "does that awnser your question" to which i say "um no" i then ran away bcz i was confused and a lil scared...and i win the awesome points for this weekend..clearly im a hot commodity ;)

You say i'm too much to handle..i say f you!!!

2011-01-12T21:13:00.000-08:00

So sat night me and the boys decided to go out for a night on the town which basically consisted of us walking around trying to find a bar finally finding one then stuffing our faces with food and partaking on the happy hour special (mega margaritas) normally im not a fan of margaritas but hey it was 18 oz and it was on special how can i fight fate like that...so me and ivan proceeded to down it(i know im classy dont be jealous) we then decided to go meet up some peeps at a west hollywood bar (let me be clear weho is known as the "gayborhood" for a reason )so chance of me meeting anyone is slim to none however on this magical night i found the one straight man in the bar who proceeded to overhear my usual liz rant and then some (i believe i told him...lets be honest screamed at him.. to not touch my purse then retracted the statement when i realized i am dead broke and there is nothing of value in purse and that my purse prob cost more than anything in it)...he then proceeded to tell me that i seemed like a lot to handle and that he felt sorry for anyone who ended up with me (at this point i was about to punch him in the face but luckily was held back by my boys) he then proceeded to flirt with me all night and at the end of the night came up to say he was leaving...to which i responded in my oh so charming way "ur gonna leave without getting my number" to which he replied "i'm married" to which my friend arthur who was standing there with another megamargarita responds "here take this you need this more than me" and hands me his big ass drink...awesome...(alchol will always ease the pain until you end up hitting your head and puking on yourself...none of which i did...at least not that night)i mean i didnt think it was possible to get rejected at a gay bar but just my luck i manage to find the one straight man in the joint and have him not only offend me and flirt with me but also reject me all with in the span of like an hour....great

In other news i got called in to meet an agent and while i was in the waiting room i see a seemingly normal woman in there waiting with her two boys...one was like 17 the other was like 10 and this woman seems to be reading a magazine...normal waiting room stuff...until she turns to her 10 year old and says "it says here that smoking weed lowers your sex drive and your sperm count" um excuse me wtf did you just say to your kid??? and why did you direct it at the younger of the two? is this some new age wack ass parenting technique that i and the rest of the world is not aware of...and how fucked up is your ten year old that you think he is going to smoke weed then find some girl to bang...and what are you more concerned about him getting high and banging a chick or the fact that if he smokes this said weed his sperm count will be to low to knock the chick up...normally i would be more offended but i am well aware that this is a fucked up world and i am sure somewhere out there there is a ten year old smoking weed and banging but thank god for the weed so it decreases the chance that he will impregnate his migit lady love...

and on the track of weird things i got called for an interview for a hair salon and when i get there i find out a famous stylist works there and tons of celebs go in there. im like ok awesome...so they proceed to take me to the back station and tell me to have a seat...so i sit in a seemingly normal looking chair and then am informed that that is the "hot seat" its the place where all the celebs sit when they get their hair done...so pretty much i am sitting in the place where heidi klum sits..basically i am rubbing asses with heidi klum...my ass has never felt so good...maybe if i contined to sit there some of that luck would rub off on me :)...so boys take note next time you check out my rear keep in mind my rear basically has hob nobbed with famous people...so basically my ass is famous...be jealous...

pass it on...

2011-01-11T16:31:00.000-08:00

Nothing snarky today (but dont worry that will be back tomorrow boy do i have a duzi of a weekend to rant about...) the reason being is a very dear friend of mine lost her brother unexpedetly this morning and instead of getting bitter and angry she sent us a very heartfelt message...I encourage all of you to read and do the following...life is precious and we should never let a moment go by without telling the ones we love how we feel...

"I want each of you to do me a favor and tell your siblings and your parents how much you love and appreciate them. I don't care if you are mad about something, or if you mean it at that very moment, I don't care if you e-mail or text it, or write it in a card... please just tell them. Today. Immediately...tell your parents how much you appreciate them, even if you don't think you do, because we're getting older, and so are they, and no one is promised tomorrow. So tell them while you can, there's no guilt heavier than the guilt of regret."

May God be with her and her family in there struggle...remember he may call upon us to face hardships but he promises if we trust him that we don't have to face the darkness alone... RIP DPM

tryin' to make it work but man these times are hard...

2011-01-08T11:46:00.000-08:00

So Trying to find a new roomate is like auditioning except this time i am the one in charge and get to say yay or nay to a candidate...(im not gonna lie i kind of like having the power and control in at least one aspect of my life...power can be a trippy thing...maybe thats why so many cds in this business are douchetards) or at least i thought... Dan has this guy come over who works for one of the biggest agencies in la( i'll give you a hint its not CAA and its not UTA..im sure you can all use your deductive reasoning poweres and figure out wich one im talking about)now dude doesnt say what he does (lets be honest his job is prob wiping some big wigs ass who works there...and i'm not talking metarphorically either) but apparantly this entitles him to be the biggest douche head in the entire world (if anybody watches a show called parks and recreation there was recently a character on there they called "the douche" i know this do to background not cuz i actually watch the show and this guy reminded me of him) he comes in and the first thing he says is "wow i was a little skeptical to come up this building looks a little sketchy" ok dude the way to win a prize to my heart is not to automatically insult where i live and furthermore my building does not look sketchy its fucking like 50 years old...sorry we all cant live in beverly hills with a pool...automatically i think this guy is an asshole...and i dont care where he works he was not the type that would help an old lady across the street so there would be no way he would use his connection to help me...im sorry but there is no way i am going to sacrifice my sanity if i am not getting anything out of it...i could live with an ahole if i knew there was a lil something in it for me...but to live with a jerk and not get somethin from it hell no. So i tell dan this dude is an automatic "Fuck No" not a chance and if i had to live with him i may possibly get thrown in jail for beating his douchiness out of him ( i may be lil but i am not afraid to throw down...see previous post) so after he left im feeling pretty good for finally being able to reject someone rather than the other way around of being a rejectee(i know its a messed up thought but sometimes it just feels good to put an ahole in there place) except this dude obviously thinks he still has a fighting chance and emails dan the next day saying something like "i have to be honest that apt is not my first choice but if i cant find anything else i guess it will be fine..." what are you freakin serious hell no buddy... I get to make the descicions in this one i already put you on the rejection list...I'm not your first choice well how nice cuz you are def not my first choice either asshole you wouldnt even be my choice if you were the last person on earth and i would die if i didnt choose you...i would rather choose death than an asshole like you (does that spell out how much of a douche i thought he was i would rather die than live with him) and now you are tryin to turn this one around on me...i dont think so buddy...im sorry noone in your life has ever told you the word "NO" but congratulations let me be the first to stamp that rejection stamp on your head

Speaking of auditions and being rejected I had my first real audition for something the other day..now mind you i have been on thousands of auditions before but they have all been for indies or student projects or just general things that are for the "experience" and not the pay check. This however was for something that was posted in the breakdowns and paid (it was some untitled made for tv movie paying and shooting in russia) by the grace of God(seriously bcse out of all the agent submissions and self submissions somehow i got invited to aud and that was a miracle in and of itself) I got called in for this aud. I'm not gonna lie it felt pretty damn good to actually walk onto a real studio lot and go in for an aud and be the only one to get called in without an agent...(yes i am bragging here a lil bcse anyone in this business knows how pretty damn hard that is to do) so i get there and all these girls has like 10+ years on me...i mean they could have been my age but i def looked like i was the youngest by far...but whatever these bitches were so not gonna rain on my parade...so i go in and without fail without fail i am always the girl who goes in right after the girl that they want to hire (i know this because the room wasnt exactly sound proof and I could here everything being said while i was in the waiting room...you know leading questions like when will you be available have you ever shot for a month straight...blah blah blah...shit u say when u actually want to find out about the person rather just the standard akward stare and thank you...what is what i normally get) so screw it i go in and dude takes my headshot stares at is kind of confused and then looks at me (sort of like this girl looks like she is 12 wtf is she doing here...hey buddy you were the one who called me in) and of course i am just akwardly standing and smiling my nicest(fakest) smile possible and then i spot a chair. i was told that in an audition you can do whatever you need to make yourself comfortable so fuck it i asked to use the chair by his response you would have thought i asked to shoot his grandmother and then eat her brains or something...he just stared at me...and me being me repeated it "is it ok if i use the chair" and he was like yeah i guess...dude chill out its a fucking chair and your the director so if you have that big a problem with it grow some balls and tell me no...i mean how are you going to work with people on a set if you can't assert yourself in an aud...and frankly im surprised noone else asked to use it...(he eliminated that possibility because he promptly had it removed from the room after i was done) all in all i could tell from the moment i walked in i was so not what he wanted but f it...I did what i had to do and walked out of there feeling proud with my head held high excited that i even got that audition...fingers crossed hopefully it will be one of many more to come.

And on the job front...i went on 3 job interviews yesterday...the last of which was super awesome and by that i mean not at all. Basically I get there and informed that i have to wait cuz dude who is interviewing me has to sign some contracts and to take a seat and he will be with me in a few. Normally this would be fine i can deal with waiting however on this particular night at this particular bar it was karaoke night...so while i was waiting i was blessed to get to hear the musical stylings of one of the waitresses (yes i am being sarcastic) who apparantly thought she could sing and was the next barbara streisand or something (i would say somebody more pop like britney spears but this bitch insisted on singing songs from greece- the musical not the country- oh and a whole new world from aladdin..bitch you must be in another world cuz you think you can sing )which led me to believe in a former life she was the 'star lead talent' in her highschool musicals...clearly the people at this said highschool were deaf because everytime she opened her mouth she sounded like she was torturing a cat or small animal...(by the end of her musical talents i wanted to strangle that cat and put it and myself out of its misery) so finally the interview dude comes back and takes me into this shady back room looks at my resume for two seconds...akwardly stares at me...we all know how i love the akward stare.. then says well i met two other people before you that look like good candidates..aka i am prob gonna hire them and not you cuz they had there boobs hanging out and you dont (yeah it was a classy joint) ...but ill keep your resume on file...at this point i was like ok great...but in my head i was thinking don't do me any favors buddy and you can take your akward staredown and shove it up your ass...but im a classy broad so i didnt say it...at least i didnt say it to his face...

My friend ivan asked me last night what type of person i thought i would be if things in my life worked out...thanks ivan for pointing out how my life is in the shitter :) ...the awnser to that is i dont know but id sure like to find out sooner rather than later...

let's talk some sh*t about Xmas...

2011-01-03T10:51:00.000-08:00

Ok so this was the first time in about 5 years that i have been home for more than a few days for xmas...surprisingly everything was pretty mellow and no major catastrophes were encountered..well for the most part... unless you count my mother turning to me out of the blue and asking me if i was on birth control and if that was the reason "i gained all this weight" to which my response was "actually no mom im just fat..." in my defense i only gained a few pounds like 5 (i blame this on my best freind out here who constantly makes me go to breakfast and dinner with him...not that i object...ok lets be honest 50% of the time i am the one calling him to eat ...ok ok 75%...but clearly i dont have to sit there stuffing my face with the most unhealthy thing on the menu...cas and point there is this place in la called the griddle and everytime i go i get french toast smothered in nutella...be jealous chrissy)
so after that little fat comment i could barely eat in front of my mom for fear she would judge me (however on xmas i chowed down like i was never gonna see food again but ill get to that in a sec) so after that lil comment and me being scard to eat around my mom my sis and i decided to go out for food in the mist of xmas shopping...we had sushi how healthy but probs not the best decision for food when you will be going out and probably drinking heavily that night...my sister and her friends take me to this club that they go to a lot..now normal 27 year olds would learn to act their age and not be a judgemental bitch to every girl but not this classly lady right here especially after a few cocktails (apparantly at one point i was sitting with my sisters best freind talking to some guy from miami who is giving my sis bf this vodka drink that she clearly doesnt want so what do i do being the good protective person that i am...i chug it...awesome i then proceed to buy my other sis friend a shot and the poor thing was like i cant drink tequila and in my sober self yells at her to stop being a pussy and drink it..clearly i reverted back to my college sorority days( and just to clarify nobody hazed me it was more like the other way around and me and chrissy would haze our bigs..like i said i am one classy biatch)....long story short we end up at a falafall place where some girl compliments my sister on her tights and i just assume this is an insult ( hey i live in cali where girls are nice to your face but r just really being huge ass bitches)so i make a comment like " i fing hate b*tches" to which my sis is like maybe she didnt hear here (my sis and i have the same brain) and at the same time i am thinking maybe she didnt hear me so i repeat again "i fing hate b*tches" well if she didnt hear me the first time around she def heard me the sec at which point my sis tries to diffuse the situation by apologizing for my drunken antics..well this girl is not having it and she sics her droided up bf on me who proceeds to call me "c***t" let me just say my passive peaceful lil sister was just trying to enjoy her falafall and when she heard this guy saying this i have never seen her move faster in my life...she gets up from the table and screams thats my sister and goes over to try to punch him as her friend is holding her back and her other friend is giving him a proverbial lashing about the size of his non existant balls and i am clearly just yelling gibberish...it finally got broken up and we provided several minutes of entertainment for the falafal guys as they told us later...awesome glad i could make someone's night... moral of the story dont eat sushi then go out and chug vodka and start a rumble...maybe i really should have gotten muzzle for xmas...

on that note my mom tells me that my sister in law will be making the bulk of our xmas dinner at which point i freak out because i have never had her cooking and i automatically think anybodys cooking except my two aunts (shout out to aunt maria and aunt mary...) suck... so in my head i think rosa's version of cooking is something very hick like killing a squirrel outback and serving it with a side of roadkill...i mean she was raised on a military base they military guys basically eat mush and dont complain so squirrell would be an upgrade...however i was just being my judgemental bitchy self as usual cuz this girl can actually cook...her food was amazing and her turkey was so good it literally just fell off the bone...and she made cakes that were to die for..so all in all score 1 for rosa and a big fat 0 for snarky liz...

and the last thing im gonna say has to do with an 8 year old in first class..wtf i cant even afford plane crackers and this girl is all snug and cozy in first class getting stk??? oh did i mention she was by herself...when i was younger and flew by myself all i got was a stupid pin with a cartoon airplane that said i was a loner...how true that statement is...and also escalotor etiqutte is as follows when someone is carrying a large bag you do not tie your shoe and hold out your arms outstretched on the goddam thing and not let them pass by...i dont care if you dont speaka englisa its rude and you may not be american but there is no excuse for stupid....

on that note happy holidays and a happy new year 2011 heres hoping all our dreams come true!!!

Seriously???

2010-12-07T20:39:00.001-08:00

So yesterday was my day started off f**ked by having to wake up at 5 am and be on set for background (and when i say set i basically mean waiting outside in the cold for an hour to be shuttled to a holding area that was also in the cold in 50 degree weather) clearly i am not happy about this and it already puts me in a bad mood. So after about two hours of standing in the freezing cold we are carted like cattle or holocaust victims into this "set" which is a really gross smelly old bar in hollywood where they are filming. So i am pissed and cold and clearly not in the mood to chat and this girl sits down next to me and apparantly decides to tell me her life story (let me pause at this point to tell you that i think i have some sort of signal like the bat signal or something that radiates off me for all the weirdos to come and find me) so basically this girl is wearing this dress and proceeds to tell me how pregnant she thinks she looks in it...i thought she meant she just looked fat..so i was being nice and was like no you look fine (like i said it was like 8 am i wasnt in the mood to be overly friendly) she then proceeds to tell me that she is actually pregnant...to which i akwardly go "um...congratulations" and she was like "yeah well i have to get an abortion my bf ran off and left me and im not from this country...can you beleive that shit" to which i reply in all honesty "no i can't" i mean seriously of all things u choose to tell a stranger you blurt out ur pregnant in need of an abortion with a fuckup boyfriend...awesome...(ok ill admit my catholic guilt started to sink in) so then i say "um maybe u could just give it up for adoption" lame i know...to which she replies "that would ruin my career could you imagine" holy hell my head is now spinning and i just want this freak show to get away from me i dont need anymore bad energy anywhere near the vicinity of me..

so as you can imagine it all goes down hill from there... i proceed to get yelled at twice...once by the costume guy who needed to take a pic of what i was wearing (remember it was like 50 degrees so i was wearing my jacket over my outfit cuz i was freezing) he goes can u take off your jacket and i said ok to which he then looks at me and goes in a snotty voice is that a problem...(no jackass i just said i would take it off...back off before i beat your queenie little ass down...) and then he goes "i dont have time for this" actually ahole im pretty sure you do that is your job so you do in fact have time what else do you have to do besides take pics of crappy extras clothes and sit on your ass...awnser nothing you have nothing else to do so dont be taking ur shitty attitude on me bcse u hate your job cuz i guarentee you i hate mine just as much and i can out bitch you any day so if you want to go i can go....

after that came the verbal assualt by a p.a who had to take me aside and tell me that i was talking to much with the other extras in my group i was standing in and everytime she told me to be quiet i rolled my eyes...a) i was not the only one talking b) she didnot ever tell me specifically to be quiet c)if you were that concerned about the talking you would have talked to everyone in my group talking and not just singled me out... and also in my defense i can't control my face...seriously i have no idea if i am rolling my eyes at you or not...so that may very well have been true but its really not a conscious thing...(i just cant keep the bitchiness inside i guess and it has to come out somewhere..) so after she thinks she has given me a verbal lashing i just look at her and say ok...and she proceeds to yell at me to stop talking and i just keep repeating ok..which i think pissed her off more...but honestly lady what do you expect from me...i am a grown womean i heard what you said and i understand you dont have to talk to me like i am a kindergardner to make yourself feel more important you asked me to do something and i acknowledged you so leave me the f alone or i will hurt you...did i mention i hate background but no one else will hire me so for now im stuck getting herded like cattle and treated like crap...

also in a random side note i have been submitting myself to agents and managers for representation and true story the only agency that emailed me back for a meeting is called RAGE talent...i swear i could not make that shit up if i tried...but very apropro to my life right now....

Epic fail...

2010-11-29T18:26:00.000-08:00

This was probably the most akward/worst thanksgiving i have ever experienced first my aunts sister in law verbally assualted my mother and then i got the stomach flu. Epic Fail. Basically I walk into my aunts house and am akwardly stared at by her in laws. So i decide to be the bigger person and go over and introduce myself to which they reply your mary kate right. now lady i know its been a while but you just saw my sister in june you know who she is and that clearly i am not her so unless you are blind or braindead (which apparantly this lady was)you know that i am not her. We akwardly sit down to dinner(we are italian there are several courses) and pretty much no one is speaking except this t**tbag lady to verbally assualt my mom. Now we all know that my mom and i have are differences but noone insults my mom but me (jk...lol...luv u lots mommers) everything out of her mouth was an ignorant idiotic comment directed at my mom. Had that lady continued she was going to be wearing the wine that she "discovered" at disneyworld...but by far my most favorite comment was when we were all eating turkey and she goes "i like my turkey freshly killed" at which point i promptly spit out the turkey in my mouth and turned to my sister and asked "who are we eating with the mansons" all i have to say is freakshow...

so after that heinous debauchery of a dinner i started feeling a little sick...surprise surprise just my luck i get the stomach flu...awesome... and in between me cursing my life and running to the bathroom to puke my mom has decided to watch a cooking program on how to encase and cook your own sausage...bleh that alone is enough to make anyone want to puke...the woman doesnt even cook yet she found this the appropriate time to want to learn to make the perfect sausage.Thanks mom.

and then the final topper on my oh so magnificent weekend was when i step off the plane after a 6 hour trip and see some model girl in a full face of makeup..she probably thought i was staring at her like i wanted to rip her face off but there was a very good reason for that...i was staring at her like i wanted to rip her face off..i mean come on...lets be honest normal people dont look like that...who puts on a full face of makeup while traveling cant you just be a normal person and look like shit like the rest of us...she's lucky i hadnt eaten for three days because if i had had more strenght i would have hit her up...well not really...ok in all honesty i would have done nothing but akwardly stare...but really you would have wanted to hit her too...

yet another reason i need to find a real job

2010-11-23T23:08:00.000-08:00

as if i need another reason to not do backgound...but lucky me i was on the set of curb your enthusiasm ( i didnt even know that show was still airing) and it just happened to be the coldest day thus far in cali and i just happened to be filming outside on a windy golf course...im not exactly sure what look (or season) for that matter the wardrobe people were trying to go for because they had everyone in long sleeves and pants except yours truly who they made wear shorts and a tank top...wtf..was i supposed to be the slutty girl on the golf course or something??? so clearly i went from mildly annoyed to freakin pissed when i was forced to be outside for like 3 hours in practically nothing (they wouldnt let me wear my jacket) and everyone else was in normal clothes...so of course me and my big mouth are flipping out...so as i was ranting about flailing my arms and legs about to keep from freezing to death...the girl im talking to starts staring at something behind me...it just happens to be larry david (you know the writer and executive producer and actor in the show...oh and he also wrote another little show you may have heard of as well called seinfeld...) yeah so he is standing directly behind me watching me flail about...and then he turns to me (as he is wrapped like a sausage nice and toasty warm in his winter coat that wadrobe had so lovingly provided for him) and goes..um what are you wearing? arent you freezing? who put u in that? to which my snarky response was yes im freezing it...it was wadrobe...can you fire her? yeah thats right me and my word vomit again..i actually asked larry david to fire the wadrobe lady for putting me in shorts in 40 degree weather... i know backround is supposed to be seen and not heard and apparantly i am fail at this every single time...

on a side note...happy thanksgiving...lets all reflect on this time and be thankful for what we do have rather than what we dont (i especially need to do this)...i was at the grocery store the other day and i had forgotten my ralph's card which is how you get all the special sales this particular grocery store offers...the guy behind me in line was like you can use mine and swiped his card for me...he saved me like 30 bucks...and then i thought wouldnt it be such an amazing world if we all stopped and just did something kind for one another...and then i realized it could be becuase it all starts with me and you...one small act of kindness could really impact someone else and in turn they may remember that and pay it forward...it doesnt just have to be a dream it can be a reality and it starts with each one of us...thank you to all who have been kind to me along the way.

randomness or maybe not so much

2010-11-21T17:34:00.000-08:00

so im just gonna say it...i have a tendency to cry at really inapropriate times mostly when i am sitting in church thinking about what the f i am doing with my life...being an actor as most actors know it is really easy to get upset and down when you don't see any light at the end of the tunnel...all these thoughts go rushing through your head of maybe other things you should be doing and if it will ever get any better...the hope is that yes it will and in order to appreciate the good things we must go through the bad things first... (i do have a point to this bare with me) and this whole time the priest keeps talking about trust and that the lord will bring you through and i tend to find myself wanting to believe this but getting bogged down in the reality of my life right now... so anyways i am having a bad day and just want to get under my covers and sleep the day away when i get an email and the subject was just actress? and im thinking okay this is probably another wierd spam email and if i email them back its probably gonna be for like some wierd porn or something like that..so i was talking to my friend jesse and he was like look up the person who sent you the email...so i was like genius!!!! so i did and randomly i came across this person with the same name (not sure if this was the person who emailed me or not) but on their profile was a quote that i think was quite apropo to my life right now and it said "if god led you to it he can get you through it..." and then i kept thinking yeah it might be hard right now but ultimitaley i have to keep believing that god has a plan for my life and if i keep trusting him he will lead me to where i need to be.

Backgroun background and more background...

2010-11-19T19:06:00.000-08:00

Yesterday i had to do backround work for a game show. Basically you are paid to be an audience member...its not to incredibly difficult you basically just have to shut your mouth and clap and yell when they tell you to...but because its me and i tend to be miss chatty cathy overhear it can be kind of a challenge...especially when the girl sitting next to me just happens to be as loud and awesome as me...apparantly this combo was not conducive to being a good audience member because on several occasions we had to be "talked" to by the handlers because the producers could see us talking...we then had to be moved several times because of this said chatter and overall "inaproriate behavior not conducive to being a good audience member" they then placed us all the way on the top in the back with the reject people they didnt want on camera...im not being mean im just stating what happened...the back line was reserved for all particular types of fuckups and us...i felt like i was back in middle school when you get detention for the first time over something stupid (mine was i didnt get a permission slip signed so i could go take a tour of some aids convent...im serious i went to a catholic school..but that is a diff story...)and end up with all the reject kids who were there for smoking pot or something...in all honesty the back row i was sitting in felt like everyone was on drugs except us...so yeah that was the last ditch effort to keep us there otherwise we were gonna get the boot...

yesterday i got a call that i was supposed to do background today on a show and the call was supposed to be at 2pm..so i decide to go out last night with some friends and end up spending the night at a freinds house thinking i have all sorts of time in the morning...well i get a phone call at 10 am and clearly i ignore it and go back to sleep...i wake up again at 11 to a voicemail saying my call time actually got moved up to 12....now remember i am not at home...i promptly sit up scream and yell for my friend to drive me home...i figure i have exactly 1o min to get home shower throw on some semblance of clothes and get the f to set...so i run home...literally and jump in the shower and head out...clearly i had no time to do my makeup so i am akwardly trying to put some of it on while driving so i dont look like complete wasted trash showing up on set...i get there with like a min to spare and am promptly asked to wait outside..lucky me it was freezing and overcast today and the place they had us wait was by the dumpsters...ok so the "part" was for french tourists who are supposed to look like models...aka hot and slutty...i couldnt look further from this...i look like a hot whore mess and these other chicas are your typical la girls dressed to the 9s like they are going out to club on a friday night...so of course i cant help staring at them and then realize...A) they are everything wrong with la and the world and b)wow makeup really does change a person..i mean these girls were a monet...cute from a far but not so hot up close..however they were gifted with the ability to have nice hair and put on makeup cuz otherwise the end result wouldnt be so great...so they finally take us to set and the hair lady was coming up to help all of us..as she comes up to me i burst out with "yeah please help me im a mess" i mean who actually says that...apparantly i do...and then she kept repeating it and laughing like a kid with tourets to everyone in the room.."she thinks she's a mess...she think she's a mess..." to which i quip back...yeah im an aries ( i think that is going to be my tagline from now on...hi im liz im a general fup but thats only becuases im an aries) at this point you and my experience from last week you would think i would have learned to shut my mouth on set...but clearly not cuz somehow me and some other girl starting talking about ryan lochte and the word vomits starts flying again and i was like i love him i would totally do him..well one of the pas overhears and his ears perk up like little dogs and he comes over to me laughing and was like who were you talking about...so i was like oh ryan lochte the swimmer why do you know him...(laughing on the outside but inside seriously thinking...no really do you know him)...and not only did he hear me but i realize the guy holding the boom mike is standing right next to me so pretty much everyone on the set and the crew heard me...awesome (a boom mike is a mike that can pick up every little sound..and is something liz should stay away from since she is loud with a big mouth...)can someone please just muzzle me...thanks

and yet again liz has stuck her foot in her mouth....

2010-11-12T21:36:00.001-08:00

becausse i have a big one (mouth that is) and can't seem to shut the f up. plus i have a knack for saying inapropriate things at inapropriate times and clearly having inapropriate people overhear them. As you all know i tend to rant and have no filter as to what comes out of my mouth. so the other day i was on some set doing extra work and while we were waiting for them to call background action and us give riveting perfomances(lol) i struck up a convo with an adorable latin guy...somehow the topic of west hollywood and the gayborhood came up ( if you dont know west hollywood is like the chelsea of nyc...its basically where all the gays go to mingle and i love i :)) ) so anyway we start talking about weho and the gays he tells me a story about how he was at the gym and some guy was checking him out while he was in the shower...and i start talking about how when i go out its safe to say noone wants my flavor of meatballs so to speak...but thats ok because i love going out to the gay bars with my friends and helping them pick up guys... i believe my exact words were "i love all the boys in west hollywood they are so pretty even though they arent into me...but who cares gay straight ill still make out with you" (and its true i will...im like the makeout bandit) well at this exact moment some guy from the crew walks by and hears me say gay or straight ill still make out with you..at which point he turns does a double take gives me an akward chuckle and smile and then walks away...i laugh at my awesomeness thinking i made one of the poor loleys crews shitaeous nights more enjoyable...haha the joke is on me cuz like 5 mins later the guy in charge of the extras comes up to us and introduces us to this said "crew " guy... it went a lil something like this "hey guys have you met the writer and producer of this episode" i almost died..D.I.E.D!!!!! of course the guy that would over hear my snark would be like the most important person on set...awesome...things i should learn from this experience...1)not to talk about making out with the gays and 2) shut the f up!!!! always shut the f up!!! it is true you never know who is listening...and then to make matters even better as we wrapped and i was leaving set he comes up to me and goes "good luck in west hollywood" awesome now this guy knows where i live and that i am so desperate for a makeout session ill even seek out the gays.... P.s mariel.. this said writer/producer looked like rob from brightlines doppleganger...lol

I just had the most akward interview ever...

2010-11-11T11:46:00.000-08:00

Yes I am still looking for a job...So last night I get a call to come in for a hosting position...i think the place sounds familiar and i have a sneaking suspicion that i have already interviewed there but i keep thinking maybe it just sounds familiar and even if i have interviewed there it will probably be with a different dude... i mean who is that dumb to call someone in again that they have already interviewed and clearly didnt like enough to call back ( and no this was def not a second interview) so i pull up to the place and it indeed is the exact same place that i had interviewed at like a month before... so im thinking this is freaking akward i have already been here but ok i'll go with it its prob a dude interviewing me or something...surprise surprise it was the exact same laday who clearly either had no recollection of me at all or pretended to have no recollection of me at all because she comes up to me and is like are you elizabeth? i was like uh yeah...all the time in my head thinking this is going to be the most akward interchange ever becasaue she must remember me and then thinking she is going to say something and then i akwardly would have to say something back...so the whole time i am waiting i am scrolling through the rolladex in my head of bullshit excuses i could use as to whre i have "seen" her before without making myself look like a gigantic ahole and admiting that yes infact i have interviewed there before and u thought i sucked. So anyway i am like the 3rd person waiting and i hear the other 2 interviewees in front of me..this chickadee is taking her time with them laughing joking asking them when they could possibly come in for a second interview...great...so she basically wants to hire these chicas in front of me and now i have to go through with this bs interview when all i really want to do i run out of the place screaming like my hair was on fire...so i compose myself and it is finally my turn...this lady could not have been more disinterested...she basically asked me no questions and akwardly stared at me(ok lady you want to akwardly stare im gonna stare right back cuz one thing i have gotten really good at these past few months is the akward stare...we can make this a staring competition im game) so she either realized oh shit i saw this girl before and she wasnt right how the hell did this happen whoever set up this interview is going to get fired..or she was an idiot and truly had no idea that she had interviewd me before. I am gonna go with the first option because i dont care how vapid you are...people tend to remember people they have interviewed...so she basically keeps staring back and forth from me to my resume trying to think of "interview" questions and then getting up every other minute to talk to the guy stocking napkins and washing windows (i'm serious) its probably a safe bet to say i am not getting that job and she now has a pic of me hanging in her office with a postit to never call again...

i am one of the luckiest girls in the world..

2010-11-04T16:41:00.000-07:00

When I moved out to los angeles I had no idea where my life would take me ( to be honest i still have no idea) or the people that i would meet along the way. I hoped and prayed that I would run into good people on my journey but i had no idea the amazing people that would come into my life. Trying to do pursue this is extremely hard and makes u at times want to pull out your hair or jump off a bridge... but having a good support system makes it a little bit easier. One of those people is my friend jesse. He is one of the most amazing supportive wonderful positive people i have ever met. Whenever I am having a bad day i know i can call him and he will always have some positive words to say. He is constantly pumping all of his friends up and encouraging us to go on and keep for ging ahead even when we think we can't...he is the type of friend that makes u believe in the impossible even when you dont believe it yourself. He is sweet and sensitive and always has a kind positive word for everyone.Not to mention a very talented actor...He is the type of person that makes you want to be a better person. I feel lucky to have such and awesome person in my life who keeps me going when i just want to crawl into a hole...I truly feel blessed to know him and all my friends out here and back east...all of them have made me who I am and as hard as it gets i need to take a step back and realize sometimes it is more about the journey than the destination...so thank you all for being a part of this crazy journey with me

i did a shot with zack morriss..sort of...

2010-10-30T16:36:00.000-07:00

So because I cant find a job i decided that i would start to do extra work to get a lil money...good idea in theory...and for the most part it is a pretty easy job however because nothing in my life is normal i have been having some pretty interesting experiences...

last week i was doing "audience"work for a men's talk show. the show itself was fine..they had a band that we had to listen to and jam out to....it was a total emo garage screaming rage band which is fine except for the fact that it was so loud i was going deaf and my ears were starting to bleed...so in the middle of the rage music i turn to the girl next to me and say "when is this f**ing sh*t over" well just my luck right when i say that the band takes a pause in the song..so basically it is dead silent and all u hear is me saying "f**ing sh*t" awesome...

i was working background on another show and this girl looks really familar..so i go the whole day without saying anything and then i am the asshole who finally goes up to her and says hey have we worked together before u look so familiar adn she was like no do u watch reality tv..great not only do i think i know this girl but now i have to admit that i watch relaity tv awesome and not only reality tv but she was on rock of love bus...probably the trashiest show on tv and yes i watched it...she was super cool though and then when we went on set (me rock of love chick and some other girl) had to do shots with the 2 principles (fake shots...watered down applejuice...awesome) they just happened to be brecken meyer and mark paul gossaler...aka zack morris...i got to do a fake shot with zack morriss...so anyway brecken (yeah we are on a first name basis...jk) turns to rock o love girl and asks the exact same asshole question i had just done...he was like where do i know u from..and she was like rock o love and he was like i love that show...so in a weird way she became the celebrity to him...

im sure ill be doing this through xmas and have some more crazy stories...only me...

i seriously have gone off my rocker...

2010-10-19T14:27:00.000-07:00

and this is why. I went on a job interview today for a serving job and when they asked me for my qualifications i said "i'm adorable and people seem to like me do with that what you will" (note here i said seem cuz i have no actual idea if people like me or not or rather i just amuse them with my snarky wit and overall bitchy vibe..)yes i am seriousl i actually said that. and to add to my awesomeness when asked if i would get up at 6 am to open the restaruant for a rugby game my response was "are you joking me" (and not in a that would be totally awesome type way but in an actual mouth dropped eyes bulging out of my head i thought they were screwing with me type way to find out my reaction...first of all buddy i have no time or patience for your stupid manager on a power trip mind games...) turns out he was serious. dead serious. great. to which my response was "eh why the heck not". Yeah i'm a peach who wouldnt want to hire me. oh but the kicker was when they all but insuated if i was ok with being harrassed by old crotchy rugby men ... to which my response was "buddy i'm from ny ive seen it all nothing scares me...i can handle old men"(i like to pretend im ghetto) plus as i pointed out to dan old guys love to talk to the seemingly dumb waitress about sports that said waitress probably has no interest in but will amuse old due anyway for a tip. Bring it on i say please let me get a job where i am probably gonna get harrased on a daily basis really its no diff from any other job and at least they are honest and upfront about it unlike ahem..(in light of being a bigger person i won't bring up old jobs)...on the other hand it is a job where i can prob make some stellar tips if i act the part...isnt life just grand.

an open letter to God from Elizabeth A. Izzo

2010-10-18T12:20:00.000-07:00

Dear God,
Im just gonna go ahead and say it...i have no idea what you want of me... I am a pretty confused soul and extremely lost. I know you are directing this boat so i'm asking you to steer me out of these rough waters into calmer seas...please. I believe there is a higher purpose out there and if you could just let me see one shred of hope through the darkness that would be great. I know you are there even though i dont always see it and i got to tell you It's easy to want to get mad at you for seemingly taking 'good' things in my life away but then i have to remember you are the parent and i am the child and you would never want harm to come to me so i have to trust that you are removing those things from my life because they would not have been good for me and you are just clearing space in my life for better things to come...i got to say though pal, even though i intellectually know all of this its still really hard to live through the darkness everyday...but im gonna trust you that you have my back even when i dont see it or understand it...please provide me with hope for better days yet to come...if for nothing else let me be a witness to other people that out of this seemingly disatsrous tornado that has become my life you are ordering the chaos and that you will bring blessings that i cannot imagine...so i guess out of my darkness let me have the strenght to still believe that light is at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes you ask of me things that i don't understand and i guess i dont have to since you are the almighty but remember that i am only human and i am trying my best to make sense of things so if you could help me out a lil i would really appreciate that right about now.

B.A.G sighting

2010-10-14T00:06:00.000-07:00

for any of you out there who doesnt know what that stands for those are actually the initials of brian austin green (i know im so smart i figured out they spelled bag...dont be jealous of my amazing intellect)

so anyway tonight i decide to go out with my friend roxy in her neck of the woods (los feliz) we decide we are going to go to a little hole in the wall cheap sushi place...seems normal enough...well hold onto your hats there cuz u r ridin with me where all things weird and abnormal happen. so let me set the scene...there is a tiny crammed inside and a tiny crammed outside...its not that cold out and there are significantly less people outside than inside so roxy and i decide to sit outside. now the table we are seated at is pressed up against a huge window that looks into the restaraunt (this information will be necessary later) so roxy and i squish into this table. i sit down and then roxy sits down but she has this shocked/really weird look on her face and i immediatly think that there is this weird kid in our show (fyi roxy is in the weird robot goat show with me ...she plays a nurse who tries to bring greedy money boy back to life) who literally we saw out one night and has been showing up in our life ever since...did i mention i was not a fan...so i think she is going to say this said kid is here and as i go to run under the table and duck for cover she casually says "dont look now but brian austin green and megan fox are is sitting behind you" ...ok follow me on this they were sitting behind me through the window..ok no big deal i wasnt gonna look i was gonna play it cool....well apparantly since my life is fucked the universe had other plans in store to mock me with...so an obnoxious 4 topper comes in and decides to sit at the table near us outside...the waiter then comes over to me and asks me to move my chair so that i will be staring directly in the window an d dah dah u guessed it directly at megan and b.a.g and his adorable little munchkin (he has like a 6 yr old or something). so i know most people would think this is super cool but i just find it hell of akward because i am trying my damndest not to stare or look in their general direction because i dont wyant them to think that i am a pyscho stalker or anything and there is no way for me to explain that the waiter made me move...so i proceed to try to carry on a normal convo as best i can with roxy and eat my sushi...however if you know me you know i am not so skilled with the chopsticks and i proceed to kept dropping my sushi and then picking it up with my hands and dipping it in the soy sauce and then attemting to eat it but a few pieces kept missing my mouth... and this whole time all i kept thinking is wow brian austin green probably thinks this weird girl sitting out front of the window is a) either a complete fuckup or b) isnt it nice that the 'special' kids get a night out (the special kid meaning me who had soy sauce dripping all over...be scared megan be scared...i bring a whole new level of sexiness...) and if that wasnt akward enough during the middle of our meal another 4 top sitting inside who can see us out the window start waving and making weird faces at me and roxy...first of all are we in the 4th grade again...second of all shouldnt they be oogling the famous people sitting next to them...i mean hello lets get our priorities straight people....

yeah it was just weird but also what is more wierd is i do have a legitimate connection to b.a.g...he has a new movie coming out called cross that the producer of my film produced...so in essence if i wanted to go up to him i could have had a totally legitmate convo starter because we know a mutual person...but megan looked like she would have stabbed me with a chopstick and then eaten my brains so i refrained....i just love la :)

i think i have just discovered the greatest dating tool ever...

2010-10-11T22:49:00.000-07:00

ok well in all honesty i didnt actually discover it and it has been around for several centuries but by darn it i figureyd out how to use it so im gonna go ahead and take credit for it...(well actually my friend olivia really should take credit for it cause she was the one who alerted me to it) what is it you inquisitvly ask???? ok so here is the magic that i discovered last night... while out drinking after my wierd goat robot show (clearly we need a few drinks after that show) my friend olivia turns to me and was like can i do your chart (astrology that is) i was like sure...she was like i bet its really interesting (probably because i am a pretty big freak show...but i try to keep the crazy under wraps as best as possible) i was like ok cool. i am totally into astrology and signs and all that stuff...so anyway we get to talking about astrology and what signs go good with other signs...and here was the aha moment as oprah would say...i decide i think the bartender is cute(y i have a new obsession with hitting on bartenders out here i have no idea...i mean i know they are all creepy and sleazy i did live in ny for 5 years and frequented many a bar and saw many and akward bartnder hookup...) so olivia decides to step in and go wait before you throw yourself at him let me ask him what his sign is...i was like thats brilliant...so she casually gets his attention and was like yo u i have a question for you...he struts his fine little butt over and was like what is it olivia then proceeds to ask him his bday and apparantly it was on a day that is the worst possible sign for me so olivia promptly looks at him says no and then pulls me away...which gave me the brilliant idea to just ask people up front what there sign is...i mean its genius if u think about it..u upfront know wether u r going to be compatible with someone or not and then can on the spot decide its not worth the hassle...however if you are a masichist like me you will still proceed to shaymelessly go up to the bartender and still try to throw yourself at him even though you now know he is completely wrong for you and it can only end in disaster ( i believe this particular bartender even said to my face im trouble well in his defense i said i want to give u my number even though i know u are wrong for me othen he quipped back im trouble and my clever response to that was i like trouble to which my owe so sober friend roxy to whom i owe my life and dignity to this morning drags me away and goes no u dont...) but that is neither here nor there...think about how much heartache and trouble we could save ourselves if we knew right off the bat that someone wasnt right for us...then if we proceed to date the noncompatible person that shit is all on us and we have no one to blame but ourselves because we knew they were wrong from the start...

on that note if you broke your nose (or really any other body part for that matter) during a softball game or some other game where someone is throwing a ball at your face...insert your own game here... noone in their right mind would call you a wuss and tell you to get back in the game and keep playing with a broken nose or whatever u broke...they would advise you to rest and let it heal and eventually when u felt recuperated enough to then slowly get back into it...so why is your heart any different...it can break like anything else but people very rarely understand that and instead of being supportive and giving you the time you need to properly heal it they are up your ass about getting back out there and that if you dont you will be an old maid (yeah mom im talking to you...not that my heart has ever been broken...hello if you know me than you know my heart is steel) but its just a ludicrous concept...how can u be expected to properly use it again if it wasnt given time to properly heal in the first place....just sayin'...ok my carrie bradshaw moment is over....

ill return to the snark....everyone in love can go suck it...except mariel and steffers cuz i like them :) but the rest of you....jk:)

miss malibu i aint...

2010-10-09T13:49:00.000-07:00

obviously... (for ur reference i added a pic...i think thats the current one he was talking abt...and to make myself feel better i added one of me...looking semi decent and its what i would like to think i would look like everyday if i had a team of people doing my hair and makeup but i am realistic and in all reality im lucky if i brush my hair everyday...yeah im klassy...eat ur heart out miss malibu...dont be jealous )but to make a long story short one of my friends was supposed to be shooting a short film and his lead girl that he had cast had just won the miss malibu competition...he was afraid that her schedule was going to get crazy and she was going to drop out of the proj...well surprise surprise that is what happened so he asked me to step in and read for it...ok so i did...ill post that soon (dont mind me biting my lip i have no idea why i did that and frankly i think i look like death...anywho i guess that is the benefit to taping urself and being critical...u can point your flaws before anyone else) so in essence i am auditioning for this and the guy who wants me to read with him starts telling me how the director really likes miss malibu and how h e thinks he can make it work...but don't worry my friend tells me i am going to try and "sell" you to him...(oh this business i always love being refferred to as an object or a high class hooker to be bought and sold) anyway i may not be the sharpest tack in the shed but i can see the writing on the wall...i could stand on my head spit nickles and have gold flowing out my boobs (sorry to be crass) but no matter what i do im just not miss malibu...lol i rhymed without even meaning to...and da da da drum roll please...it turns out...I was right...this guy only wants miss malibu so im out...not that im bitter (i mean in all reality he has a better chance selling the thing with advertising "miss malibu" in it then unknown quirky wierdo liz from god knows where)

in other self depricating news that i publicize for your enjoyment i am actually interviewing at a restaruant today called "cowboys and turbans" ( i seriously could not make this shit up if i tried) lets hope i get to wear a cowboy hat and not a turban...however on the plus side this is my chance to put into practice my skills with the middleastern men that i have since acquired from the gay club...awesome...aww look at me turning a crappy situation into a positive one...yay for me...

disclaimer: this is probably more snarky than usual but really cowboys and turbans????

congratulations

2010-10-03T16:06:00.000-07:00

so my best friend stefanie garcia just got engaged on friday night to an amazing man. I am so happy for her. I have known her since she was 14 and she is one of the most amazing people i have ever met. I wish her nothing but happiness :) So anyway i was so excited for her i figured i would call my mom and share the good news because i didnt want to call our mutual friends before stefanie had the chance to tell them. I will give it to my roomate dan who told me not to do it but i didnt listen. So the first thing out of my mothers mouth after you know saying how happy she is for stef etc... is ok elizabeth now its time for you to settle down and find a boyfriend. but not in like a joking around way no my mother said it in an overly stern i am getting the lecture of my life way..."see all your friends are getting married and you are going to be alone" and then she starts harping in on how she thinks i should date my roomate dan to which i respond with "barf" and some obscene grotesque noised to emphasize my point o which she responds...just "make out with him to see if you like it" to which again i respond with "double barf" ( i am even dry heaving a lil as i type out those words) its not that i have anything against dan but i would never datee him and equally important he would never date me...now here is the thing any normal parent would be thrilled to know that there daughter who is 3 thousand miles away on the other side of the country is just strictly platonically living with someone of the opposite sex and not getting it on...but no somehow my mom encourages it (not hooking up just you know kissing...hello mom i dont live in the 1950s its prob safe to say if you are kissing your male roomate you are probably going to be doing a lot more...not me though...)yeah sorry mom not gonna happen...single for life!!!! or at least the foreseeably immediate future...whos with me...

if hitler owned a diner id be gassed

2010-09-29T21:26:00.000-07:00

so as you all probably have read on my facebook status.. yes i did indeed get laid off from the diner...it is extremely scary to not know where your next paycheck is coming from but sometimes things are so awful that we need that push to move on and do something else... Somehow i have a knack for finding the worlds worst bosses not only are they completely jerky but i am pretty sure they are certifiably insane. The lastest man suffered from a severe case of paranoia and always thought people were talking about him...he also didnt want me to ask any questions to my other coworkers or him and just expected me to know everything even though i was never told anything...I should have told him when he hired me that i left my mind reading superpowers back in ny...
Imagine working in a place where every little thing you do i being watched and no one has ever explained to you the "right" way to do things so everything you do is completely wrong and you get yelled at everyday...seriously the other day the owner called me over and yelled at me for giving someone to many napkins and said that i was losing the restaruant money by giving one person three napkins (im serious) and i also had a table that came in who hated life (none of this was my fault they were miserable when they came in from start to finish...there was nothing i could have done to make them happy...i could have stood on my head and spit out gold and they still would have looked like someone pissed in their cheerios) and i was blamed for them being unhappy...listen jerk face i mean i am awesome but i can't make miserable people happy...im not God...and i refuse to take responisbility for someone else's poor attitude if i had done something wrong i could understand but i did nothing to these people...i was also told by the owner that if he thinks something in his head that is the way it is and there is no way to defend yourself...ok hitler...so obviously you are a sicko paranoid freak who is now delusional and blaming everyone else for his business failures but himself...now maybe its just me but if everyone has a problem with you chances are you are probably the one running your business away not the new girl who has been there for less than 2 months...i mean if i had that type of power that would be awesome(it could be like my secret super power to take down evil peoples businesses and then i could get a cool super hero name and costume..think of the possibilities) and as much as i would like to take credit for that i dont have that kind of power... I could go on and on but i think you get the picture...this guy was just a big bully and found the weakest link to pick on and blame and i think that is pretty pathetic to me..so while it blows being fired i just have to believe that it is for the best...

This is where having faith comes in. I don't know what is next for me but i have no choice but to believe God is leading me into something better and he no longer wanted me to be around bad people. I have to believe that I served my purpose there for whatever reason that is and God is moving me on to something else...So i guess the lesson here is when things look at their worst that is when God gives us an opportunity to believe in him and trust that he will take us by the hand and lead us through it...so let me be a witness that even though things look bad now he will lead me to something better...

ok and my preachyness is over for today but dont worry just because i am not at that restaruant doesnt mean i still cant give you all snarky updates on my life...

oh my...did old dude really just say that

2010-09-27T22:35:00.000-07:00

so the other night i broke up a gay fight at a gay club it was awesome. first off i obviously am not gay but i do enjoy dancing it up with the gay men. some of them are just so cute and little i want to put them in my pocket and take them home with me and then pull them out and make them dance when i am sad...jk...but they do dress a lot better than me and i am really jealous of that..anyway back to the gay fight so i am dancing and having a fabulous time when out of the corner of my eye i see some dude going after the cute little gay man that i am currently dancing with and then the little boy tried to go after the guy who was about to punch him in the face...i couldnt let this dude dude get deck ed so i jumped in the middle and pulled them apart and then proceeded to hold them back from attacking each other...no applause necessary i already know i am awesome...and let me tell you i have been pretty pleased with my awesomeness ever since..

in other news i walked in on a really akward conversation with some of my 80 year customers the other afternoon...i was trying to be a good little waitress and fill up my sugar and salt when i hear my tables of 80 year old guys screaming across the patio to each other about how they want to die...ok but that wasnt the akward part the akward part was when the one guy said that you have to plan how you decide you want to die...and apparantly he has already decided that he wants to die in orgasm but dont worry folks him and his wife get lots and lots of practice at it...even more akward i know his wife and i wait on them ...so next time they come in together i get to have the visual of them doing it...great...i guess that just goes to show you guys are guys no matter what age and just when you think the old geezer sitting next to you is a sweet old man you'll remember hes probably still a horndog fantasizing about banging you...

this is how far i would go for my craft...

2010-09-22T17:49:00.000-07:00

first off let me say they day started off weird when i saw seth binder (aka shifty aka the guy who was in celebrity rehab with dr. drew about a million times) on my street corner...let me point out here that i actually like him and think he is a cool guy...however i think i saw him doing a shady drug deal in the mattress parking lot (which dan swears is in my imagination...but listen i have seen my fair share of celebrity rehab i know how these things work) at which point i wanted to yell out seth no..but thought that would have been a little akward..so i decided to menacingly stare at him and shame him into not buying these said drugs however i am not super smoothe and as i am staring him down i akwardly trip and eat pavement which would have been embarassing enough but then i have dan next to me laughing like a hyena drawing more attention to the fact that i now have a mouthful of chalk...however on the plus side maybe it distracted seth enough and tharwted him off his drug dealing ways...id like to think my little trip may have saved a life...

in other liz news heres a little question for you all and mostly myself..what exactly wont liz do for her acting craft...apparantly the awnser to that is nothing...i am willing to embarrass myself in many many ways for the sake of my craft...not only am i in a show with no words where i turn into a tree robot and goat but apparantly i am now in a musical that rehearses in a park where i proceed to sing (not well...small children and dogs were scared) and dance like an ahole all for this childrens show. Today a girl came to "audition" and by audition i mean she came to a park to listen to some people akwardly talk about this bizarre play within a play where everyone is supposed to act like people from a peewee herman movie (he does realize peewee herman is a creeper doesnt he..so maybe that is not the best analogy if you want to get people interested in doing your play...but hey i am not the brains behind the operation...apparantly if you are keeping track somewhere driving cross country i lost my brain...)and be asked to crawl on her knees and act like a 6 year old...and she did it...props to her...if that was my aud i would like to think i would have run the other way...although if u have been reading this than u prob know in actuality i would have been like that poor girl crawling on my knees in the grass...and she prob thought i was the biggest bitch in the world because i was being just as akwardly silent and staring at her...im sure that really helped her nerves...if i was her i would have thought what a bitch and then gone home and told everyone on the planet how much this girl sucked (meaning myself) i tried to be nice but i just felt so bad for her because auditioning is hard enough but auditioning in a park with some people i dont know asking me to act like a character from peewee herman must be impossible on top of the fact this girl was like 5 so probably has no idea who that is...anyway hi my name is liz and today i was bitch to a poor little girl...will keep u updated to see if this girl took that audition seriously and actually wants to do this play...

Cougartown here i come...

2010-09-20T23:20:00.000-07:00

apparantly since moving out here unbeknowst to me i have become an accidental cougar...now let me explain...technically i am not older enough to be considered or thought of as a typical cougar (to all those out there who dont know what that is...its an older woman who goes for much younger guys...)lets be clear here i dont go for younger guys however apparanlty younger guys are like flies to shit on me...guys my own age have no interest but all the 21 year old babies seem to love me...yes i may look like i am still in my early 20s but i am not..nor am i a babysitter...to some raging hormone pimply faced losers...plus they are my sisters age and the thought of me getting it on with someone who could be with my sister makes me want to puke a little bit in my mouth... speaking of wanting to barf in my mouth i went on the most heinous audition the other day. It was supposed to be audition times and surpirse surprise i show up and it is an open call and there are about a million people in front of me...(not actually a million only 72 i was 73..it took them two hours to call my number and by that time i just wanted to eat a big fat cheeseburger and call it a day...) not only were the casting directors ( and i use that term loosely to describe these pimply faced losers on a power trip i mean they were a whole new breed of suck) the one was this really short red headed loser who kind of looked like a less cool version of "e" from entourage that had never been laid in his life...not only that but i just happened to be sitting next to the most annoying perfect girl of all time...and clearly the most annoying person in the entire world...she was from australia and in the 2 excrutiating hours i had to sit next to her i had to hear about her perfect stupid life...i found out that she is from australian but now can legally live here because she won the greencard lottery (yes there is an actual green card lottery in australia and if you win it you automatically get ur card..which clearly this lucky bitch did) she just got chosen to be the new xenadrin girl (the weight loss pill...she was already stick thin ps and she kept saying how they were paying her to lose weight) and how she has the most perfect boyfriend and it was love at first sight. I wanted to take this bitch and punch her in her perfect face..either that or rub up against her for luck...(but lets be honest i have a lot of rage so punching her in the face would have been the best bet)and to add insult to injury they were telling 10 people at a time if they recieved a callback and you guessed it this girl was in my group of 10 and surprise surprise she was the only one in my group they wanted to see again...awesome...go have ur perfect life with your perfect boyfriend and your perfect diet contract while i go eat my ramen...FML for real!!!!

this would only happen to me...

2010-09-14T21:11:00.000-07:00

so today i went to an acting seminar where u meet agents. basically you go do a scene or a monologue(out here they like to see scenes) i normally do monologues but i just started taking a cold reading class in which the teacher gives u sides and helps you interpet them like you would do an audition. So i think i am super awesome and im like ill just use the sides that my teacher gave me that i have worked on in class. I already am prepared with them it will be better than a monologue since they seem to frown upon that here...well...i barely could get the last word out of my mouth when the manager i was meeting was like oh thats from the pilot called _____. The writer is a good friend of mine. F me !!! Awesome!!!(that awesome is sarcastic by the way..it was not at all awesome in fact it was totally 100% the opposite of awesome...it took a whole new turn into the land of suckage) and then he goes on a five minute diatribe on what the backstory is actually about...great wonderful helpful info that would have been nice to know...uh before i went in...way to go acting teacher...and way to go liz for being a gigantic ahole... (lesson learnd always go with your first instinct... a short monologue from an obscure play) i mean what are the odds that a random scene i am given in a random class turns out to be the one scene this guy actually knows...out of all the sides in the world ( and trust me there are a lot of them) awesome...got to love my life..only me

toddlers and tiaras....

2010-09-04T22:33:00.000-07:00

is everything that is wrong with america today. I was randomly flipping through channels today and this little gem came on...wtf i seriously want to write to the producers and give them a stern talking to on how horrific this show is...its like watching a horrible train crash but its just so horrifying that you cant avert your eyes and turn away or in this case change the channel. If you havent seen this nightmare of a shit show...basically overzealous mothers put there little tikes into these pageants in the hopes that they will win some utterly ridiculous title like little miss anklebiter queenor some other title as equally ridiculous sounding and these grown women actually cry real tears when their pathertic little average children turn out to be just that average..instead of spectatular little miss junior whore (i mean kid) seriously the way these parents dress these kids they look like freakin trannys...this show begs the question who is the real adult and who is the kid. I mean it is so obvious these kids could care less but are just trying to please their parents who are vicariously living through their 2 year olds...seriously disgusting... yes i know i what you are thinking..i actually watched it so that probably makes me just as trashtastic as the people that go on that show...

in other news today must have been screw with the new girl at work today because seriously every table i got was crabby old lesbian women who pretty much hated life and each other and were determined to hate the restaraunt as well...awesome...listen lady if you wanted me to take out the tomatoes and put dressing on the salad then u should have freakin said that before you made me take it back to the kitchen about ten times...this bitch is lucky she wasnt wearing it by the end of it...and apparantly after getting out of cedars sinai the cool place to go is the diner where you proceed to order a coffee and hock up your lung on the poor waitress (me) yell at her for needing more time to order and then after about 15 min you finally have made that hard pressing descicion that what you will have is a bagel...mmm yum and then u stiff me...love it...on that note im out..

two words i would never put in the same sentence together..

2010-09-03T16:32:00.000-07:00

Liz and singing (cuz we all know how amazing my voice is...not...think kate hudson in how to lose a guy in ten days when she is describes as being tone deaf and drunk...yeah thats me...except all the time) eliza do little i am not(although come to think of it audrey hepburn couldnt sing either and they cast her in the film..is her voice double available i could prob use her right about now...) i can admit it i sound like i am killing a cat that needs to be put out of its misery. So yes the unthinkable has happened I am going to be in a musical...its for children but none the less i have to sing...I told the director i couldnt sing and he seems to think anybody can sing.(um listen guy sorry to burst your bubble but you haven't met me) never the less the director is super nice and needs help getting this little project off the ground so i agreed to sacrifice my dignity and suck it up...How i get myself involved in these off the wall projects i have no idea...at least this time i wont be playing a tree that turns into a robot that turns into a goat...i get a far more challenging role...playing a snot nosed little sassy pants girl in a group home "where the bad kids go". I'm sort of stoked to be playing something closer to myself and well you know human...

Happy labor day to all u crazy kids...while most of you will probably be drinkihng ur face off or laying out on a beach or doing a combination of the two...just know two things 1) I am extremely jealous of you as i will be working all weekend and 2) yeah thats about it I am extremely jealous of you ...however i do live in cali where i can go to the beach anytime i want so in ur face take that all u east coasters...jk miss ya and love ya all:)

and awesome...

2010-08-27T21:19:00.000-07:00

so i noticed the other day what it is about old people and children that they have in common (besides the fact that they both freak me out) its the fact that they both will say whatever comes to their mind...i had a guy sitting at one of my tables (hes a regular) and another regular comes by and goes "hey mikey hows it going?" to which normal people would say "oh fine" or "not bad" or something to that effect to hide the fact that they are supremely miserable and wishing silently for death. but not this guy he just comes right out with it and is like "well i'll tell you I'm not doing well..." and then proceeds to go into a diatribe of his many health related ailments and the fact that he lost a third of his income due to the crashing economy "which he will never see again in his lifetime" (by the way he is like 83) im not really making fun cuz i think it is supremely entertaining and i definitly appreciate the candor and the honesty (lets be honest... i have no filter now at this stage in my life so i can only imagine the stuff that will be flying out of my mouth when/if i ever get to that age)

also i realized two things last night while i was at the gay club with my guy friends (only one of whom was gay...we think..and if he's not well then thats akward) that i am more a man than any of the guys there my straight guy friends included... (i was drinking 40s of pbr...not only is it ghetto that i am drinking a pbr and a 40 no less but i decide to double fist and drink two forties of pbr at the same time....thats just the kind of class act i am...)I am apparantly gay mans dream...the gays kept coming up to me and picking me up (literally like picking me up and swinging me around ..it could have been the sparkly disco shirt i was wearing...hey when in rome people..) and apparanlty i am a magnet for 21 year old israeli men..like straight off the boat from isreal hot out of the israeli army..the one fellow was like you must be italian and i was like thats weird why do u say that and he was like "cuz u look jewish and are wearing a catholic medal" (by the by i have never heard italians look jewish however my roomate dan staunchly disagrees and says that that is a common fact...cuz he is an expert on the subject being irish and all...anyway if anyway has ever heard that italians look jewish i would like some other type of confirmation so email me)...so at least i have that going for me...ive been thinking of changing my special skills section on my acting resume to say "can pick up gay men and israelis" i mean at the very least its a conversation starter...thoughts? (and if you didnt get the sarcasm...ahem dan...im not being serious...i would never put that on my resume...at least not until i take one home ;))

only in LA

2010-08-19T13:38:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I was waiting outside at a seminar waiting to meet a agent and as i was waiting outside a car pulled up and stopped at the stoplight and leaned out the window to wish us all good luck and at first i thought he was being sarcastic so i was like "yeah thanks buddy" (in my naturally charming aka bitchy snarky way)...apparantly my snark doesnt translate in la...so anyway i lean over to see who this asshole in the car was making fun of our poor misfortune( that we are waiting on the street to meet an agent who might hopefully take pity on us and sign us so we can get sent on auditions where casting directors will get to judge us...the last thing i need is this dudes 'tude...) and when i lean over to see who it is i realize a) holy fuck this dude is actually being sincere and i am in fact the asshole being rude to him and b) it is mark curry...aka...hanging with mr. cooper and he is actually trying to be nice to us and give us advice...all while stopped at a stoplight. As my mouth is hanging a jar and my brain is frantically trying not to embarrass myself anymore than i just have i keep thinking wow he looks a lot skinnier in person i hope he's not sick...So i think i am pretty cool cuz i have just had a really random/n inspiring/ embarassing convo with mark (apparantly in my head we are now bffs on a first name basis..) and i go home to my roomate dan danand am like omg u r never gonna guess who i met today so i proceed to tell him my story acting pretty pleased with myself...and at the end of my story i am expecting dan to be blown away by my awesomeness and he just looks at me and goes... "I bet I can trump you... I just took an elevator ride with majic johnson" well shit..that is better...only in la.

randomness..like there is any other way with me

2010-08-13T20:47:00.000-07:00

So i am in this really weird show (the above video describes) it is like a 60s acid trip and even when i try to describe it i find myself hysterical laughing at the words that are coming out of my mouth because it sounds so ridiculous...it starts off with everyone being "birthed" by "mother" and we change from being dead trees to coming alive by having our "mother" blow in our ear and then to here are evil minions who turn us into robots and later on into goats...now i realize how ludicrous this sounds...and u are probably thinking why anyone would participate in this (at least that is what dan keeps asking me) however i am taking it as a really great acting lesson...cuz if you are crazy enough to want to live this acting life then u r crazy enough to want to be a tree who turns into a robot and then a goat (and i intend to be the best damn tree robot goat i can be) and at the end of the day you get to run around stage and have fun and play in a no pressure environment. plus the people are cool and and its right next to a liquor store...(in my book that makes for some damn goode theatre...plus ifs the show sux u can always just get drunk) ...like i said before its to the albulm dark side of the moon y pink floyd and we are only up to like song 2...ill keep u posted on anymore spontaneous goat robot transformations i may have...

in other news i was walking out of a bar around the corner from my apt when some random guy calls me and my friends over into the parking lot (now i know this sounds shady and lets be honest it probably looked shady to..) but he was like "i saw u guys taking shots of jack (thank you chrissy...u taught me well) and i wanted to offer u some of my wifes tequila that she makes herself...its distilled in jack bottles" now normal people would probably walk away and not drink possibly rufued tequila out of the back of a car from some guy in a dark alley...however i am not most people (and in my defense i was with 2 guys...no mom i did not pick them up at the bar...it was dan and my friend jon are both pretty obsessive about hitting the gym so they are pretty jacked) so i figured wtf even if it does have rufies in it at least dan can drag my ass home...and no he would not try to hookup with me a) he is nice guy b)we have no interest in each other and c) my sister would take a baseball bat to his face... anywho i drank the rufie juice (and naturally made dan drink it to...if im going down im taking everybody with me)...surprisingly the tequila was actually really amazing and apparantly his wife does tastings in la and she makes a special margarita so naturally i made him give me his wifes card so i can go to this special event and get a free drink...he then gave me the bottle to take home...i then attempted to order some shady mexican food and promptly passed out face down (alone) in my bed....

on a side note...when going out in west hollywood do not attempt to wear a flannel shirt...u will blend in with all the gay men and may be mistaken for a midgit tranny...

you know whats awesome...

2010-08-08T16:24:00.000-07:00

getting an email about a super cool independent film and then two min later getting an email disinviting you. Yeah that happened to me the other day.

Email 1 : We love for you to come in tomorrow for an audition for "The Hole"! We know this is last notice but The Director would like to see more talent come in for his movie. we hope to see you there.

less than a min later

Email 2:Last Email was sent in error, We apologize, for the mix up.

Seriously seriously seriously i could not make this shit up. awesome.. (aka we thought you were someone else and realized our mess up sorry...u in fact actually suck and we dont want to see ur ugly mug...aka please dont come) in hindsight i should have just crashed it and been like "what i never got that second email woops sorry" and made them feel like aholes..yeah that would have definitly shown them...(doh why do i have these genius ideas two min too late )(either that or i threaten them within an inch of their lives...let me audition or ill beat ur face in with a pipe...jk...wow living in nyc for so long has kind of made me violent...

in other exciting news i auditioned for a super sketchy theatre show in some rathole theatre that i thought was equity...(apparantly i can't read) so i get called to audition at 11:30 yeah me and a million other people (some may or may not have had to teeth the jury is still out on that one) and the guy tells us when the rehearsals would be mon-fri 11-1 but if we have conflicts still audition but let them know however this is an "ensemble" show so everyone has to be at every rehearsal. Part of me wanted to run out the door screaming but the other part of me was like well i draged my sorry ass out here and paid for an hour in metered parking on the st. i guess ill stick around just for fun its not like they can actually cast me anyway...(by the way there is no dialogue in this show its some interpretive something or other while pink floyds dark side of the moon album plays in the background) yeah so kinda weird right...of course it is and of course i would stay because i clearly have no brain cells and love to get myself into weird situations...(oh and by the way the aud was us having ot pretend we have just come from a horrific event without using words...thank u meisner...) so yeah a few days later i get a call...congratulations u have been cast...how the hell does that happen? i point blank told them i wasnt available two of the days to rehearse but yet somehow i still managed to get cast and they were even like yeah we know u cant be here on mon and tues thats ok...so yeah we will see..i mean im pretty shady myself so it makes sense i would do some whack out interpative i dont even know what kind of show...

in other news things i have forgotten since waitressing...be prepared for you to burn ur hands until u can't even feel your fingers anymore, shut ur mouth and nod and smile at all times no matter what, and try not to laugh at the 90 year old woman who is hard of hearing and her annoying 55 year old daughter clipping coupons all over the table and announcing to the entire restaraun tthe coupon sales...(p.s ur mom may be old but i dont think she is stupid she knows whats in the shrimp and crab soup...fucking shrimp and crab its not that complicated the only way she might not know is if she is an alien and even then i am pretty sure they know what that is..)

some videos for ur entertainment

2010-08-05T20:39:00.001-07:00

these are a few videos i took on my road trip and the one of the boys tied up is an outake from the last film i did in ny called 4 corners road right before i moved to l.a.... the first one is from our going away party

if u can't make out the dancing stud its dan livin it up in oklahoma

more on waiting...

2010-07-31T19:46:00.000-07:00

so i finally figured out why they call it a waiting job...cuz u literally wait for people to eat and drink and summon u if they nd u (yeah i know hold the applause i am a genious...next up on to world peace)...however there are those times when u r running around in madness and dont know which way is up (ketchup here...icetea there...more coffee and bread and jam oh my...) and then just as quickly as the vultures come they are gone again and all is quiet again...(you know u have issues when u start to look forward to the time when u can stare off into space and fill the ketchups...even more awesome having a table watching you about to fall over staring into space filling up ketchup bottles and then laughing at you...yes i realize that in order to see them watching me i had to have been staring at them...and yes i admit i was)

the highlight of my day came when an over 70 year old gentleman who was in the Godfather movies came in with his secretary and seemed to take a liking to me...(note to anyone reading this if i end up in a gutter somewhere ull know who to ask for) all in all the job is pretty cool and the customers are easy and friendly...so far cali kind of is awesome:)

just my luck

2010-07-20T17:54:00.000-07:00

So a few months ago I had the brilliant idea to film a short scene for my reel and turn it into a mini film.Let me say that I talked to the playwright in advance and got her permission to film the scene for my reel. My intentions were for me to only use it for my reel. The director who filmed it when he finished the copy put it online so I could see it (bcse I am now 3000 miles away) while he sends me the copy. Somehow in the 5 minutes it was put online the playwright managed to see it and sent me an email asking me to take it offline.( Now that's fine I understand that i guess i mean she did write it so i have to respect her wishes...) however the ironic part and this would only happen to me is that she wanted me to take it down because it is in development to be an actual film and she didnt want other versions out there online. How ironic is that I randomly find this piece (which wasnt easy to find hence y i contacted the playwright in the first place) and its right after i decide to produce it for my reel its actually getting produced. lol the whole thing just gives me the giggles the one thing i decide to produce so does somebody else for real (which makes me sort of wonder if she got the idea when i contacted her or if this was in the works for a while and if it was how come she didnt mention it to me when i asked her if i could use it for my real..??? hmm interesting ill have to get sherlock on that one). On the other hand at least i am in the right direction with picking good material...I can't wait to see who is gonna be in this production...

Sorority rush...again???

2010-07-18T18:31:00.000-07:00

So after getting an apt in la the next thing to do behind that is get a job. now what would be the most obvious job to get if you want to be an actor? waiting tables. apparantly everyone else has that idea to and these are very coveted positions out here... they were having "open call" (im not joking...like basically an audition) be server. hostess bartender etc...for restaraunt company sbe(think all those pretenious restaurants you see on the hills...yeah..like that) so dan and i decided to go...wth right? We get there and there is a line wrapped around the corner filled with people just like us hoping to charm the pants off these people so that they have the chance to be offered a minimum wage paying job with essentially rude and entitled customrs (yes myself included in this). The whole scenario reminded me of sorority rush. If you have no idea what this is allow me to explain. Basically in sorority rush you put on your fakest smile possible and act as "friendly" as u possibly(lets be honest and look as good as you possibly can...i refused to do this during 1st rounds...yes there are rounds...and got dropped from all but 2 houses..) can and try to get these random girls to like you enough to pick u to be in their special group. This is exactly what this sbe experience only everyone was dressed in full night club attire and cleavage galore. I put on my biggest fakest smile (while looking like i was going to some night club or something...again think the hills) and kept babbling like an idiot abt the "experience" i so clearly do not have written on my resume... i just keep smiling like an ahole and telling them that 5 years of reception work is basically the same as hosting. I keep smiling and shamelessly flirted my way through 3 rounds of interviews (thank god they were guys cuz if they were girls i would have been dead in the water.) Yeah this def sounds like the place for me...(note the sarcasm there)...HOwever by the grace of god(seriously its a miracle that i found this job cuz literally i have been to like a million places and they all have pointed and laughed in my face...ok not in my face prob behind my back.. ) i did manage to find a job at a little diner around the corner from my apt...it looks low key and definitly more my speed. on the positive side of waiting table...i bet ill get awesome stories for my blog...get excited:)))

poundin' the pavement aint just a metaphor...

2010-07-16T16:09:00.000-07:00

So I have officially been in L.A a week now and so far things are pretty good. We found an apt and now its on for the job hunt...let me tell you a few things i have learned in the few short days that i have been living here and trying to find a job. a)craigslist is absolutely pointless ( i have sent like over 50 resumes out from posts i got there and have not heard back from 1. Literally which leads me to believe i either suck really bad and no one wants to hire me based on the fact that my resume doesnt reflect "career waiter" or 2) those postings are crap and the people who post probably just want to see how many pathetic losers their are out there like myself who will respond to these said posts and when they do the people who posted are probably sitting in their cushy airconditioned douchebag apt laughing at how pathetic the rest of us are that need to respond to these crappy posts (that was a long thought i know if u didnt get all of it feel free to call me and i will explain it in detail). So after a few days of countless resume sending out with no response i decided to walk up and down and go into every restaraunt/bar/cafe i have seen. Literally i have dragged my ass up and down santa monica blvd, melrose and the sunset strip. My feet and hands look larger than usual ( i already have man hands now imagine that the man hands swelled so they roughly look about the size of shreks...no joke) every part of my body feels like it is going to fall off and my face is slowly melting off of me...I literally started just going into places and filling out applications to get out of the heat and be able to sit down for a sec...do i necessarily want to work out a haiwan/mexican fusion takeout place where i would be the only white girl...ehh...if they want to hire me i guess i'll take it. So the search is still on but i will not die in defeat rather i will beat someone into submission(or cry whichever comes first) until someone somewhere agrees to hire me.

and while in the midst of trying to figure out this job situation i went to buy a mattress yesterday(woohoo i have finally graduated to a big girl bed and am happy to report that i have upgraded to a full ;)) and the guy was trying to sell me the shittiest mattress they had (in all fairness i asked for the cheapest..) which was like 300 bucks...yeah i dont think so buddy there is no way i am going to pay 300 big ones for springs in my back...so i pulled a joanie (for all those who dont know joanie is my mom and her favorite thing to do when buying things is to use the phrase "is that the best you can do" and give a coy little smile and wink) i admit it i did it and u know what it worked...maybe a little too well cuz as he was giving me the discount for the mattress and asking for my info to ship it to me (part of that process is to give them ur phone number so they can call u when it comes in) my mattress man goes "so like is that the phone number i can call u on if i wanted to take you out"...sort of like the time my old roomate chrissy took her computer to get fixed and the guy from the geek squad(im not being mean that really is what they are called at best buy when u go to get ur computer fixed) asked her out by saying "here's your computer oh and i forgot to ask you one last thing?" to which she responds "what" thinking it was abt the computer and he goes "ur number to take you out". I got to admit I love the effort. Any who that is a little slice of what my life is like out here so far..So anyway then the mattress guy starts asking me about myself and why i moved out here and i tell him to be an actress and he started talking about being centered and spiritual and i told him if i didn't have faith in God there is no way i would have moved out here and taken the biggest leap of faith ever to move to a new city with no job, no place to live and no friends...so on the job front i guess im just gonna have to bust my ass and then let God take care of it...i know he will just like he took care of my apt situation (i now proudly live in west hollywood within walking distance to alot of cool stuff...people keep telling me how lucky i am to which i just laugh and say its not luck its God)...

oh and p.s for all those out there who dont understand why i dont write in paragraphs or correct grammar its because i write the way i speak...so if you know me its like im talking to you without actually speaking...arent i clever..yeah i thought so too...

rte 66

2010-07-06T08:20:00.000-07:00

so apparantly dan and i are idiots and we thought that driving from ok to roswell would be a peice of cake little did we realize its like a ten hour drive and u have to pass through texas (this would have been awesome info to know before we decided to go out to some hick back in ok and have a few...drinks were only $2 we had to take advantage of that..p.s it was all worth it to see dan mack it to some chick and some 12 year old cowboy akwardly try to stand there and hit on me...) on the plus side of this ten hour drive we got to stop at an awesome rte 66 museum on the side of the road (aka i forced dan to pull over and take me there...) it was amazing...and what made it better was the little old lady standing at the counter with a sweet little smile telling us to come in and enjoy but to please sign the guest book (she was a little too friendly and prob at anytime could have gone all kathy bates in that physcho movie she was in and started stabbing us...but dammit i was determined to get a rte 66 hack from a side of the road shop so i decided to take my chances) p.s there are a ton of pics that i will post soon...we then continued driving basically through podunk towns and desert where literally we were the only ones on the road so we decided to pull over of course and take pics in the middle of the highway(dan decided to lie down...) the open road was awesome until we realized we were running out of gas. dan was starving and i had to pee and there was no town in sight and when we finally did find an exit to take us to civilization the stupid gps took us 20 min in the wrong direction...not cool machine lady on the gps...not cool...but luckily i used my awesome detective skills to turn us around and head towards lights...and bam because i am awesome we ran into roswell where we currently our on the hunt for some aliens :)

st. louis..we came we saw we conquered

2010-07-04T07:57:00.000-07:00

highlights of st. louis: seeing the huge ass arch and having dan have to empty all his pockets and hearing the security guard say to him i need to see "it" while both of us looked at him like wtf..."yeah man you got to show it to me" , now listen i know we are just travelers but that is not how we roll in the nyc we dont just whip it out for free..ok maybe if we are extremly wasted...jk...well in my case u never know...but um in the middle of the day we dont take to kindly to people asking us to whip it out...apparantly the security guard thought dan said he had a pocket knife and needed to see it...awesome apparantly we are stupid and that guys has a hearing problem because neither one of us heard him.... we also decided to go to the top of this 600 ft structure(prob not a good idea for someone like me who has a wicked fear of heights...) they put u in a crammed little space pod and pull u up like a half pully half elevator system but u can see the bottom on ur way to the top...apparantly the 12 year old in our pod thought it would be cool to try to heckle me and tell me about what would happen if it fell..i thought it would be cool to punch him in the face however i dont know how his mother would have reacted... we then get to the top (ok its cool but its crammed and its tiny and i was like i came i saw i conquered now i want to get the f down but apparantly staying for only 3 secs after waiting like 2 hours to get up this thing was not cool with dan so while he is having the time of his life taking pics out of the teeny tiny windows i am silently in a corner freaking out praying to god that this steel structure doesnt break) i know the likelihood of that is slim but still i dont want to be one of those freak news reports that say today the st. louis arch collapsed and x amount of people died...i mean i know when its ur time its ur time but i def dont want to chance fate....after that i ate an amazing jumbo corndog...i love hotdogs and we wandered down by the river and saw an awesome 90s coverband while we drank 32oz margaritas for 5 bucks...overall st louis not a bad city...tulsa ok here we come...im hoping to find me a cowboy..yeeha

taking it all on faith...

2010-07-02T11:45:00.000-07:00

so a few weeks ago i decided to completely uproot my life as most of you know and i decided to move to cali and try the acting thing in l.a. I know most people think i am crazy (and to be honest i do a little bit too) but i feel like if you dont risk big you dont win big. So i am taking it all on faith that through the grace of God i will find a job and a place to live and that all will fall into place. This literally is the biggest leap of faith that i have ever taken but in a weird way i feel totally calm and at peace because it is the first time in my life that i have completely given over to faith and trust in God that he is leading me to something great. He is the captain of my boat right now and I trust that he will steer me in the right direction :)

with that being said i am currently on an awesome roadtrip. we first landed in chi town at 3 in the morning (dan insistd we would make it all the way from ny to chicago in one drive and i made fun of him but he powered through) we get here are totally exhaustd and of course as we go to pull into a parking garage we hear a crashing nose up top. it was the lovely sound of the turtle ( yeah we are awesome like that and travel with one of those things on top of the car...fyi not an actual turtle but the cool compartment u stick on top of ur car to house ur excess flow of crap) apparantly it was too big to fit in this particular garage so we drove around until we found one that would house us (im not gonna lie we begged a littl bit for this guy to let us park i also may have cried..) after that we got a full night sleep and it was off to see the sight (note to anyone who wants to see the sears towers the name is now changed to willis towers this info will inevitably save u from wandering around like assholes going "wher is the sears tower" like we did. ) we get up to the tower and saw the sights ( i stepped into a sky box where the bottom is completely clear and u can see like a million stories straight down - pics to follow- if u know me at all u know i am completely afraid of heights but i figured i had to do it . yeah i almost puked on myself but it was well worth it cuz the pic is awesome. anyway chi town is awesome and tomorrow we make our way to st. louis :)

raise your hand if your a dumb ass...oh wait thats me

2010-06-18T20:22:00.001-07:00

So last night at about 1 am i get a text and an email from one of my modeling agents alerting me to the fact that i have a go see for the next day (luckily i was drinking my face off at the bar...real good for gosees the next day) so i got it in time. i wake up minorly hungover ( thank you dan murphy for convincing to "lets just see what is happening in trinity" and then drinking there til 4 in the am with some random ass guys who keep buying us drinks and insisting that we were a couple...we are so not...) so in my hungover haze i try to gather my stuff for the day and my dignity and pry myself off the couch and out the door. Because i am always a forward thinker i decide to load up my bag with my headshots and other necessary stuff i need to make it through the day (i was having lunch with a friend and straight from there i was going to the gosee and then to work and then to help do crew for one of my friends show...full day...love these days when i just cant be a hungover couch potato like a normal person...) So after my amazing lunch...i decide it might be a good idea to look up where this said go see is...because i am awesome i realize that i have overlooked one huge detail the fact that i need to show up in "athletic gear" great i am all the way downtown and have no way of getting home and then gettting to the thing on time...so because i am a thinker i run into the nearest store i can see victorias secret holding my breath hoping that they have some unassuming shorts and a tshirt that doesnt have victorias secret written obscenely across the ass or boobs. Im in luck i find a barely there up your crotch pair of short shorts... (dont judge they literally were like the only pair in the store) and a tshirt as i go up to pay the women behind the counter is badgering the crap out of me to sign up for some stupid card and i explain to her i cant that i am in a rush but just my luck the shorts dont have a tag so they have to go find them in the store and then the lady goes while you wait do u want to sign up for the card...frigin no lady i dont want your stupid underwear card i want those stupid up my ass shorts and to get the hell out of here without having a break down and punching you. (ok maybe thats a little harsh) so she finally finds the tag sells me this shite and i am off. now i just have to figure out where to change and i swear i thought about changing in the subway. ( i had a dress on i could have easily slipped the shorts under the dress and the shirt over and slipped it off) although even i couldnt bring myself to do that so i decided to be alot more classy and go into a mcdonalds and change however there was a line out the door so i being the smart girl i am decide to go into the guys bathroom and change...dont ever do this it was possibly one of the most horrific experiences of my life...not to mention the smell...bleh barfable...i also hear people calling me a bitch...well u know what i didnt cut the line..sorry u r not smart enough to or have better morals to figure that one out...i clearly dont and have no shame. So after i try to change as quickly as possible and get the hell out of there before some big black lady beats the shit out of me i now get the added pleasure of walking the streets in these skimpy barely there ass shorts. oh and did i mention i get lost and cant find the adress so my classy ass (literally my ass was hanging out...my parents would be so proud) is wandering up and down park ave looking for this building..i finally find it and duck in...yeah i am awesome...dont be jealous of my coolness...

just when you think you can't get any lower there is 50 ft of crap and then me...

2010-06-03T12:02:00.000-07:00

So yesterday i get a lovely little note from my former agent ( i say former because i just got dropped from the roster) for any of you who dont know what that means and i think its pretty clear but it means he will no longer be representing me. The big question everyone wants to know is why and i don't have the awnser for that one. However what i can tell you is being dropped is kind of like going through a breakup id imagine only probably worse because at least in a breakup there are some type of awnsers (granted they may all be a lie but that is for you to figure out later). In this instance it is a real wakeup call to just how worthless you are. He should have just called me and said "hey sorry we just don't see any potential for you to make us money...to bad so sad you're out" at least that would have been honest. So yeah were too from now i have no idea but every time i say ok it can't get any worse it inevitably finds a way to do just that. So now i am attempting to crawl my way out of hole filled with dirt and ponds scum and 50 ft of crap all piled heavingly on top of me...awesome...but looking on the bright side of things i somehow will find a way to survive this stellar setback and just hope that something better will come along..(.and the little part of me that likes to get even can't wait for the day when he regrets not taking a chance..)

the 2 thousand dollar bruise...

2010-06-02T14:47:00.000-07:00

So today i got sent out on yet another go see for a pharmacuetical campaign. It was supposed to start at 10 and go to 1030 however of course that was definitely not the case. They were running behind because their clients showed up and were entertaining them instead of telling them to shut the f up they had people waiting. So as i am waiting on the long hard bench in the non airconditioned hallway for 45 min (silly me thought that i would get there early and be the first to get in and the first to get out..angnnnnngggggggg wrong try again) did i mention that there was a fan but the guy signing us in decided to aim it directly on himself so basically i got the added bonus of baking in a pool of my own sweat. Awesome. As i am sitting there silently raging that these "clients" were so selfish and kept us waiting for like 45 min (cuz apparantly our time is not valuable) a girl comes out to inform us it should only be a few more minutes she shoots me a look basically implying i am scum of the earth and right then and there i know i am dead in the water. While we continue to wait I start to think wow the guy checking us in is pretty cute i wonder what it would be like to make out with him (obviously i was getting delirious from the heat) and then i realize he looks like an 8 yr old girl i used to babysit for. I can't make out with someone that reminds me of an 8 yr old girl ( a not attractive one may i add) clearly i have no standards...just as i am starting to creep myself out they finally call my name.. oh yippee its my turn i get to go first which means i get to be the guinea pig for which they will try weird poses out on and then inevitably will direct everyone else after me how to do it correct thus enabling them to book the job and not me. GREAT!!! The best thing about this was it was an ad for parts and i just happen to have a bruise on my leg (i got flipped over a couch by my scene partner the day before....it was pretty cool) which the director points out.."oh you have a bruise on your leg" to which i snarkily respond "yeah i know" (yead definitley not winning any personality points on this one) what i wanted to say was "don't they have makeup to cover up bruises" (yes i listen to red jumpsuit apparatus and they seem to think there is makeup to cover up bruises) or "airbrushing". Anywho i obviously didnt get that job...i promptly told my scene partner he now owes me 2 grand. I'm blaming it on the bruise.

mostly like a dude with a little bit of lady...

2010-05-29T15:43:00.000-07:00

Let me explain. Now that i work part time at a salon I have alot of down time to read so before i left this morning i randomly picked a book off of my roomate and my bookshelf. Its kind of a guy book (okay its totally aguy book "sex drugs and coco puffs by check klosterman) but i thought what the hell let me try it out i kind of like candid blatant guy humor ( if you hadnt noticed im a little like that myself) so i thought at the very least maybe i could get a good monologue out of this. I'm reading it (and not gonna lie kind of laughing out loud at some crude parts) and then i shit you not every guy in the salon kept coming up to me saying wow thats a really awesome book while every girl in the joint was like "uh that is so gross how can you read that" my response i am not a typical girl. Sure i like to curse like a sailor and i pretty much say whatever comes to my mind oh yeah and like to not show my emotions...i hate all that girly shit (unless i have alot of beverages then holy hell please run away from me cuz the i emote all over the place and i apologize to anyone who has to be in that line of fire.) but that doesn't necessarily make me a dude...does it? I still have my girly moments like when i went to get a pedicure the other day (yes i broke down and got one...it was getting disgusting...and good thing to cuz one of my agents called me and is sending me on y a gosee next week in which the breakdown specifically said nails and toes must be manicured for reals). I am trying to just read my magazine in silence when the jappiest most obnoxious girly girl sat down next to me. Her voice was so fing annoying (think a cross between the nanny and janis from friends) i actually wanted to reach across from where i was sitting and stab her in the face (good thing i didnt have any sharp objects in my bag). She kept talking in her whiny sing songing voice abt "how she was so tired...she just got off the plane last night and today was her first real day back at work...and she has a long weekend of partying in the hamptons ahead of her" (her diamond shoes were probably too tight also) poor little thing i just felt so bad for her what a rough little life she has. and to further her obnoxiousness she kept rifling through every magazine they had to try to find one she hadnt read. hey asshole if you can't find a celeb gossip mag you havent read i think the real problem there isnt that they dont have one you havent read..its that you have read them all and should probably seek help (i love gossip as much as the next person but really doesnt there come a point when u get sick from reading about other peoples lives...u must really have a bad life if you obsess over othre peoples lives rather than living your own) and to make matters worse this stupid twit faced girl then informs the manicurist she wants to switch her color "to be obnoxious as possible" her words not mine. so she proceeds to get the loudest brightest pink she could find. Hunny you dont need a color to be obnoxious you are already accomplishing that by just opening your mouth and existing. This girl truly sucked and if i ever see her again i am gonna have to run the other way cuz otherwise i will probably hit her in the facey.Yes i know i suck too but at least i try to keep my crazy under wraps while this girl was full out celebrating hers... So yeah maybe i am not the most girly but i will take acting like a dude anyday over acting like an asshole girly girl any day.

...and all i really want right now is to be unconscious...

2010-05-24T18:38:00.000-07:00

So today i decided to get up at the ass crack of dawn and go to an audition at the equity building (after not having slept all weekend might i add)this particular audition was only for equity members so i figured it was going to be crowded i got in the line an hour and a half before the sign up and was welcomed by a shit ton of people who had the exact same idea as me. I decided I would wait in the line and see. I waited around to see if maybe i would get lucky. i was like number 87 and there were only 54 slots. so yeah i got up and waited around for nothing. So just out of curiosity i asked the monitor what time the first person got in line just so that if i decided to go back the next time they have them i would know what time to line up. Well apparantly the first person got there at 1:30. Ok you pyscho path i get that you wanted to get seen but don't you think that's a little extreme.( At that moment i wanted to find that person and punch him for being a dumbass and then i realized maybe he was on to something cuz he actually got a slot..fick me) So as me and the guy behind me casually made fun of the 1:30 nut job we concocted a plan (ok he actually concocted the plan and i just eaves dropped) he decided to go to a bar the night before and then after the bar shuts down at 4 go straight to the line. I think that is an amazing plan not to mention it will make waiting a lot more entertaining. Then i decided to look at an apt with some crazy freakshow broker who doesnt speak english refuses to take us to a 2 bedroom apt available for july (even though that is what we called about and what we were under the impression we could see) instead he tells us he has a "loft" that could be converted to a 2 bedroom by putting up a wall...aka a complete shithole in a dilapted building that smelled like a pack of smokers over ran it and then died there. It was like a big room with a little space on top for a bedroom (literally all i kept thinking was how akward it would be to hookup in the loft...so yeah that was an automatic no. i mean i couldnt imagine my new roomate hearing or seeing something that would make him want to burn his eyes out with a poker and vice versa). Then to top off that killer of a day (woops bad choice of words)as i went to get on the subway home i am informed that its not running because someone decided to throw themselves in front of the tracks...ok ive been there ive thought about it too but listen dont actually do it...i mean come on people if you want to kill yourself thats one thing but don't inconveince the rest of us just trying to get home from our sucky days too!!!!

the fastest quickie i ever had...

2010-05-13T13:44:00.000-07:00

get your minds out of the gutter i'm talking about auditions what else. I was sent on a gosee for something or other (at this point i dont even bother to ask questions i just go and hope i can smile big enough to impress whoever i need to so they might want to throw me couple hudred bucks)So i am running to this gosee downtown in between my 2 classes (a body dynamic and voice) and am hoping i can get in get seen and get out realitively quickly...well be careful what you wish for...so i am trying to find this place in the west village on some street i have never heard of (bethane st or something...and if you even think you have heard of it you are a dirty dirty liar...apparantly its by the west side highway and washington st in the cluster fuck that is the west village) so i am frantically running with my 20 million bags in my hand...ok maybe not 20 million but 2 really big ones that kept knocking me in the legs as i am trying to run which is definitley no bueno...i finally find this building and i think ok finally i made now all i have to do is take the elevator up to the 13 floor (yup lucky number 13) and i am home free...um wrong i mean why would it be that easy...no no no.. as i am about to take the elevator i hear the building doorman screaming out here take this..clearly i am an asshole and have my ipod in so i dont think he is screaming to me...so i attempt to get in the elevator and he again is screaming out "come here you need the directions" directions to what...narnia...i mean how complicated could this really be...well allow me to retype the nice little 'directions' they handed me... note the following is exactly what was written down word for word

Directions to 13th fl:
take elevators to the 9th fl.turn right. walk to the end of the hall and turn left do not take the single elevator go to the set of elevators. take either of these elevators to the 13th fl.

Did you all get that. yeah cuz if you didnt then your basically screwed. Doomed to walk the god awful amonia smelling hallways. So after I made it through the maze of hell that they call 'directions' i get up to the room where there about a million other girls in front of me. fine i am used to this. Normally it goes by pretty fast...so they line us up well lucky for me there were 2 girls in front of me the one girl they took like 10 minutes with having her pose in every pose possible and we hear...well we want to make sure you get a good picture..now you can either take this as something really nice like aww they care or your second option is to face the reality and face the music that for some reason or other this bitch is getting special treatment...ok so i am trying to remain calm but let me ask you how do you keep composure when you know you are about to walk into the lions den and get fed to the wolves or in my case you just know you are about to get screwed..(and not in a good way) while this girl is in there apparantly trying to get a good picture one of the guys who is monitoring the line comes out and is like 'ok guys they want to see personality they are gonna hire on personality.' ok this i know i have. I have alot personality hell i have multiple pick which one you want. But how in the world are u supposed to show your personality when you go in after little miss 20 min girl and nobody even looks up at you to aknowledge you (im not even kidding...these people didnt even tell me where to stand they just started snapping away and then it was over) it totally sucked not to mention the fact that i had just had body dynamics (its kind of like an intense stretch class) and my leg would not stop shaking...i probably looked like some nervous crack whore with a serious addiction problem that i was coming off of (they were probably like oh great another strong out poser) i so wanted to yell out i just had a stretch class im not on dope (yeah i said dope what up 1990)...at least it wasnt just me.. as i was getting in the elevator the girl who was standing behind me was like hold the elevator...yeah apparantly everyone after the perfect girl were all the losers and we all knew it...it kind of reminded me of highschool where you run against the popular girl for office and everyone votes for her and you know that was what was gonna happen but you still want to think you have a chance anyway...oh that didnt happen to anyone else...hmmm...

will the whore on the train please get off...oh wait apparently that's me :(

2010-05-10T19:13:00.001-07:00

So I decided to be a good little daughter this weekend and go home for mother's day. I decided to take the train from nyc to dc cuz it was the easiest option. Now for normal people this would be an uneventful instance for me obviously a total shitshow. I always get the creepy weirdos that sit next to me or the overweight people that smell and insist on taking up their seat and half of mine and smushing me up against the window and leaving me no room to breathe. So this particular train was over crowded and might I add late which means lots of grumpy people. So i all these grumpy old people boarding the train looking like they are abt to attack ( the last thing i need is to sit 4 hours on a train next to some ahole business man reading his fing wall street journal or some paper equally obnoxious and looking in my direction seeing my people mag and silently judging me...listen sir...i am already aware I am not as cool as you.. i do not need you grunting at me in disapproval) so i see this teenage boy walking towards me...now i don't necassarily want this kid sitting next to me ( no offense kid i would prefer nobody sitting next to me) but in this situation i figure a teenage kid is better than grumpy old men. He'll just listen to his ipod or iphone or whatever and leave me the hell alone...aaaaHHHHHHHHH wrong!!!! So the first like 2 hours are blissflly uneventful and then the bombshell drops. My cell phone rings and i have to remove my headphones to talk. Before I can put my headphones back on this kid sees an open opppurtunity to chat me up. So he opens with the classic what are you reading (not only does he want to know what I am reading he wants to jnow what it is about.) Fuck no not only do I have to admit that I am reading a chick flick book i now have to describe it to him. awesome!!! (It was a jodi picoult book called handle with care...and yes I like jodi piccoult even if it is girlie) So I think he takes this as an opening to chat me up. For the next two hours I get to hear about his upbringing (half of it i didnt believe cuz most kids like to bullshit just to see if people believe them...and if he was telling the truth then i feel like a giant bitch for making fun) his mom was a crack addict who according to him was a huge slut and doesnt know who the father of his siblings were because she kept sleeping around but thats ok becasuse she was also a a crack addict who gave them up. I also learned she promised to keep him and then she put him in an orphanage when he was 9 and at the age of 11 he was adopted by a christian family who homeschooled him and doesnt let him date. HOwever, he has a secret girlfriend that he is in love with and wants to ask to marry him. (yes it was at this point that i interjected and put in my 2 cents...do not get married at 18 because you are going to change so much in ur lifetime...so just wait...not to mention they have not actually been on a real date because he doesnt have his license yet) He then proceeds to give me love advice on finding a man and he told me to read the book "sex is good lust is not" i swear to god i could not make this shit up. Do I look like a giant sex addicted slut who eats men for breakfast and needs to be saved...apparantly I do. NOthing compares to an 18 year old giving a 27 year old love advice. On the other hand he does have a secret girlfriend(boy on the train -1 point, snarky single liz-0, yeah i'm awesome)so maybe i should have listened. So anyway after he counsels me on "not to worry the one is out there" and "it will happen when you're not lookin fer it" (he was southern) he then gets summoned over by his mom. At this point his mom keeps peering into my seat and staring me down ( at first i think i am crazy but the more i keep glancing over the more i can feel her looking in my direction burning a hole into my skull) he then comes over and tells me he has to change his seat because he is not allowed to sit next to girls alone unsupervised. Clearly this entire family thinks i am the antichrist slut of amtrak whose sole purpose of being on the train is to corrupt their son...cuz thats what i do seduce 18 year olds on a train... On one hand i was relieved that i was not crazy and making up that this women was staring at me and on the other i was scared for my life that this lady was going to come beat me with a baseball bat for looking in her son's general direction...geez lady i was only talking to him not giving him a hand job...

so the moral of the story is keep your single son's away from me because apparantly i look like a slutty man eater who will kill the souls of your children and laugh as I eat them for breakfsst ( well in your face you crazy mom... I don't eat breakfast...ha take that. I win!!!)

screw texts from last night the new thing is drunken facebook wall stories from college

2010-05-02T08:59:00.000-07:00

So I am somewhat of a physcho facebook stalker (hey i have alot of time on my now that I am unemployed) so the other day I was on my sisters facebook and i decided to stalk some of her friends and look at their walls(yeah im a loser!). I came across this one post that someone had posted on one of her friends walls and i thought it was totally hilarious. It reminded me of all my crazy college antics. so yes i copied and pasted it and will share it with you now. It is my version of texts from last night only i call it drunken antics from college...

THis is what the post said:
soo ya know how that boy had my phone the other day? welll when i got it back he goes.. ya you should prob call you mom.. shes worried about you.. i was like WTF you talked to my mom? soo i look at my texts..
mom:how are you today?
boy: shes probably not the best considering she left her phone in my room
mom:Whose room?
boy:Dan and jack at phipsi
soo my mom calls..they talk for 5 minutes... she said he seemed like a nice boy.. a creep.. but a nice boy. he also called back every person that called me that morning.. just chattin away... WHO DOES THAT?!@##&

My question is I wonder what sucked worse the hangover or the lecture by 'mom'. Basically this dude just told this girls mom he hooked with her daughter...um akward.. or maybe they were just studying...

Will the peppy people please STFU....

2010-04-29T15:05:00.000-07:00

So today I went on a go see for a promo that spike tv is doing to advertise the 30th year anniversary of the Empire strikes back...and in honor of that they are playing a star wars marathon...the promo for this is going to be an 80s aerobic spoof where the storm troopers come in and decide to do aerobics...sounds thrilling i know... they wanted me however to audition for the aerobics instructor not the 80s chicas taking the class...I am thrown into the littlest hallway ever with a million of the most annoying peppy girls all decked out in 80s garb ready to get their on with a storm trooper...all of them being snobby and stand offish...trying to out do each other with their ridiculous(might i add tacky) 80s garb...i literally wanted to stab myself..and p.s why is it if you have an appt time you are still made to wait like 45 min only to have the casting director forget about you and then make you wait even longer...yes that happened to me. Finally after waiting what seemed like an eternity with these cracke out skipper (u know barbies younger sister) wanna bes...it was finally my turn to go in and make a complete asshole out of myself (you know how when you walk into a room and you automatically feel that no matter what you do these people are going to hate you...yeah that was my feeling) I walk into the room with 3 other girls...one of which also happens to be named elizabeth...how convenient...and instead of the casting director referring to us by our whole names to distinguish between us and let us know which one of us he was talking to he just blankly yelled out elizabeth and then would akwardly stare at us expecting us to just know who he was talking to...to make matters worse..he kept prouncing my last name with an extra i so i became "elizabeth izzio" (thanks u illiterate a-hole). So in this particulary aud we were asked to jump around doing aerobic moves...each of us had to come up with one and then make the others do whatever ridiculous bullshit we could think of on the spot...the other elizabeth apparantly couldnt think fast enough and she def did the exact same thing i did (im not making fun of her...cuz i have been in that akward position where u get all nervous that people are staring at you...and your brain goes to mush and you become some weird vegetable like person of your former self). Then on top of that they had us disco dance like we were in the 70s ( yeah i did the shopping cart and the disco finger hip move...i dont even know if that is 70s but i rocked it like it was the last dance move ever and i was trying to save the planet with it...needless to say they were not impressed...They "kindly" released me and the other elizabeth and asked the two other girls to stay...I get a big fat F for that one...i mean it is never good when people just akwardly stare out you like you are a big fat waste of their time...at this point you make think i am being really self deprecating and hard on myself..but i assure you i am not...when you go on enough of these things you learn to feel out the room and some casting directors are better than others at hiding the fact that you are a big fat waste of their time...these guys on the other hand did not seem to have that problem...

if you insist on treating me like a child...at least give me my afternoon snack!!!

2010-04-22T12:26:00.000-07:00

So about a week ago i got a lovely little note in the mail from the ny state dept of labor summoning me to a meeting to discuss my unemployment status and how to get back into the job market and get that "dream job" I have always wanted. (note the sarcasm) ok so basically there was like 50 of us shoved into a tiny little room all looking like we wanted to pull our brains out through our noses...it felt like we were all in trouble waiting to get called into the principles office and yelled at. I just loved getting lectured about how to find the career that is right for me on a sunny thursday afternoon, don't you? It literally was the most boring hour of my life (it was supposed to last 2...wtf are you gonna tell me for 2 hours that i can't find out myself on the internet...) they passed out these fliers on what websites to look for jobs at and all the free soul sucking i mean plain free seminars to go to so you can get more boring pointless information that you can find yourself...after they passed out like 20 some odd pages they then proceed to talk to you like you are in kindergarten and explain things that you can read yourself...seriously...and then after that excitingness they show you an awesome automated powerpoint going over...guess what...the exact same thing the lady just sat explaining for 20 minutes that is in those nice little packets she handed out to us...after this guided power point we then were instructed to remain staying seated in our seats( i was half hoping they were going to pass out milk and cookies...i mean if they insisted on treating us like children we should at least reap some benefits of it...) because we were going to be called individuially to meet with our special career counselors to see how we can improve upon our job search...i was like oh god this is going to take forever...luckily they called my name pretty quickly and i jumped up so fast im pretty sure my "counselor" got wind burn. Literally she was like "you jumped up so fast i thought there was a fire...i'll get you out of here so fast" she proceeds to take me to her cubicle print out more websites for me to search for jobs and send me on my way...but not before she informs me that this little meeting is a random selection of unemployed people...awesome just my luck...i thought it was mandatory for everyone who is unemployed but no no no....u r randomly selected to go to the 7th circle of hell...and sit for 2 hours and want to bash your head in...awesome!!!! But hey looking on the bright side with all the paper they gave me I could probably recycle it and make it into a tree or something for my apt

real or fake?...

2010-04-20T17:53:00.001-07:00

and i'm not talking about my boobs...i'm talking about my bags!!!
So in the midst of everything changing around me I was given some friendly advice to go get a hair cut which i desperately needed...(I hadn't had one in like 3 years...seriously) advice i definitly took because lets face it being a broke actress shouldn't be an excuse for bad hair and a slovenly appearance...(how am i supposed to get an acting job if i look like s schlob anyway). So i go to a place down the street from my house determined to come out of there looking like super model (ok well maybe not a super model but at least not looking like death warmed over anymore) so i get into the chair and tell the women what i want and then she asks me the dreaded question on whether or not i want a blow dry...(i always dread this question because yof course the awnser is always yes..who wants to go out on the street looking like pa drown rat. nobody. but i always get anxiety when they ask me this question because i don't want to look like a cheap bastard...but hey blow drys can be expensive...)luckily the women must see the panic on my face and she's like no today is a special there is no charge...i was like sweet..blow dry away my friend... so in the midst of this another stylist who was sitting on the couch (it was a slow day hence the special) and she looks at my bag (the bag in the picture) and was like oh is that a chloe and immediately i go no its an imitation...which happens to be the truth...it is an imitation..but who actually admits that. Most normal people i know would either just smile and say yeah thanks...but no not this winner right here...i dive right in there and lay out all my secrets on the line...i wasnt even suave enough to be like no its fake...(cuz ya know saying imitaion makes it sound so much classier). However, i didnt want this women to think i was a hyprocrite and think that i was too cheap for a blow dry but that i can afford a chloe bag...

behind the scenes...literally...

2010-04-17T11:51:00.001-07:00

I finally was able to get my shizz together enough to make a film and put it on my reel...here are a few behind the scenes videos of what was going on in between takes...and i literally mean behind cuz half of the first video is just matt's ass bcse he did not want to be filmed and put on the blog...(sorry abt that matt) we had a def good time...so enjoy the crazyness...

grouchomonger

2010-04-14T11:28:00.000-07:00

No I did not meet Kelly catrone however i did meet a voiceover casting director who i assumed would be besties with kelly if they ever met considering she acted just like her. (Meaning she seemed to have that hard edge slightly pissed off annoyed quality)This v.o casting women acted like she was just coming off a huge fight with her x and wanted to be anywhere else but there. I kept thinking ok maybe she is really a nice lady but jeesh she had an attitude a mile away. I kept thinking who pissed in her cheerios to make her so grouchy. Then i thought..oh crap i wonder if this is how people's first impression of me is, Slightly offput by my bitchiness(cuz you know its all about me in the end..jk) and if it is will someone please tell me so i can change this immediately. This is definitely not an attractive quality to have at all. I don't want people to meet me and they automatically think i am a bitch and then be scared of me (like i was of this woman) holy hell i couldnt run out of there fast enough. I did my voiceover thing in the booth took her adjustments then promplty left for another appointment aka going to meet one of my friends and grab a drink or several and drown my sorrows from that horrific experience...

on a side note...i was watching the real housewives of nyc last week and all the ladies were trying to cast models for brooklyn fashion week and kelly made a comment about how she felt bad for the models because she knew what it was like to have people akwardly stare at you and judge you...i would like to say for the record that I totally agree with this because just because you say you are a model doesn't a) necessarily mean that you are a working model and have oodles of money and b)even if you are a working model it doesnt make it any less akward to have random people staring at you...people look at models and actors and prob think" boo hoo i feel so bad for you..rough life..are their diamond shoes to tight?" but let me just say acting and modeling is a completely different ballgame then actually acting or modeling...so yes auditioning is an akward experience and anyone who doesnt think so should try it some time....

lost my job but found my faith...or something like it

2010-04-12T10:57:00.000-07:00

So you're probably wondering why I haven't written in a long time...Well I guess I'm just trying to figure out what the next step is for me...as most of you know I got fired after 5 years...Yes... I did get fired for writing my blog...no I am not bitter...because if you have read my past blogs you will know that that place was toxic for me so it is best that I am no longer there...it brings up an interesting point though of what is next for me. I have absolutely no clue...but its weird because for the first time in my life i have no idea where i am going or what will happen to me...ironically i have developed a deep rooted faith that everything will will work out because it has to there really is no other option. I lost my job but i gained faith in God that he will lead me out of this and into something so much better...out of the most hopeless situations it is then that i must have the most faith that things will work out because in the end i really have nothing else but my faith to go on...so while this is a very scary time for me its also really exciting to see things in my life change in ways that I can't even imagine. So keep reading to see how God is about to change my life.

Temping....

2010-03-29T06:55:00.000-07:00

So I started temping this week...and let me tell all of you how much temping sucks. I mean its not that its hard work or anything most of it is pretty mind numbing stuff...like awsering phones and taking messages...why do i think it sucks??? Because you have people you don't know staring at you looking at you like you have 5 heads pretty much thinking you are an idiot...It's a weird environment because I am really competent (at least I like to think so....) and temping just makes you feel like no matter how competent you are you are still doing things wrong (well maybe not all people feel this way but i definitly do)... So i get to my temp assignment and its pretty much a firm of all guys and one girl...the guys expect you to awnser the phone and then yell to them from across the room that they have a phone call (not even kidding) and then they just stare at you and grunt like cave man... ok if thats how you want to play it...should i just tie a note to an end of the rock and throw it at you...would that be better...and i just love getting emails saying..."don't expect them (meaning the guys) to aknowldege you but smile at them and be friendly"...does this sound like the 1950s to anyone else? "Don't speak unless you are spoken to...but remember to always keep a smile on...make your man feel happy comforted and reassured"...I'm sorry is he a person or a puppy and why for the love of God do I have to be his ego boost...what about my ego boost pal...it's not all daisies and roses for us gals all the time either...(sorry to go on a diatribe but i am so not a big advocate of stroking a man's ego...prob why i don't have one...but i'm sorry homey don't play that...I am just not that type of gal)...anywho back to temping...I definitly feel out of place...to give an analogy it is like I am the anne hathaway charactar in the devil wears prada (pre-chique) when she starts working at runway and looks like a geeked out drown muppet who doesn't fit in...and can't leave the desk to pee...yes that was me the other day...I sat at the little desk for like 7 hrs straight because I was afraid to get up and pee and leave the phones unattended...(i'm not joking) ok at this point i realize maybe its me...I should prob seek help...but then if i did what in the world would I write about...

I went to a premiere!!!! Thank you Roevely :)

2010-03-23T15:49:00.000-07:00

So Last night I went to the premiere of Tyler perry's "why did I get married too!" (yes i know i am white)...it was the first premiere i was ever invited too so i hopped on that bandwagon and let me tell you it was an amazing experience to be in that environment and it def transcended all color boundaries completely. I got invited by my friend roevely who was invited by Janet Jackson...yes actually by Janet they are friends and no i am not making any of this up...(more on that in a sec)...So anyway roevely and I get to the premiere walk past the red carpet ( I am totally gawking i'll admit it...i was most surprised to see a bunch of chicas from americas next top model there..).i just kept thinking holy shit I am so close to a red carpet and next time i am this close i will be on it...anyway as i am shameloessly staring and trying to walk obviously it was not working and i almost walked directly into caroline rhea (an actress who was on sabrina the teenage witch and also a bunch of other shit I am sure and she took over for Rosie O'donnnell after she quit her show) and the first thought that went running through my head was oh cool its caroline rhea and my next thought was awesome another white girl will be in the audience with me... So anyway after i almost trip over her i compose myself and roevely and i get our tickets and proceed into the theatre...(okay i'm sure if you are a normal person you realize that everything at a premiere food and drink wise is free... I apparantly am not that smart..so they had all these sodas and fancy shmancy snacks and i like an idiot am scared to get something for fear that someone might see me and accuse me of stealing (i felt like an 8 year old again no joke) so finally i was like fuck it im just gonna go...so i am like the only one grabbing for food and drinks obviously and this woman is standing next to me staring...(at which point im like oh great im caught they are probably like 20 bucks each and now i am screwed) so i turn to this woman casually and am like they are free right...and she just stared at me and was like...uh yeah and gave me a weird look ( okay lady sorry you have been to so many premieres and this is old hat for you...i just dont want to be the one that gets screwed on a 20 dollar soda...hey you never know) so at this point i take my shit and run to my seat with roevely. He sees a bunch of his future teachers (aka janet jackson teacher...more on that in a sec) and decides to go say hi. So I am sitting there just thinking how cool it is to be here and all the sudden this really familiar guy sits behind me with his fam and as people pass by they are like yo whats up rev...i turn to see who they are referring to...it is reverend al sharpton...i shit you not...again two things are running through my head 1) holy hell i hope he doesnt find out i talked shit about him when mj died (micheal jackson) cuz you know i am sure the 'revs' top priority is little white italian girls from the upper east side... and 2) i was like holy shit i am sitting in front of the rev meaning i have a better seat!!!! So right after i get over the shock of seeing him i look up and to my amazement see another white girl...at first glance she just looks like kind of an overmade up hooker/blowup doll with kind of orangy skin and then i realize holy hell that is probably coco ice t's wife and sure enough right behind her is iceT. It was crazyness and just for the record her boobs are not as big as they look in pics but her but def is and she is prob around my height or a lil taller...anyway so then tyler perry introduces his film and speaks about it and then points out how nice it is to have mya angelou in the audience...(she is sitting like 3 rows behind me) fucking mya angelou...again i keep thinking inapropriate things and i turn to roevely and im like that is so weird cuz i just saw oprah talking about her that day and talking about a lesson mya angelou once taught her "when people show you who they are the first time believe them" (such a true statement) and here she is mya angelou (not oprah...although gayle king was there her bff)... The whole experience was so amazing and surreal. I cannot tell you how crazy it is to be sitting in an audience watching a film with all of the people in that said film...It was such a great experience and the movie was actually really good!!! So after the movie Janet motions over roevely to say hi and then roevely introduces me!!!! He is like oh janet i want you to meet my friend liz and she was like oh its so nice to meet you...and i was like (in my head of course OH MY GOD!!!! IT IS SO FUCKING AMAZING TO MEET YOU... and of course my second thought...(my brain was working overtime last night obviously ... i don't think i have ever had so many thoughts in my brain ever)HOLY SHIT I AM ONE DEGREE AWAY FROM MICHEAL...) i was like its really great to meet you you were wonderful in the film...which she was...u got to give it to the girl she was filming it in the middle of her brother dying... So anyway we went to the after party where roevely continued to hob knob with janet and meet tyler perry and i of course shoveled my face in with food. The waiters kept coming by with these little mini fudge cakes i had about five...yeah thats how i role (lets be honest none of the skinny americas next top model bitches were going to eat them...so i decided to eat for them...) OveraLL It was the most amazing night of my life and I can't thank roevely enough for taking me.

I'm sure at this point you are all wondering how the fuck does this kid no janet...well pay attention kids there is a lesson hidden in all of this... A few months ago janet's assistant terry was calling around to a bunch of different movie theatres to see if they would let janet just go as a 'regular person' to see a movie and if they could just take her in the back way and not make a big fuss about it...most of these movie theatres said no. So then terry ended up going to roevely's movie theatre (he manages one of the amcs in nyc) and said i have a client who wants to come see a movie she is kind of high profile but she doesnt want a big fuss could you help her..(at this point roevely did not know it was janet) he was like sure i'll help you...terry was then like ok its janet jackson... So thats how they met...and when she wants go see a movie she will call roevely...(janet also knows he is an actor and called her personal acting coach to coach him) anyway the point is this....last night we were talking to her assistant terry and roevely was like thank you so much for doing this for me...how can i ever repay you you dont know what this means to me...and terry simply said "this is nothing...we were happy to do it...pay it forward and show someone else kindness..." she went on to say that roevely was the only one who would help her when everyone else told her know and it was that little kindness that he showed to her and janet that meant all the world to janet bcse she never has the opportunity to just act like a regular person and him doing that for her meant everything... So the moral is this...(don't be jerks..jk) its so much better to be kind and helpful because you never know whose life you will change....

mmmmmm........food......

2010-03-15T08:04:00.000-07:00

So friday night I had the pleasure of going to a read-thru for this awesome film im lucky enough to be part of... It was superfun and everyone there was super cool and chill. Im so excited to be part of this its gonna be awesome... So anyway the director ordered a bunch of pizzas for us to munch on before we had our read thru. (Now if you know me as I have said many times before I will do anything for food.) So that being said I am clearly that fatass of the group who goes up there first and starts to chow down. In the past I have been a little bit more shy about being the first one to grab food but screw that i have since learned you snooze you lose.(Luckily the girl sitting next to me also jumped up and started housing food with me. I took an instant liking to her when she looked at me and goes "would it be wrong if i took two"...i was like "i was thinking the same thing". Hey a girl's got to eat and I am not embarrased to admit i love food. (I am so not like those skinny bitch actresses you read about in magazines who like work out like a maniac and maybe once a week have a hamburger or something and then feel so guilty about it they have to use some wierd fatburning pill or something to get rid of the "weight" they think 1 frigin cheeseburger has put on them.) I love carbs and am not afraid to admit it. If they ever interviewed me (well if they gave me free food i doubt they would get a good interview because i would probably have my head buried in my plate shoveling in food. Not even kidding...)they would probably run away scared and then probably print something about how i was some weird bulomic on a binge or something. What people need to realize is being an actor alot of the time means you can't really afford to eat...see the ramen post. My coworker(who is not an actor but gets paid equally as crappy as i do) has gotten the cheap lunch down to an art. Peanut butter crackers a banana and a drink for 2.75. Too bad i hate peanut butter :(

The other thing i learned about myself at this read thru was that i can be a really judgemental bitch. There was this one girl there that for some reason looked so familiar but i couldnt figure out from where. She was totally presentable and put together and looked like a frigin model (let me point out that it had been raining all day..so for someone to look that good is just unnatural in my opinion. I on the other hand looked like a drowned rat mixed with a wet poodle) I instantly decided she was probably a freak of nature and a really big bitch. Wow turns out I am the really big bitchface. This girl could not have been nicer or sweeter and it turns out we know mutual people (who are all really awesome)so the moral of the story is i should get off my high horse because i could have missed out on an oppurtunity to get to know a really cool girl.(Let me also point out that i am soo not God's gift so i really have no place to talk. or even be judgemental.I'm frankly surprised people dont talk about me more considering i have diarhea of the mouth and no filter so i will say whatever i am thinking...hence this blog...)

Would the girl who looks like snooki please sit her ass down...

2010-03-12T05:49:00.000-08:00

So Yesterday I saw a post about an audition for a commercial for a skin company. They said they were looking for people between the ages of 25 to mid 30s. While I am about to be 27 (Yes its true) I def still look at max 17 or 18. But i figured what the hell. I'll send my picture its a paying gig the worst they can do is not respond. To my surprise the guy was like "great, come on in I'll see you later today". I was shocked but was like ok what the hell I'll go. (I'll pretty much do anything for an extra buck...within reason...eh who am I kidding i'll pretty much do anything for a buck). So I get to this casting (p.s I literally had to walk through a gang of ghetto thug kids to get there- the building was next to a middle school. Let me point out the fact that you are a 12 year old pimply faced hoodrat. You are not cool by hanging outside of your school talking to some other equally ghetto hoodrat in a 1990 toyota taking up the sidewalk and pull up your pants i do not want to see your ass crack what are we living in the 1990s again wiggers are dead you dumbass. I may be a 100lb girl but i have a lot of rage so your choices are get out of my way or i will knock you out...) So anyway I get to this casting walk in and see that everyone there is a lot older than me. Part of me wants to run the other way ( i do not want to embarrass myself infront of these casting people and walk in the room and they just look at me like what the f are you doing here... didn't you read the breakdown...I have had this happen to me and it's not pretty...but in my defense you saw my headshot and you were the one who called me in so really maybe you are the one with the issue..hmmm?) but the other part of me just had my voiceover teachers voice running through my head...sometimes you maybe the odd ball out but that can be good because sometimes they don't know what they are looking for and if you're different maybe you can bring something different to the table and they realize they want you...sometimes they don't know what they want. (and sometimes they do as previously mentioned and you end up being the akward odd ball out and then you are screwed!) however, his voice stuck in my head so I stayed I just kept thinking maybe i may not be right for this but who knows they may like me enough to keep me in mind for something else. (see see what i did there i turned a negative experience into a positive one...maybe i really am growing up..lol). So anywho I stayed and was trying to not let the fact that i was the ugly duckling in a sea of swans (so to speak... i was the odd one out) try to bother me. Then walks in snooki(well not really snooki but a girl who looked almost exactly like her and was def as annoying). This girl was so obnoxious i wanted to reach over and punch her in the face. Ok I just took a voiceover class I get it. It is important to read material allowed so you can hear how it sounds and you don't get jarred when you walk in the room by the sound of your own voice. However, it is not necessary to walk 2 ft away from me and go in the vestibule that echoes and talk as loud as you possibly can and disrupt the rest of us waiting. Go the fuck outside!!!! Not to mention that she had the sniffles (also i get it the weather is changing it happens...but blow your frigin nose do not sniffle directly in my ear...i only have patience for so long and then i will knock you out...again i have a lot of rage) and every two seconds in between her obnoxiously repeating the copy she would stop to sniffle and hack...ewww gross sick...i do not want whatever disease you are sellin thank though. Why can't people just be normal and conscientous of the fact that other people are around them?? ( I get the fact that some actresses are psycho and try to psyche other people out but really haven't you learned being annoying and bitchy only hurts you in the long run?) Anyway I think it went pretty decent...we will see. Check back for updates :)

The almost splat

2010-03-07T10:02:00.000-08:00

Ok so i had a pretty fantastic low key weekend. I saw a bunch of really awesome shows and just had a nice little liz date on saturday walking around the city by myself. Its amazing to me that I have been here for almost 5 years (YIKES!!! I'm old :( ) and don't really ever get to enjoy the city. Friday i saw one of my friends in a reading which was hilarious! Saturday night i went to see a really awesome show. Its at theatre lab 137 w 14th st its put on my the dalliance theatre group and its called who is jordan bishop. Its basically short little scenes strewn together and every scene has to do with the mystical jordan bishop. It was so well done and really entertaining. and my friend was brilliant as always. On my way to see said show I was walking to the subway and I happened to pass by a fire station. You know how in your head sometimes you think things and then because you are thinking about them sometimes they happen...yeah this was the opposite of that. So I'm walking by the fire station and the fire truck was pulling in for the night with all the firefighters standing outside. So i start staring at the firemen thinking yeah i could see why people have fantasies about firemen. So as i'm walking slash shamelessly staring to see if there are any hot firemen i see one of them staring back at me. Now i'm thinking this is pretty awesome a firefighter is actually checking me out (let me point out that i have my ipod blasting in my ears and am jamming out to papa roach or something like that....so i can't actually hear anything being said to me....or apparantly see) so he is trying to say something to me and i just nod along you know to acknowledge that i know he is saying something but i can't actually hear him. well he keeps trying to say something and im thinking wow he's pretty persistant i wonder what he is trying to say. so i finally take my ipod out just in time to hear him say (well let's be honest he was shouting) "don't walk, don't walk" because apparantly in my fantasizing state i almost walked into the firetruck that was trying to pull into the station. In fact he was staring at me but not because he was checking me out but because he was probably trying to keep me from going splat in his firestation. awesome liz awesome. First and last time i ever look at a fireman again. Although for all you straight women and gay guys enjoy the picture above. so yeah that about sums up my weekend going to shows and being such a dumbass that i almost got myself run over by a firetruck...

true story

2010-03-07T09:56:00.000-08:00

When i said i had creepers at my office i wasn't lying. The article below is about a guy who used to work on one of my floors....creepy!!!

Bank Robbery Suspect Arrested
Wellington Wansong Charged With Aggravated Robbery
POSTED: Wednesday, February 3, 2010
UPDATED: 9:47 am CST February 3, 2010

SPRING, Texas -- A man suspected of robbing a Spring bank has been arrested, KPRC Local 2 reported.
SEE IT: Slideshow: Capital One Bank Robbery
Harris County Precinct 4 deputy constable said Wellington Wansong, 45, was seen watching the Guaranty Bank in the 21000 block of Kuykendahl before it opened on Tuesday.
Deputy constables detained the man on suspicion that he robbed the Capital One Bank in the 21200 block of Kuykendahl Road at about 12:15 p.m. on Jan. 23.
Investigators said the man gave a teller a note and made verbal threats. He didn't display a weapon, but he kept his hands inside a black bag during the robbery, officials said.
Officials positively identified Wansong as the suspect in the Capital One robbery.
Wansong has been charged with felony aggravated robbery.

"It's all about faith and a deeper devotion"- Billy Joel

2010-03-04T05:20:00.000-08:00

I am not a super religious freakazoid person and I won't come up to you on the street and hand you a flier saying "repent now or face the eternal flames of damnation" (yes we really have people in ny that hands these fliers out in the subways-especially 42nd st times square in the tunnel by the 7- and on the street corners) and to look at me you wouldnt even think I knew what a prayer is. (I have gone to catholic school all my life...which maybe why people think i am a cyncical unholy unchristlike biatch...suffice to say going to catholic school all those years and being told what to think, how to think, and when to think kind of drives you a little insane and mostly makes you question everything...so as an adult there is alot of stuff about the catholic church i don't agree with). However, I think that every person goes through things in their life whether they are super religous or not that forces them to believe in a higher power. As an actor we are constantly going through ups and downs and definite uncertainties and unknowns. For whatever reason I have felt the turbulence a lot in these past few months and in times when I could be really dragged down and depressed I have found myself looking to prayer and God to get me through. I have definitely felt at the bottom of the barrell scraping the dirt off the floor and thinking im already at my worst i can't get any lower and all i have left to rely on is my faith.Faith that God will protect me and get me through and its weird because even when things seem at their worst for me and i take a moment to pause and say a little prayer thats when things have gotten infintely better.

A while back i was hanging out with someone and i didnt know how much i liked this person until it was over and even though i knew it wasnt right i still couldnt help feeling sad about it because i hadnt had feelings for anyone in a really long time and this person was super awesome... i was pretty bummed about it bcse i was sick of being hurt...but then i realized something...if i cld have feelings for this person like that and open myself up once i will be able to do it again (hopefully) for someone and maybe the next time i do that person will be able to return what i give out...i have faith that someone is out there for me that will be able to make me happy and one day it will be right...so in a way this whole thing was good because it showed me that while it might be extremely hard to want something so much and it not work out it doesnt mean that you will never get it... it just means that i must have faith and believe that there is something better yet to come... I have also applied this principle to my acting...it feels like things are at a standstill right now and its so hard to get anywhere but this is when i think my faith has been the strongest i believe that there is a reason why things haven't happened for me yet and i believe that there is something great out there for me my time just hasn't come yet...I believe...I have faith because at the end of the day i have nothing else to go on and being able to have faith gets me through the day.

I'm def not trying to be preachy or braggy but these things have helped me get through the day so i thought id share just in case you guys find yourself wanting to throw yourself out a window like i sometimes do...have faith cuz i promise it gets you through the rough times...even though its super hard at times...but in my case i think why not...i have nothing more to lose...the only place to go from the bottom is up

creepiers, crazies and weirdos ...oh my...

2010-03-02T05:27:00.000-08:00

NO this is not some bizarre wizard of oz i'm talking about (well maybe it is in some wierd bizarre way but in this case the wizard does not grant your wishes...or in my case give you a raise...instead he gives you more work and makes you deal with more crazies..)it's my office.... My office is filled with the biggest bunch of weirdos and creepers I have ever seen. In this economic downturn my boss seems to have no discretion who he rents office space to because in the end he doesn't have to deal with them the reception team does so he really doesnt give a shit and will rent to any chester molester off the street. Note the picture above while not an actual client it gives a good representation of what they look like and i'm not even joking. He has managed to rent to 1 rapist (yes someone actually got arrested in my office for this) 1 child molester who used to corner us girls and creepily make comments (one time he cornered my friend at the copy machine and when she was like oh im done you can use it he was like oh baby keep going i can stare at you all day...gross) and who can forget kissy mckiss alot... The thing that i find most annoying is people who stare at me while i'm in the kitchen making coffee. It's normally at 8 in the morning when i am alone in the office. these people just akwardly stand and stare.. No hi, good morning, how are you, just people who stand behind me while i am in the kitchen making coffee...(now im not so vain as to think that they are just staring at me...cuz lets face it i have no ass to to stare at) they are probably just impatiantly waiting for me to make them their damn free coffee...(cheapos if you really wanted coffee that bad you could go to the lobby and get it for .50 plus its way better but whatever) that's still rude you could at least say something so that i don't think that you are staring at my ass... I would love to know how some of these people run these companies when it seems like they can't even tie their shoes properly...

although even with the wierdos...this job isnt all bad and i have learned some very important lessons while desperately trying to make return address labels for a client (the writing wldn't fit on the label even when i put it into word mail merged it and selected the correct size labels and shrank the font everytime i would go to print..which was not an easy feet considering my employers pretty much blocked all the fun internet sites with this stupid software that in turn crashes our computer everytime we go to print a word document...nice job assholes...do you know how annoying it is to work on a document have it all perfected and then when you go to print the document crashes and word saves it in some bullshit recovery file and you have to go reformat it again...after like 10 times of this happening i wanted to pull out my hair..even now i think about it and i get raged) but eventually i figured out how to get all the writing on the labels and make it fit perfectly...haha take that computer...liz-1 computer-nothing...in your face you stupid computer..you can't beat me!!! Which brings me to my life lesson i learned that applies in my life to acting...never give up. I am always going to be faced with difficulties and challenges and impossible frigin roadblocks...but never ever give up because as my mother says "there is more than one way to skin a cat" (yeah sick twisted phrase...i know) but if you really want something you will leave no stone unturned until you figure out how to get it. Maybe its my sick will power and determination not to give up...but just like those stupid labels..if i work hard enough i will always be able to figure it out.

I think i saw a ghost...oh wait its just my aunt

2010-02-24T05:44:00.000-08:00

I ran into my aunt the other day.Running into my aunt in the city is more or less like running into the crypt keeper. I'm not kidding. The woman is like in her mid 60s with the face of a 20 year old (yet she refuses to admit she has had a facelift...we all know she has and it is a damn good one too..but still just admit it...her daughter also has had a nose job again a really good one and they refuse to own up to it..Hello i have been in your family since i was born I have the pictures to prove it. I'm not knocking plastic surgery all i'm saying is give up the name of your surgeon lady..from what i can see he is damn good and you never know he might come in handy in the future..hey its no secret i talk about getting a boob job...which i have been talked out of several times by very good friends..and a few guys..and i won't get one... however if this lady gave up the name of her doc i might consider it..) Anyway my aunt lives in ct and most of her kids live in the city (one of them lives literally the next block over from me...but we never run into each other) I never really see them but when i do run into them it's kind of offputting..its like seeing someone from your therapy group in the real world and being all akward and not knowing what to say(not that i take therapy but i prob should)...and that's exactly how i was. So let me paint the picture...I have been working for the past few days in one of my bosses other centers trying to help them figure out some accounting shit (let's pause here for a moment to reflect on how bad liz is at math and how much i fucking hate accounting... I would rather pull my brains out through my nose with a wire hanger than stare at numbers...however if it gets me out of awnsering phones and dealing with clients who have shit for brains then I am all for it literally i am jumping at the chance.. which just goes to show you how much i really fucking hate some of my clients) So I have pretty much been locked in a room staring at numbers for the past few days and I am sure I look like a complete zombie..hair a mess..drool dripping down my face...blood shot eyes...ok prob not that bad..but let's just say im kind of out of it..so me and the girl i have been working with decide to grab lunch in the grand central market (i'm way to poor to afford that but my boss gave me his credit card and told me to get lunch on him...) so we decided to eat something really good(if you have ever been in the grand central market you know some of those places are a little hoity toity and overpriced...so obviously this was the perfect place to run into my aunt) As I am standing talking to my coworker..prob about this shit accounting project...I hear "Lizzie" oh fuck is my first thought...i literally stand parallyzed in fear like a dear caught in headlights with nowhere to run..there is only one person in my life who calls me "lizzie" in that distinct of a tone (it sounds like a a high pitched sing song shreak) and at that moment i know I am screwed...I do an about face and see my aunt standing with my cousin david. I literally blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind which obviously is "what are you doing here...don't you live in ct?" she responds with "i was watching sophia last night" (sophia is her daughters new baby-the one with the bitchy mother in law- see the blog about babies and beer for refernce to that one) we then do the akward hug and kiss and just stare at each other with nothing really of interest to say...all the while i keep thinking wow i have never seen my aunt look so "tired" so she must have been up with the baby all night...and my other thought was...why the fuck isnt david at work...doesn't anybody work anymore..jeesh...so after what seemed like an eternity of staring and akward silence my aunt was like "oh so how are you" and for some reason i decided to go on a diatribe about my busy schedule and all my auds and go-sees (when i get nervous and akward i tend to ramble which makes the situation more akward)-not like she really gives a shit-but just in case she decides to tell my mom (which she prob will) that i looked "tired" (if you haven't caught on "tired in my family is a nice way of saying "you look like shit")I was even like actually i have a go-see today so i have to run (that is the truth i did and i booked it- yay :)) and i got the hell out of there as fast as i could. meanwhile my coworker is just standing there staring and as i run off with her i'm immediately like that's my aunt and cousin do i look ok. If you had see my akwardness you would have thought i had run into a ghost or xboyfriend (lucky for me i dont really have to many of those...)Anyway im sure my aunt is a very nice lady but running into people (any people) when you are not prepared for them is very disarming...

Also The west village sucks!!! don't get me wrong I think its gorgeous and serene but the streets down there (while not as bad as chinatown or the financial) are so f*ing confusing... I was going on this go-see the other day (side note real quick- I actually booked the job-which was not an easy feat considering I couldn't find the place and almost gave up on going)which was on w12th st. I guess if you are a w village afficianado then you would know that w12th is not anywhere near w13th...I like an idiot stupidly assumed like all the other streets in the city the numbers go down in order...aaaaaaannnnnnnn(assume I am making a loud obnoxious buzzer sound here) wrong...no why would it be..i mean the west village is "to good" to go by normal rules...how am i supposed to know w12 doesnt come after w13 but it actually comes after a bunch of named streets like jane. I was walking around like an idiot asking everyone for directions first I asked some asian kids if i was on w12 and they were like "yeah" it wasnt until i walked like a mile in the wrong direction i realized they were assholes... finally some very well to do lady told me where to go...and i found it...to bad nobody told me it was all the way down by the corner of hell and kill me now...aka the west side highway...i'm just chalking the whole experience to being preoccupied by running into the cryptkeeper...woops i mean my aunt...

Subways...and i'm not talking about the sandwich..

2010-02-17T05:52:00.000-08:00

People tend to say that New Yorkers are filled with rage and I can totally understand why. It's probably because most new yorkers take the subway and I swear to god when people get on this thing all of the social consciousness just goes completely out the window and everyone is acting like self centered spoiled brats. Since when does getting on the subway give an excuse for people to act like absolute animals. I mean maybe I'm just more sensitive to people's rude behavior because I'm small and so people tend to push and shove me around more...and yes that makes me more than a little raged out..especially when i am hungover on a saturday and all I am trying to do is not puke on the little asian man sitting next to me picking his nose. Yes that really happens. (and why is it me who always sees this happening it is the most disgusting repulsive thing ever). I swear this weekend really took the cake and everytime i got on the subway this weekend i wanted to jab sharp objects into my eyes or preferably other people. So It's saturday morning at like 9:30ish I and definitely still wasted from the night before, i'm super out of it (can't find my shirt...diff story for a diff day) and i feel like I am going to hurl and am late to meet my scene partner to rehearse for class. (I distinctly remember saying or maybe i was just thinking it as I was two vodkas deep and on my way to a third..I can't get to wasted tonight I have to meet my scene partner...yeah a lot of good that did me) I am frantically running to the subway (cuz if you live in ny you know on the weekends the subways blow and they come like every 20 min so if you are in a rush like i am you're basically screwed)so lucky me i hear the subway as i am stumbling thru the turn style and start dodging people left and right like a pinball game to make the train...(i don't know why people just dont get the f out of the way...they see you are in a rush and literally they are dawdling like they have nothing better to do than stand around in the nasty smelly subway station all freaking day) anyway as i am running down the stairs this obnoxiously tall man i mean like 7 ft guy is directly in front of me and this asshole is just taking his sweet time getting down the stairs and of course i cant get around him because he is so massive he is taking up the entire stairwell and if that is not bad enough he then casually gets on the train and stands directly in front of the door making it virtually impossible for me to get on ( i'm getting raged out even as i write this) i mean seriously who does that everybody knows when you get on the train to "not block the doors" but apparantly rules dont apply to this giant...but fuck no im not gonna let him snub me from getting on so i have to wait another 20 min..so i do the only rational thing i can think of and take my whole body and throw it into him thinking this will make him move and allow me to get on..wrong..i just look like the asshole shoving this guy...whatever i did end up getting on and i gave this guy the dirtiest look instead of taking a sharp object out of my bag and blugening him to death...jk... and if that wasn't bad enough when i was trying to get off the train apparantly there was a fun little game everyone wanted to play that i was not aware of called "shove liz until she falls down" lemme tell you how super fun getting pushed back and forth by lots of angry smelly mexicans (no offense stef...side note 'mexican showers' do not count as real showers). sunday wasn't much better as it was valentines day and every asshole couple decided to make out on the train...get a room...i do not want to see what every tongue on the upper east side looks like..nor do i want to get caught in the door (again...yes i got caught in the door several times this weekend) by couples holding hands staring into each other's eyes standing in front of the door as i try to get on. Literally sun night I am coming back from yet another acting class and i again am attempting to get on the subway car when these two jerks are holding hands, whispering sweet nothings into each others ears and will not move...i am trying this time not to be rude and as i try to side step and avoid them my bags get caught in the door. So now im basically stuck i'm on the inside of the car my bags are on the outside and the doors keep opening but i cant quite reach around to get my bags out of the door...now everyone is staring at me..cuz i'm that jerk they have to keep opening the doors for before the subway will go..basically at this point the strap of my bag caught in the door is acting like a rubberband holding me up and when i finally do manage to shove my bags from out the door i go flying across the car into some guys lap (no i'm not joking...this all really happened)... so yeah this is my life...loves it

These are my people...This is Where I come from

2010-02-10T07:40:00.000-08:00

This is a video I took of my parents a few weekends ago...for all of you who were wondering why I am such a nutcase...mom and dad take a bow...jk they really are good people and without there help I would not be where I am.

My wedding nightmares...no really

2010-02-09T06:38:00.001-08:00

I couldn't bring myself to post a real picture of married people or weddings...

So I have this recurring nightmare about getting married (not that I am getting married anytime soon...I can't even find a date) but periodically throughout my life I have had these really terrifying dreams about weddings. I think it all started off when i was about 5 or 6 and my mom had her friend make me a bride costume. Most 6 year old girls love playing dressup and dream about the day they get married... not me...I hated this costume and would cry everytime my mom tried to make me wear it... (I'm pretty sure I am now traumitized for life...Thanks mom...)Think carrie from sex in the city and that episode where miranda tries to take her into the bridal shop to try on really ugly dresses as a way of some type of "therapy" and then carrie breaks out in hives...yeah that would be me. Anytime anybody mentions the word marriage ore weddings close to my name in a sentence i get nausious. I went to my cousin Lauren's wedding two years ago and ended up getting violently ill and puking everywhere...(and no I was not intoxicated I barely drank because my very adult cousins and I were placed at the kids table in the kitchen with the staff...true story...but that is a different blog for a different day).

So what exactly is the recurring nightmare that I have when most little girls are dreaming of their perfect day (I'm getting puky just typing that)well basically it always starts out the same way me walking down the aisle and some variation of me turning and running as fast as I can the other way and never going through with it. Some of the dreams also include as an added bonus me throwing things at the altar and screaming. One of these such dreams included me throwing my wedding band into a fire on the altar and running out the side door another one took place in some weird shakespearen era and included me walking with about 5 ladies in waiting ( back in the day as you know ladies in waiting were there to protect the bride from any possible danger)through a castle to a field on a hill and when i got to this grassy knole i took my headpiece made of flowers through it on the ground stomped on it and went running the other way and my ladies in waiting had to take me through the secret passages in the castle and hide me. Yes these stories are all true. If that doesn't put you off getting married i dont know what would.

so why am i bringing this up...it just seems like lately i have been hearing alot about weddings and people getting married...(maybe because valentines day is just around the corner) but this morning on the radio i heard this women call in and say that she knew of at least 3 people who went through with the wedding when they know they should not have. This literally is my worst fear ever...having to go through with something knowing that its wrong...it gives me that icky gross feeling all over...and then the radio host said something pretty intellegent...he said people forget that when they go through with a wedding they are actually getting married and supposedly commiting to each other for the rest of their lives but people get so wrapped up with the planning of the wedding and this great big party they often forget that. I give this host mad props for saying this because i think it is absolutely true... People should be more focused on their life together that lasts forever than a party that lasts a few hours...My point is if I ever do decide to enter into a marriage with someone...im prob gonna elope (its prob way easier and i hate planning things) so don't be offended.

also if anyone knows of a good therapist to work out these issues...jk..

a lesson in life or something like it...

2010-02-04T11:20:00.000-08:00

So you are probably wondering why I have a picture of ramen posted today. Well my friends the simple answer to that is because I eat ramen kind of a lot. Why? because when you are trying to make it as an actor/actress and are dead broke sometimes ramen noodles are your only option. How does this relate to life? Well in the past few months I have seen people that I more or less started out with, who were basically in the same position as me (living in a small ass apt with a million other people, surviving on ramen, splurging on dollar pizza...you know its sad when you get excited that you can actually afford a slice of pizza in manhattan) become extremely successful. Like I'm talking movie with meryl streep successful. I think this is awesome for them (and No i am not trying to sound like a negative nancy follow me on this one there is a light at the end of my sarcastic tunnel). My point is anything can happen in this crazy acting world. Oneday you are eating ramen in the dark because your electricity has been turned off becuase you can't afford to pay your bill (i kid things havent really been that bad) and then next day you are in a movie with meryl streep and those ramen and ratholes are just a distant memory. Why do i keep bringing up meryl streep (besides my obvious gay man obsession) because over christmas i went to see meryl streeps new movie with alec baldwin and one of the girls that plays her daughter i actually know. I did my first ever student film with her through nyu when i moved to the city 4 years ago. Alot can happen in 4 years...she is now doing a major motion picture...i'm still eating ramen...(i kid i kid) things have been progressing I finally got an agent which is a big deal and maybe in the next four years ill be making a movie and some other chica can blog abt me...lol...

So in conclusion sometimes life can kick you down and spit on you (and "so can a homeless man" according to my friend stephanie) but when that happens pick yourself up dust yourself off and move on. One of my sorority sisters gave me a good quote today (yes i was in a sorority) "When life throws lemons at you, ask for some vodka and make some lemon drops" thanks gigi :)

"Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it." I'm just trying to make it one day at a time and Godwilling one day my time will come :)

It's a little early for valentines...but i hate that stupid holiday anyway

2010-01-29T09:09:00.000-08:00

I really hate valentine's day and maybe that's just because I have never been in a relationship and experienced this holiday with a significant other...none the less I think its stupid. Why do you need one day to show your love shouldn't you be doing that every day??? Anyway I thought I'd share some of my run ins with the phrase " I love you". I promise it's all true. I mean who could make this shit up anyway.

I guess the phrase "i love you" is supposed to be nice and stuff i'm not really sure though cuz no one has really said it to me in a real way.( NO mom you don't count...and stef I know you love me but I am talking strictly about the opposite sex). I was thinking about it the other day and i think my run ins with this phrase have been quite humorous so I thought i'd share the akwardness for all to enjoy.

The first time I can remember someone saying this to me was my "boyfriend" in college.... well really over the summer between my freshman and sophmore year of college.. (we had only been dating like less than 3 months)On this particular awesome day he was picking me up and we were driving someonewhere ( i thik dc or something like that...) when he pulls the car off the side of the road into a ditch and turns to me and says i have to tell you something (ok now mind you he was about 6'2 and i'm only 5'1 and a half...)so at this point i'm thinking oh shit this can't be good he's prob gonna stab me...so as i frantically scan the car for the easiest way to jump ship if he comes at me with a heavy object...when he blurts out "i love you" What????? Ok a blunt object i could probably handle at least i would have been able to defend myself...but i love you totally unfamiliar territory to me. Now if you know me at all you know that i have no filter in my brain so the first thing that pops into my head I will say. So when he says 'i love you' i basically try to hold in my uncomfortable laughter and tell him 'you don't love me...you can't possibly love me...you barely even know me' to which he is adamant and responds 'no i know how i feel. i really love you' To most girls this i guess would be romantic to me i had to hold in the puke. For the next month i was with him i had to endure the endless barage of "i love you's" while i akwardly would say 'um thank you'. It really wasn't meant to last and when i broke up with him he put a curse on me (i'm not even kidding "he said i hope god forgets about you and all bad things happen to you and your family" yeah i guess he really did LOVE me...pyscho)

Incident #2. I had been hanging out with one of my friend's brother's best friend for a few months. He was pretty awesome and chill and we generally had a really fun time together. Without getting into detail things happened and i decided it would be best if we stopped hanging out...Well in the midst of me trying to explain to him that I thought it would be best if we stopped seeing each other he decides to tell me "i love you"...umm could there not have been a more inapropriate time to say this...and further more if this is really how you did feel why didn't you say something before???? or if you didnt want to say anything before why say something now...just keep it in buddy cuz you aren't winning any prizes with me for that one...

And the final humdinger happened a few weeks ago with my personal favorite the accidental "i love you" ( i really hope the person who said it isnt reading this becuase he really is a super nice guy and i know it was a total accident that slipped out of his mouth and he probably doesn't even realize he said it. I am not offended by this at all i just think it is kind of funny). So without getting into to much detail I had been hanging out or something like that with this guy for for like a few months and a few weeks ago we stopped hanging out. He needed to to take care of himself and get his life organized( something I totally understand...sometimes you need to focus and priortize and adding another person to that equation can make it virtually impossible...I'm an actor so i totally understand what its like to have to make life choices and sacrifices to reach your ultimate goal... and let me reiterate he is a really awesome guy so i am not trying to offend him by saying any of this.) So anyway in the midst of our convo he was like "none of this has anything to do with you. I think you are an awesome girl and I love hanging out with you..really you are so great i always have the best time with you..i love you you are amazing...granted he def didnt mean it like in the "i love" you romantical sense...I just think its funny when people don't know what to say and that pops out.

Anywho those are some of my experiences ( i find them quite amusing) if anyone else has an intersting experience holla at me and let me know..

let's try this again...

2010-01-28T13:05:00.000-08:00

Finally i figured out how to upload this... Ok so this is a little glimpse into my life and my struggles of what it feels like sometimes to be pursuing this dream of acting.

aud aud aud...

2010-01-28T12:11:00.000-08:00

So in light of the fact that I cant get my videos to upload (yet) i am posting an adorable picture of puppies. It will act as a juxctaposition to the raged out rant I am about to go on.
Monday I went to audition for an EPA(an equity principle audition) now most of these "open" calls are in fact fruitless because they have already been cast, and the only reason you go on them is to be seen by a casting director who maybe will remember you in the future. Its a crap shoot but you go because of the possibility that maybe something will happen in the future...because lets face it if you don't go nothing will ever happen. ok so never the less I went to one of these calls, however, this call was different because it was non-required meaning that equity does not make them hold auditions as it usually does...which if i break it down means that non-required calls are actually looking to cast people from auditions and required calls arent. Ok so i go to this "non-required" call and i think i did a pretty good job. Well the next day I am doing a little research on the show and low and behold I come up with a cast list. How is this possible you ask that they cast so fast. I mean I literally auditioned less than 12 hours earlier and they already have a cast...i find that pretty suspect. so i do some more research and see that the cast had been previously set...now follow me on this one...that would make this particular call "required". Ok what exactly is my point. Most auditions you go on for equity you more or less know what you are getting into but you choose to go there anyway becuase you want to be seen by a casting director as i have said before. It is your choice to waste your time or not... however when i go to something that is not required you expect to get looked at and a fair shot. Clearly this was not the case. WTF??? why waste your time and others on the premise that you are looking to cast someone if you are not or at least be up front about it like everyone else. But to pretend to give people a chance and then yank it away is just plain cruel... Ok so obviously it has been a rough week acting wise...this is how it is though...somedays you are on top of your game and everything is going right and others just suck...i guess im willing to go through the suckage though to eventually get to the good stuff...someday soon hopefully..

there's no insurance for papercuts...

2010-01-27T07:49:00.000-08:00

So as you know trying to be an actress doesn't always pay the bills (and trust me living in nyc there are a lot of them)and my job doesn't really afford me extra spending money, especially in this economy when people are leaving our center left and right. (Side issue really quick My bosses seem to think it is the receptionist and we need to be friendly to keep people here...let me tell you i could be as friendly as a georgia peach and prostitute myself to these people...which at time i think my boss wants me to do...he did once tell me to actually go into clients offices and touch them..yeah like physically touch them...i don't know what he was insuinating there...once i told my manager that he acted more like a pimp than a boss. Think about it he "rents" me (this was a phrase one of his assistants actually used. she told a client they could "rent" me for 40 dollars an hour) out to client to do there "secretarail" work or "whatever" else they need for $40 bucks an hour and I see maybe $7 or $8 dollars if that. So basically I am doing all the work and he is taking all the money...isn't that pretty much how a pimp operates...he makes his ho do all the work... and he takes most of the money and keeps you under his thumb... So okay this is getting back to my original point...stay with me...)

So I have decided to become a smart prostitute...(i'm sorry i mean receptionist) and start doing "side" projects on my own. Legit projects like typing jobs,stuffing envelopes etc...Let me tell you some of these jobs really blow...but I'm not gonna lie i'll pretty much do anything (within reason) to make some extra cash and I get to keep all the money I make. So one of these such jobs entailed typing up a list of addresses into an excel spreadsheet and doing a mail merge onto a letter and then doing a mail merge onto the enevelopes and stuffing and stamping them. It sounds pretty easy and I was pretty excited I actually knew what the hell a mail merge was and how to do it. After I do the entire mail merge and edit each individual letter (137 of them to be exact)the client then decides he wants to change some of the letter and could i please do the mail merge again...mind you i had just gone through editing them...so fine im in a slight rage but keep thinking about the cold hard cash(always got to have your eye on the prize) I do all the letters and merge them again and then get ready to print the envelopes and stuff them. Let me tell you how much it sucks stuffing letters into an envelope (an interesting little fact that I learned.. when you put shitty envelopes through a printer to try and print addresses directly onto them the envelopes may warp and the adhesive may or may not get stuck... meaning that in addition to stuffing the envelopes you may have to find a nice way to peal apart the now sealed envelope due to the heat of the damn printer) needless to say not only did i have to fold 137 letters but i also had to peal the envelope apart to not shred it and my hands now look like when fire marshall bill got his hand stuck in a masher. I also had to lick these envelopes becuase i couldn't find the damn envelope wetter and now my lips are completely numb and my tastebuds are definitly gone...So yeah this is just a glimplse into the glamourous life of me...like i said i'll do anything for a quick buck to bad that buck will probably be used on a little trip to the emergency room to fix my bleeding hands...oh i'm leaving out the best part after I have finished stuffing,licking and stamping all of the envelopes the client then emails me he wants to change the color of his signature on the letter that i just stuffed into the envelope to the color blue to make it "pop" (I told him to f off and die...not really) I sd sorry charlie I just mailed them maybe next time...yeah i lead a glamorous life i know. Don't be JEALOUS!!!!

Confidence...

2010-01-19T06:11:00.000-08:00

Confidence is something that should be innate to all of us yet it's something that I feel most of us struggle with ( or maybe that's just me). I was having a discussion with my roomate the other day about knowing our value and what we are worth and having the confidence in ourselves to know what we deserve and if we don't get it to walk away knowing that we deserve more than that. I am finding that this should be a general rule for all walks of life. There is this amazing girl that I work with who has the best confidence I have ever seen. She values herself so much and believes in herself that she can get anything she wants accomplished because she knows her value and knows that she is worth it and she also has no problem walking away from potentially bad situations having the confidence to know something better will come along. ( i think i need to rub her like the buddha so some of that gets transferred on to me...although I'm sure that would be a tad inapropriate...but this environment isnt the most appropriate so maybe she'd be game...)

Ok so what am i talking about specifically... well... I have been getting sent out on a lot of go-sees lately (aka auditions for models) and the hardest thing about them is to have these skinny bitches look you up and down and silently judge you as you sit there knowing they are silently judging you (i secretly want to show up with a big mac one of these days..ha take that you cotton ball eating gremlins). Ok so I went on this go-see for loreal and as usual I go into it feeling good and confident and then i get there and its like someone pops my balloons and the wind gets taken out of my sails after i see all these other girls there who clearly think they are more experienced and better than me and instead of being confident in myself I let myself get psyched out by them and ultimately suck. (if you have ever seen america's next top model...yes they really are that cut throat and mean. Nobody is friendly,everyone gives you the stink eye, and in front of the camera and the clients they are as fake as can be...maybe i need to take lessons...) Bleh to me. I need to knock that shit off and quick. How do I expect clients to want to book me if i constantly look like a terrified deer in headlights...I am good enough and if i start to think that than other people will to.

On that note I also need to figure out my value in life in general. I shouldn't be willing to give up what I want or what I deserve (and lets be honest accept less) because I don't value myself enough to be treated right and demand the respect I should get because I am worth it. Let me be a lesson to everyone out there...never be willing accept the minimal and give up what you know you should have or what you deserve because of something you think you want. If you find yourself giving up to much of yourself or you are doing all the compromising chances are the situation isn't right and it's not going to work out anyway..However on a positive note every experience is an experience to learn about yourself so in the future you can do better...

ok i'm done with the advice portion of the day...Have a good one :)

I'm back....

2010-01-07T06:18:00.000-08:00

Ok so it's been a while since my last post but to be fair i have been on vacation with limited access to the internet. I hope everyone had a good vacay with limited family drama... I went on a cruise with my mom, my sister aunts uncles and cousins which was a lil bit of drama but a whole lot of fun... Here are the highlights of my trip:

On the last cruise i took (the carnival glory)there was an adult only topless deck. So i was telling my family about it and joking around with my parents that if there was a topless deck i was going on it. My father thought this was quite amusing but the joaniemiester (my mom) not so much. She basically flipped her shit on me(one of many times) and was telling me how embarrassing I am and what a disgrace that would be. She then proceeded to tell me that being naked is a sin. She turns to my sister and I and goes do you know what the greatest commandment is (now i know my mother and her rants so both my sister and I sat quiet..we didn't want to walk into this trap)so then my mom goes "well do you" finally marykate (my sister) jumps in and says "ok mom what is the greatest commandment?" at which point my mother returns with "you shall not have false gods" ok now i may not be a scholar or anything and i may have blocked out my 9 years at catholic school but would somebody please explain to me how you shall not have a false god has anything to do with being naked??? no no you can't cuase it doesnt relate and my mother was obviously making this ish up. So when my sister and I called her out and asked her to please explain how having false gods relates to being naked she couldn't and just kept yelling...well mom if the thought of me going topless gets ur panties in a twist just wait until those pictures surface...i kid, i kid there are no naked pictures of me that i know of (and in an ironic twist if my mom is so against being naked then why god why does she walk around our hotel room naked...bleh...and why does she make my sister and I share one with her...i'm about to be 27 shouldn't i have my own room)

anyway after that debacle it was onto the cruise... now if you are on a boat listening skills are of the utmost importance..you have a cruise director that makes daily announcements or in my family's case you need to be listening when your mother frantically pages your sister because she thinks a) she has been kidnapped or b) she has fallen overboard...why would my mother think this you ask? let me explain...it was the first day on the cruise ship and my sister had decided to sleep in while my mother and I and the rest of our family decided to get breakfast ( eating on a cruise is like a madhouse because when they put out food people stampede like they have never seen food before...its insane... so needless to say this process takes a while especially when there are like 5 thousand people on the same boat as you and they are all crammed into the same buffet line trying to get some eggs). After breakfast my cousins and I decided to go to the spa and I told my mom to go get mary from the room. My mother looks at me and says ok. Simple enough. I leave with my cousins to the spa thinking my mom is going to get my sister from the hotel room ( by the way my mom has my sister's room key so mary can't really leave the room unless she wanted to be locked out). An hour rolls by i get back from the spa and run into my mom by the pool at which point she looks at me and goes "where is mary?" excuse me what??? didn't i ask you to get her from the room and didnt you look at me and say ok??? So then my mom says to me I'm going to the spa go get mary from the room. So i look at my mom directly in the face loud enough for my aunts and cousins to hear and say "ok I will go get mary from the room." I know i mumble sometimes but i thought on that one I was pretty clear. Everybody else heard me apparantly except for my madre because like literally 30 minutes later my cousin (who wasnt there at the time when i told my mom i was going to get mary from the room) comes up to us and goes I just saw your mom she is looking all over for you? What????? I just said i was going to get her. She looked at me and said ok and now she is frantically trying to find her because she went to the room and mary wasnt there?? ok now in normal families I am sure you would try to look around the pool area or something before you get frantic and call the security on the ship and have my sister paged but oh no not my mom she decides in her head that obviously because she went to the room and didnt find my sister that she has obviously been taken by a chester...or thrown overboard (cuz really those are the only two logical options when you are on boat right? not that she could possibly be with the 10 other family members on that boat with u)so less than 10 secs after my cousin comes up to us we hear the loudspeaker come on frantically saying "Mary Izzo dial 777, Mary Izzo this is an emergency dial 777" r u freaking kidding me right now. So my sister has to call down where this women proceeds to yell at her and tell her she needs to report to the main area immediately her mother is very worried about her. I walk my sister down to the main area where my mother is standing with 2 security guards. I am dead freaking serious. My sister and I just look at each other like is this lady for realz? Who does that shit? Seriously I could see if like hours went by and she couldnt find her but come on 20 mins and she didnt even try to find any of our family members to see if mary was with them. So I'm laughing because clearly this whole situation is ridiculous and mary is getting yelled at by these guards basically getting told to "not do that anymore" (um do what exactly I'm assuming they thought she was playing a joke on my mom) "and its very serious and if she doesnt awnser the page they have to stop the ship and call the coast guard" yeah this seriously all happened becuase my mom has shit listening skills ( clearly she failed kindergarten). But what was funny when she was found was my aunt and cousin saying didn't you hear liz say she was going to get her...see see see vindication it wasn't me that messed up!!!

However as amusing as that was the highlight of my trip had to have been new year's eve. My sister, my cousins and I went to the 18 and over club to dance. Mind you its 18 and over!!!! So apparantly a bunch of 14 and 15 year olds snuck in from there really lame underage club to see what it was like at the older club. My sister is dancing next to me (who is 19) and I get grabbed by two security guards and asked to step off the dance floor so they can see some id. Ok now lets recap it is an 18 and over club and I get id for being underage but not my sister. (I'm ok with everyone thinking i look young i know i do and its good for my acting...but )come the fuck on..how young do you think i am...clearly they thought I was 15!!!! it kind of brings the lols though...especially when these little 18 year old boys tried hitting on me and my sister would just laugh in their face and tell them they were never gonna get anywhere....

I got back to work and the crazies are out in their finest...especially the woman who believes someone stole her external hard drive and has hired a private investigator do go around door to door and ask people if they know anything...yeah...clearly with the crazies in this place it is sending them into a tizzy and now they all think there has been a break in in their offices..superfun!!!

I have an audition tonight with a casting director so i'm sure i will have crazy stories about that....

Merry xmas party....

2009-12-18T11:59:00.001-08:00

As promised holiday xmas party stories galore. Ok so first let me explain to you that are xmas party is not like regular xmas parties. It takes place in the middle of the day from 12-2 in our elevator lobby area (seriously) where my bosses mother and father hand out 2 types of chx salad ( dill and curry- who evens eats that shit I have no idea) ham and shrimp. No bread, no salad no type of pasta nothing. Just chx salad, ham and shrimp. Love it. Now you are probably wondering why I have a picture of a grinch... well since i couldn't take a picture of my bosses mom this was the closest thing to it. and she does bare quite the resemblance. So let's get crackin. My bosses mom is notorious for not knowing her own employees and yesterday was no exception when one of our male staff members (armando) went up to get food at the buffet and she goes "here you go" and "what company do you work for?" he replied "yours I work for you" which any normal person would have gotten embarrassed but not her she didnt miss a beat and continued to shovel out shrimp. My other coworker eniko then went up to get food and had put ham on her plate when my bosses mother saw this she took the ham off of her plate and said that "that peice is to much for you, you need a leaner piece" aka you are too fat let me get you a thinner peice (better than in past years when she has given me like 2 pieces of shrimp and told me i don't need a lot to eat because I am skinny and skinny people don't need to eat as much...)The highlight though was when my pal christine (aka the lady who likes to do it with steel toed sandal- look at earlier blogs for the full length description of her) comes to the shindig in full out hooker attire. A black dress up her ass with her boobs hanging out, red tights, red hooker lips and a big feather bow in her hair. The outfit must have cost her alot but the look on everyone's face= priceless!!!! She is such an awesome lady. I heart her :) So to top it all off I had gotten the stomach flu the night before but was still asked to come into work. Ok fine, if you want me to infect everyone right before the holidays so be it. So I came in looking like death and feeling probably ten times worse than that and when my bosses mom sees me she goes "you don't look so good, throw on a little lipstick that will make you feel better" thanks doc, now how come i didnt think of that. You know this lady should get a nobel peace prize for solving the worlds problems. Whenever you are sick or things aren't going right throw on a little lipstick that will solve everything!!! But she sure does have a way with words. My manager Hope just got a new haircut which is pretty adorable (she got bangs) but when she asked my boss mom if she liked it she said emphatically "NO" well that's a real no now isnt it. Which of course spins my manager into a downward depression spiral for the rest of the day. P.S nobody cares what a senial old woman thinks about your hair. Her hair looks like nancy regan frozen in time from the 80s so that should be all the proof you need she has no idea what the hell she is talking about. And in the last peice of holiday news ( do not eat anything before you read this) my boss's father is hard of hearing and wears hearing aids. Nothing to be ashamed of.. well i guess today they weren't working so well so he takes them out and sticks them on my front desk to inspect them and then pops them back in...sick sick gross and wrong. Come on dude can't you go into the bathroom and do that. Why you got to put your earwaxy hearing things on the desk where people are about to eat. Bleh... on that note i'm out.

Have a good weekend :)

icebuckets, chocolates, and gremlins oh my...

2009-12-16T12:04:00.001-08:00

Its that time of the year again where clients give us the most random holiday stuff as gifts. I just got an email from a coworker of mine that said " I just got an ice bucket for Christmas from a client. Awesome." I don't even understand that gift... I mean did they steal it from a hotel or something??? I didn't even know you could by ice buckets and any time i have ever seen anyone use one has been in a hotel to either get ice for booze and some sexy time or if you are like my friends to get ice to put in our vodka/jack on the rocks and pregame before a night of debauchery. Either way this said client probably wants my friend to get wasted (maybe i should meet this person...)I guess its the thought that counts... Over on this home front we have been getting a lot of chocolate (notice the gremlin picture...this is almost exactly what the man in my office looks like who gives us this said chocolate) Now don't get me wrong I think it is extremely thoughtful that someone in my life wants to give me chocolate but the way that this guy does it is totally creepy. Instead of just handing it to us as he passes by the front desk and saying "Happy Holidays" like a normal person he does it like it is some secret covert spy mission or something. He first calls us all back to his office individually and says "he needs to see us" after about four years we get it. He has xmas chocolates. I dread this every year not because going into a clients office is creepy (although hello at this office you never know what you are walking into) but because of the akwardness that ensues. I walk back to his 1970s disco office(no joke his office rug looks like something straight out of 3s company) knock on his door( ha no pun intended with the 3s company reference)and say you wanted to see me at which point he goes "oh yes i have a little something for you for christmas" ok its at this point that i know i am sunk in the water because right after he hands you your chocolates he makes it a point to kiss you on the cheeck!!! bleh not only is this man like 80 years old but its is super scary when you have a gremlin man coming towards your face kissing you on the cheek. and let me tell you it is not a normal peck either...it is a big wet sloppy mess that leaves slobber all over your cheek and frankly it makes me want to vomit a little...i know i sound ungraetful and I am totally not because I do realize it is a recession and nobody has to give us shit...(around here i wouldnt be surprised if they started throwing coal at me but as my ever positive friend chad says hey at least when you are broke and can't afford heat you will have something to keep yourself warm with...thanks chad!!) anyway the thing that grosses me out is the slobber and anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that i hate spit, saliva and any other type of fluid coming from your mouth especially when it lands on me and my extremities...i didnt even let people drink off out my drinks until i was like in my 20s...I know i'm weird ( yes i get its a little ironic because...well we won't go into that one)

On that note I'm out...Join us tomorrow when we have our annual holiday party in our elevator lobby bank and all the nutjobs come out to get free food. I also have it on good authority one of our clients will be dressed like a hooker.... and no I'm not kidding...ill try to take pics :)

land of the giraffes

2009-12-08T05:29:00.001-08:00

So yesterday I got called by one of my modeling agents to go on a go-see.(It's basically an audition for models where you go in the photographer snaps some pics of you while other girls are sneering...) Normally when i go on go-sees it is for very commercial stuff and i am with people that more or less look like myself. Imagine my surprise when I walked in and the entire room was filled with like 8 ft tall giraffes. (ok so maybe they were six ft tall 90 lb girls...eh kind of the same thing). Believe when i say i was the fattest one there. Most of them were sent by top agencies like ford and then there was me the misfit toy. There is a reason why models get steriotyped as bitches...These girls were out for blood. They put a sign up sheet out and this one girl started screaming at everyone and pushing them out of the way saying she was signing up first because she had been waiting for over an hour and she had to be somewhere. Obviously the rest of us little people aren't as important as you and we can afford to sit around while this princess got to go first. Whatever floats your boat sweet heart...maybe you should go pretend to eat a cracker and then throw it up..(ok that was a little mean). Needless to say it was an inneresting 45 min(by the way I was number 5 because i somehow managed to squeeze my short little fat self in between them hold up a shiny object point and say look tinker bell...it kept them amused for hours... ok so maybe not...i actually just grabbed the pen from the skinny bitch next to me and scribbled my name down super fast then went to hide in a corner so as not to get beat up by the rioting girls...honestly though i probably could have just held out one finger and tapped them and they would have fallen over...ok ok i joke...
It was definitley an experience one way or another and I so wanted to take a pic but i figured i might get thrown out or something..next time i'll try to figure out an undercover way... Happy Tuesday :)

a lesson in faith

2009-12-07T05:45:00.000-08:00

a lesson in faith...

2009-12-07T05:17:00.001-08:00

So this past weekend I held a fundraiser for Jordan Iida, a 19 year old who just recently suffered a stroke. (Thanks to all who came out and supported and thanks to Sean for putting on such an amazing event). Sometimes life greatest lessons come out from the most unexpected of places. Throughout this entire ordeal I have exchanged several emails with his mother and she constantly talks about her faith and that God will provide and somehow make it alright. I was amazed at this woman's faith that in spite of this horrific ordeal she found a way to not let it cripple her and be an example. Most people i know would fall apart and curse God for bringing on such a horrible thing but not her. She must be like a saint or something. All of her emails have truly been an inspiration that in spite of great hardship she has rested on her faith that God will provide. Not only that but Jordan himself has an incredible amount of faith. I don't know any 19 year old who wouldn't despair and pity themselves and want to crawl in a hole and ask why me. Not this kid. He has remained strong in spite of it all and believes that there is a reason this happened. He told my mom that he either wanted to be a marine or a missionary and because of the stroke he said "I guess God wants me to be a missionary". I was truly awed by his sense of acceptance and devotion still to his faith. Alot of other people would have said screw God why is this happening. It truly has made me see things differently. If this family can have such faith that there is a greater purpose and reason for it all then I too can believe there is a reason why things happen and no matter what God is leading the way...

Thanks again to these amazing people for teaching me one of the greatest lessons of all...to have faith. I hope if you read this you will be inspired to do the same.